O/our Journey in D/s

A Question of Multiple Subs

2011-05-09T15:53:00.000-07:00

There are always a few questions that float around in My mind in regards to the submissives that I speak with online who request online service or desire to meet Me. They are always to eager at first, wanting to make a good impression but will that eagerness reveal itself to be not as previous presented when it comes to a real time situation?

I have found in the past that having an online submissive rarely works for Me. While I enjoy developing friendships with them, the requests to have them on cam playing with themselves for My apparent enjoyment leaves Me a little flat. Unless I have had actual experiences with them, I find no true enjoyment from watching them do whatever they think I desire of them. (I can do this for you Mistress. Would you like to see that?) Personally, I want to be the one doing the play, making them squirm and feel like the submissive's they truly are. Also having an online sub demands a lot of online time which I do not have. Since attention is what an online submissive craves, when I can't be available to them (even though it should be the other way around), they become bored, disillusioned and move on. So much for online servitude.

So what it comes down to for Me is a few basic questions...what makes a good submissive? What makes a submissive want to serve? What services can a sub really be expected to deliver on?

As many Mistress' can attest, an eager sub will offer the moon. I have been sent many lists of what the sub likes and all the sexual services they can offer in so called anticipation of My needs. However, a submissive with an attitude of service asks what the Mistress desires and does not assume what she would like based on their personal needs. A service sub enjoys pleasing a Mistress in general ways, such a sweeping the floor or cleaning the bathroom. A foot slave will drool over the thought of worshiping those precious toes and feel fulfilled by doing so. Does the service sub or any other type desire reward? Of course, but that is always up the Mistress' discretion as to what level of reward is given. A submissive must prove worthy of such rewards. Sometimes, just giving the submissive positive attention, which they all crave is usually enough.

Is it fair to have expectations that exceed the limits of the sub? Can one sub really fulfill all the desires of the Mistress & is it fair to even expect that?

While it is expected to push and test a submissive's soft limit's, some limits cannot be pushed and that can lead to stress within the D/s relationship. I believe that no one person can fulfill every expectation in a relationship, and to think so is unrealistic, especially in a D/s one. This is why that I believe that having at least one other submissive works well in the D/s setting, at least in a play partner capacity.

At present, I have a primary male submissive, a secondary female submissive and a submissive t-girl play partner. Each brings something different to the D/s dynamic which one person could not give. Sometimes it can be challenging dealing with the different personalities and schedules, but then everyone does that every day in regular vanilla relationships so it's really not so different. The pro's definitely out weight the cons. Each relationship while similar, are so different which makes exploring the realms of D/s that much more intense and deep.

Spanking - an Essential part of a D/s relationship

2011-01-22T17:30:00.000-08:00

The following is an excerpt from an article that I read online in regards to Spanking Therapy. While I agree with the premise of the article, this type of therapy is far from new, it was just preformed more quietly on a personal level behind closed doors rather than going to a, umm, 'therapist'.

"Spanking therapy is a controversial and somewhat new theory that suggests that some adults have an emotional need for physical discipline (spanking) on a regular basis. Such therapy serves as a punishment for misdeeds, as well as a reminder to focus on one's goals and responsibilities. All forms of spanking therapy are only effective when the person receiving the therapy understands and accepts that they require it. Spanking therapy are regular therapy sessions where spanking is used as a tool to reinforce positive behavior. Spanking therapy is only effective when the one receiving the therapy has expressed a need for it. Spanking therapy is usually given weekly, at a set date and time. This allows the therapy recipient to always be expecting another session, thus encouraging him or her to continue to focus on their positive behavior, even when not getting spanked. A session normally begins with a verbal discussion where the spankee is expected to give a report of the week's behavior with a concentration on any events or behaviors that might require a change in the spanking session (harder or lighter session). The spanker is responsible for giving a clear directive as to what areas the subject is expected to continue to work on (for example: Finding a job, losing weight, stop swearing, etc.) before the spanking begins. The spanking may be given with the hand, or with an appropriate instrument such as a paddle. Have the spankee get to the state of undress you have agreed upon (usually bare-bottom, but may be underpants if nudity is an issue), and put him or her into the position for spanking (over the knee, bent over the bed, etc.). Then calmly explain what he/she is being spanked for and what needs to be done to avoid it in the future."

I don't agree with the last line in this article as most of the people that I have spanked don't want to avoid it. In fact, they crave it and try to be on the best behavior to receive it more. In the end, it's all about what works best for you to get the best behaviour from your submissive.

What Is In A Name

2010-03-09T15:55:00.000-08:00

In one of the groups that I belong to, a conversation thread of what is in a name in regards to numerology came up. While I took time choosing the name that I would wear in the BDSM community, I didn't consider this aspect of the name I choose. There are many online sites available that can provide quick calculations. When I put My name in, below are the results that were pulled up. After reading it through, I've come to realise that I intuitively picked a very powerful and truthful name to wear. As I consider Myself a gentle Domme, I found the the numerology surrounding My name to be most appropriate.

You entered: Mistress Kika

There are 12 letters in your name.
Those 12 letters total to 46
There are 4 vowels and 8 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 1

The characteristics of #1 are: Initiating action, pioneering, leading, independent, attaining, individual.

The expression or destiny for #1:
A number 1 Expression denotes the skilled executive with keen administrative capabilities. You must develop the capacity to be a fine leader, sales executive, or promoter. You have the tools to become an original person with a creative approach to problem solving, and a penchant for initiating action. Someone may have to follow behind you to handle the details, but you know how to get things going and make things happen. You have a good mind and the ability to use it for your advancement. Because of these factors, you have much potential for achievement and financial rewards. Frequently, this expression belongs to one running a business or striving to achieve a level of accomplishment on ones talents and efforts. You have little need for much supervision, preferring to act on your own with little restraint. You are both ambitious and determined. Self-confident and self-reliant must be yours, as you develop a strong unyielding will and the courage of your convictions.

Although you fear loneliness, you want to be left alone. You fear routine and being in a rut. You often jump the gun because you are afraid of being left behind.

The 1 has a natural instinct to dominate and to be the boss; adhering to the concept of being number One. You do not have to be overly aggressive to fulfill your destiny.

Your Soul Urge number is: 6

A Soul Urge number of 6 means:
With a number 6 Soul Urge, you would like to be appreciated for your ability to handle responsibility. Your home and family are likely to be a strong focus for you, perhaps the strongest focus of your life. Friendship, love, and affection are high on your list of priorities for a happy life. You have a lot of diplomatic tendencies in your makeup, as you a able to rectify and balance situations with an innate skill. You like working with people rather than by yourself. It is extremely important for you to have harmony in your environment at all times.

The positive side of the 6 Soul Urge produces a huge capacity for responsibility; you are always there and ready to assume more than your share of the load. If you possess positive 6 Soul Urges and express them, you are known for your generosity, understanding and deep sympathetic attitude. Strong 6 energy is very giving of love, affection, and emotional support. You may have the inclination to teach or serve your community in other idealistic ways. You have natural abilities to help people. You are also likely to have artistic and creative leanings.

Your Inner Dream number is: 22

An Inner Dream number of 22 means:
You dream of being a master organizer and a builder of monumental projects; of guiding a truly huge endeavor. Your secret fantasy is to think big and imagine what could be done for the world. You may also dream of the huge rewards.

I was fortunate to pick a name that was so unwittingly suited to My nature. It is wise to put time and thought into choosing a name for a submissive to make it a true representation of themselves.

A Night at Sin City

2010-02-27T10:47:00.000-08:00

A while ago, My girl and I had the pleasure of attending a local night club that hosts fetish nights 2 Saturday’s a month, called Sin City. While I had attended these fetish nights before, it was the first time for My girl to join Me; to see and been seen within the BDSM community. We both looked forward to the evening with much anticipation.

Being corset night at the club, I wore a black velveteen mesh corset with a pvc mini skirt and black lace up, pvc platform boots. She was in a ruby red corset with a black mini and thigh high, black leather boots with collar, of course. While I do not have this girl collared yet, I felt that having her wear one while we are out in the community would show that she is under consideration by Me and that she would be under My protection for the night. We were now ready to have some fun!

We arrived early not only to avoid the line up, but to have this inquisitive girl check out her surroundings so she could feel more comfortable. I picked one of the few couches in the club to lounge on and people watch as the patrons start to arrive. With DJ Pandemonium spinning a fantastic mix of tunes and the variety of people wearing their fetish best, the atmosphere soon became electric. The thumping beat mimicked the vibe and excitement that we were both feeling.

After a couple of drinks, I decided it was time of mingle and view the small dungeon area that is set up in the upper level. It is equipped with an ‘X’, spanking bench, rack and a rigged up, old pool table for light knife play or whatever may come to mind. It is monitored by a couple of dungeon masters with a small viewing area to enjoy the public play. While My girl was very intrigued with watching others play, not to mention both of us feeling a heightened erotic response, I choose not to play with her this evening. After all, I didn’t want to overwhelm the girl with sensation overload being new to the club and the scene in general.

Wandering around the club, we chatted with a few people, as a noticed a few of the regulars in attendance. An occasional play partner of Mine was there and I made introductions between him and My girl. He is such a warm and friendly person, she soon noticeably relaxed within his presence. As we moved on to the downstairs area where a different DJ mixes tunes, it was time to have another drink and to join the frenzied dancing on the floor. After a few songs, we went back up to the main dance floor, where there are props and a small stage to dance on, if someone wants to really get their groove on. The vibe was incredible; bodies moving to the sound and flashing lights, all of us pumping and grinding to the rhythm as one. My girl felt welcomed and part of this dynamic, alternative community.

As the hours grew late, we had to gather out things and make our way home. Hot and sweaty, glowing with the energy of the club we made it back to My place for a sweet night cap of spankings, bondage and light play. I could think of no better way to end the night or spend the evening. It was a defining moment in our relationship, one we both will remember for some time to come.

The Feminine Mystic

2009-06-28T18:14:00.000-07:00

~ The feather brush of a pair of lips on the nape of the neck, a sigh of breathe that sends shivers across a breast, a finger tip tracing the contours of the flesh, the delicious scent of a woman, and tantalizing tastes for the tongue ~

So many desires went unfulfilled as I yearned to find a female submissive over the years. I tried searching the available fetish networking sites to find that distinctive woman, but that elusive connection that I sought after did not seem to materialize as quickly as I had first envisioned. Time flowed and interests turned to other aspects of the lifestyle. However, it didn’t decrease that passion to re-experience a female touch.

I had been with women in the past, but it was strictly in a vanilla way. While that was satisfactory at that time, since I discovered the lifestyle, I had wanted to explore the depths of desire with a female submissive. I always thought it would be an intense experience but nothing prepared Me for the girl that has come into My life.

I posted an ad on a local website, a first for Me, just looking to connect with a kinky woman, to see if things could blossom in to something more. While I had hoped to be able to explore a little BDSM with whoever came My way, I had told Myself that I would be content with just having a girl in My life, to share that unique bond that only two women can share. My BDSM desires could always be fulfilled by spirit or the other male submissives that I play with on occasion. While hopeful, I had low expectations of how extensive I could play, as it was almost a ‘vanilla’ posting. But I should know by now, that jumping into something with no expectations is the best way to approach anything or any relationship. No expectations, no disappointments; the only way to go from there is up.

We met within a week of her answering My post, after numerous emails and chatting on MSN. We exchanged photos, and she was in thigh high black boots in the first photo that she sent to Me, which was an encouraging sign. 'Perhaps I may get a little of what I was hoping to find,' I thought to Myself. As it turns out, I got a whole lot more than I could have ever imagined. This girl was interested in exploring BDSM and while she did not have much experience, was eager to learn about the wonders that this lifestyle held.

Our first experiences was involved spanking and nipple play. While she was uncertain of how much she could endure, over time, this has become part of the aspects of our play time that she now craves. Whether by hand, crop or flogger, she needs this kind of attention on a regular basis. I’ve had her restrained, cuffed & bound, eager and willing to explore everything that I can give her. I totally love playing with her this way. I know I enter into My Domme space when I’m with her and I’ve been able to take her into her sub space. It’s deep, intense, and almost tantric. As she says, she feels it’s highly addictive and I have to agree with her there. As an added bonus, we are developing an enjoyable friendship, where we can hang out, go to dance clubs, out for dinner and such. I have a distinct feeling that she will become in integral part of My life as this new path unfolds.

An Evening Encounter

2009-05-10T22:16:00.000-07:00

On a chill spring evening, I had the pleasure of meeting up with one of My kinkster friends for an impromptu get together. We had been speaking quite frequently and had recently met up at a club for our first a public play session. On this evening as we chatted online, our conversation turned to more of what we both enjoyed about BDSM and our relative experiences within it and the local community. After a while, we decide to hang out and continue the conversation in person.

I picked him up with the hopes of going out for a coffee or to a pub for a drink, but after driving around for a while we realized that there wasn’t any place were we could go to speak comfortably with each about the topics we wanted to discuss. When the situation warrants it, I will be discreet and unassuming so as to not draw unwanted attention to Myself or who I am with in the vanilla world. So after driving around for what seems like an exorbitant amount of time, we decided to get a six pack and enjoy some in-depth tête-à-tête by a local river. We walked around the park and ended up at the play area were we sat for a time on the play fort. We talked long into the sunset through twilight as the stars started to show themselves in the evening sky. I had delicious visions of this boy tied up and suspended from the monkey bars as we spoke…such a distraction he was. Personal history, ambitions and goals were shared between us, along with likes, dislikes, limits and desires yet to be experienced. The talk flowed unencumbered as common ground was established and smiles flashed. Ummm, I wondered as to what kind of naughtiness we could get ourselves into.

As the night fully embraced us, the temperature dropped and we decided to head back to My car to keep a bit warmer. Instead of using the heater though, I had My own ideas how to warm us up. We climbed into the back seat, Myself in the middle with this appetizing boy kneeling across My lap. There wasn’t much room to play the exact way I would have liked to, but improv is an excellent way to acquire more skills. I love it when a boy or girl gives up their body to play with and use exactly how you want to use it; it’s such a turn on. This boy had smooth flesh, so soft and perfect for spanking. Since space limitations didn’t allow for a crop (or even my baby flogger), I went old school, pulled his underwear down and enjoyed giving him a good hand spanking while caressing his jewels during the breaks. To hear him moan as I yanked his head back by a handful of hair as a hard smack was delivered in time with his ass was such sweet music to My ears. As his moans increases and the energy became more electric, I brought out a little toy that I could pack around, a silver bullet vibrator. As I ran that over his jewels and caressed his ass with it, he began to quiver and shake. In such a venerable state, he looked just so luscious; I couldn’t help but lightly bite that ass that was enjoying My administrations so much. I grabbed his long hair and pulled his head back again as I asked him how he was enjoying himself. No words really needed to be said as I could tell by the glazed look in his eyes he was in his own little world. I also felt wetness on My pants as this boy was dripping like a leaky faucet. He was loving every minute of it and so was I. In the heat of the moment, I couldn’t resist taking a few kisses and licks on that juicy mouth of his. The passion was electric and highly charged considering the venue. I made him kneel up so I could have him fully display himself and see his member standing at full attention. I allowed him to touch Myself, but only briefly and above the waist as he was My toy and not the other way around. This frustrated him a bit but he was compliant as any good boy should be. I pushed him off My lap and back into the seat while I caressed him, used him with My hands and mouth, this boy as My toy, to do exactly what he was told. What an intense and intoxifying experience.

As I drove home after I dropping him off later, a quote came to My mind. It goes: I might not have ended up where I intended to go, but find Myself where I am supposed to be. This is very fitting for this night and I guess it applies to a lot of My experiences in this D/s journey. I may plan, but in the end, whatever will be, just is, as I enrich Myself, one experience at a time.

Public Play with a New Subbie

2009-04-09T18:53:00.001-07:00

Since I have been expanding on My BDSM experiences, I decided to take it up a notch and have a public play session at a local club with a new friend of Mine who is into the local fetish scene.

I met him on a kinkster networking site called FetLife. If you haven’t had a chance to check it out, do so! It’s a fantastic resource to either talk in discussion groups with like minded people, to get up-to-date information on whatever local events are going on in your area or to get connected with your local fetish community. We soon discovered after exchanging photos & chatting for a few weeks that we have a lot of common interests and that we would be interested in exploring them with each other. With spirit in tow, I went to the SinCity Fetish night to meet up with him for the first time to see if we had that real time connection that we seemed to be developing online.

When I arrived at the club with spirit, we relaxed into to the ambiance of the evening. SinCity has a vibrant and lively clientele which can be full of surprises. I decided to hang back a bit before seeking My pet out. I was interested in watching him, to see how he moved within the environs & interacted with others. He is well known in the scene and can understand why. He has an open and energetic attitude, one that can be serious but playful at the same time….an enticing combination, indeed. After a while I finally approached him, and when we made contact, he welcomed Me with a warm smile and affectionate embrace. He promptly whisked Me away around the club to introduce Me to all of his many friends. Once concluded, we spoke briefly to make plans to get together at the dungeon play area a bit later.

I went to re-join spirit & gave him lots of attention to reinforce his position with Me. Some may think that this may be cruel to spirit, to leave him alone while I go off and play later. However, it was a packed club, he is a social person and completely understands the parameters of our relationship. It was in this knowledge that we came together. It is also what defines and establishes our connection, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Soon after I made My way to the dungeon space and reconnected with My pet while he made the arrangements to use the equipment provided. Wow, I wish I had a few of these pieces in My own place! I brought My baby black leather flogger which seems quite unassuming but has a wicked sting when welded with precision. We went to the horse bench and My pet completely undressed to his underwear, which surprised Me but was also encouraging. Yes, he was serious about getting his ass spanked and flogged, something that made Me tingle all over :). As he assumed the position, I let the tendrils of My flogger lightly caress his bare torso, dragging it over his ass, down his jewels (which made him pleasantly shiver), over the back of his legs, right down to the bottoms of his feet. It’s a technique that I use to get the flesh prepared for the lashes that are to soon come. The light spider-like touches brings a certain amount of electricity to the surface of the skin, making it highly responsive to touch. I loved watching his body twitching with the slight strokes and inwardly smiled as I knew how he would react once I My flogger licked his ass. After few minutes of this, and checking in with him as to how he was feeling, the first blow landed dead center in his butt, hard and stinging. His body tense with the impact of it, but relaxed once I rubbed his sensitive skin with My free hand. I continued to walk around him lightly touching all areas of his body, grabbing his hair and jerking his head up. ‘Do you like it, My boy?’ I inquired. ‘Yes, Mistress, I love your touch,’ he whispered. I breathed in his ear that he was My bitch tonight and that he would completely love it, to which his husky response was, ‘yes Mistress’. We played for about ½ an hour, through caresses and stinging hits, with Me turning around the flogger to tapping his ass with the handle of it, like a crop, flogging his body in a figure 8 from his torso to the soles of his feet. Yes, he would remember Me when he walked around tomorrow, I would make sure of that.

While playing for a short time normally doesn’t always put the sub into sub space, it was just a taste of some of the delights that awaited him if we choose to continue to play on a regular basis. I actually got a quite charge out of being watched by the other patrons waiting to use the equipment, a completely new experience for Me. I was pleased with how the scene went and noticed that he was too through his languid smile. While the play may not have been to the level we both would have liked, we came away from it with a good sense of what could be. In the end, it showed Me that we did have the physical chemistry to perhaps take this to new depths. With an tender embrace, we parted ways for the evening even though we bumped into each other numerous times in the club that night. It was time for Me to make spirit feel a bit special. He was happy that I was able to enjoy the scene with My pet and to experience something new as he is not into public play. Oh My, I think I have unleashed something within Myself which will have to fed on a regular basis.:)

The Second Life Experience

2009-04-08T19:16:00.001-07:00

2009…a new year full of life changing experiences already! At the end of January due to current economic conditions, I found Myself among the masses of the unemployed. Although it was quite a shock, I was determined to use My time wisely while looking for a new position. I ended up spending much of My time reading all the D/s & BDSM sites that I had bookmarked on My computer, updated and posted regularly on a few of My other websites, send off answers to long awaited emails and became more immersed within the lifestyle that I love so much. It has been a time of self exploration, full of kink and little surprises along the way.

One of My newest discoveries was the world of Second Life and the myriad of people within its virtual landscape. Honestly, whatever you can envision will be there in some shape or form. There is an extensive BDSM & Femdom community in SL, full of every type of kinkster that could possibly imagine. What truly amazes Me though, is that every land that I have travelled within there is ‘user’ made! From the user skins or clothing that is available, either free or with exceptional digital quality for a price, from the beautiful temples and gardens to the craftiest dungeons, we are dealing with exceptionally creative people here. What an exceptional way to conceptualize what may not be possible in the vanilla world for most!

I have met some incredible people there who are either just exploring the lifestyle or living it in real life as well as in SL. I realised that when I wasn’t able to spend time with spirit due to our conflicting schedules that I now had a way to connect with people and delve into topics of conversation that I just cannot have with My vanilla friends. Sometimes I would even meet up with spirit under one of his many alias’ there, and role play with others in the community. I’m always interested in ways that will expand My perception, and SL is a fantastic way to enhance it.

One special person that I have met was a female sub that I will call My ‘spank whore’. We have developed an affectionate relationship within SL that has transcended what I thought I would experience there. Through online connection, sharing experiences, avatars’, photos and voice chat, she has become My collared sub. When we are not able to connect there, we stay in touch on the phone, and do plan to finally meet each other real time within the next year. I have always used the internet as a tool to meet people within the lifestyle, but didn’t think that I could use SL in the same way. What a pleasant surprise it has been!

Though out My SL experience to date, I feel that I have re-kindled My passion for D/s, have become far more open and creative in My ways of kink and living D/S real time. If you are interested in meeting up with Me, My name in SL is Svaha Quintessa. I like to frequent the Velvet Thorn while there. Feel free to say hi or drop Me a message.

Breaking Old Habits

2008-06-08T18:03:00.001-07:00

It's been a long time since My last post, but that doesn't mean our journey had stopped or even was delayed. Sometimes life gets so busy that time just slips by and next thing you know, months having passed within a blink of an eye. So far 2008 has been a series of life changing events for Myself and spirit. We have experienced physical injuries, job changes, continuing studies, a move and a faithful companion passing away. It's been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Through it all we tried to maintain a certain level of our lifestyle, which has been most challenging indeed.

Our move was a significant change, one that suggested a fresh start for us on many levels. There has been some progress made with training and such, new toys added but some old behaviours with spirit still remain which have to be dealt with in a timely manner if we are to maintain and grow what we have established between us. In short, the 'brat' is back and running freely in the playground of spirit's mind. he has been wrecking havoc for a number of months now and I have had little or no progress of reigning him in. I guess this is what happens when I become overwhelmed with vanilla life...I start of loose My psychological grip on spirit and the 'brat' resurfaces. There where times when the 'brat' had complete control of spirit and I had moments where I felt all that we had gained was lost. It's difficult for a Mistress to loose power like that and even more challenging to regain what was lost. Being a gentle Domme meant that I had to go beyond what I considered a pre-established level of control. I had to become not only firm psychologically, but to become more physically demanding too. I purchased a large cage and started to give spirit time outs in there. But putting him in there without him being in the proper space almost seemed redundant. I definitely needed a new approach to break these old behavior habits that he was displaying. Worship practices had slid in recent months due to levels of exhaustion on both of our parts. However, regardless of that fact, I decided to reinstate that as a regular practice of worship since having a solid routine is most important to a sub's psyche. Amidst initial whining, he soon became lost in his sub space, his most happy place. With all the anger that had being flung around lately, it was encouraging for Me to see that part of him coming to life again. Like a flower bulb that awakens in the spring after a long hard winter, it was very pleasing to see spirit blossoming into his own again.

After doing a bit of research online of what worked for other Mistress', I came up with a game plan that was a series of small 'tests' for spirit to pass. Initially, he failed most, but with positive reinforcement when he did pass a test, slowly I started to see the spirit that I loved reemerge. I also started to develop a new improved version of Myself at the same time. The first steps were encouraging but a lot more work still needs to be done on both of our parts. But that's what it means to be in this journey together. The energy may ebb and flow but in the end our commitment to our special relationship and our lifestyle choice remains consistent.

Communication – What is said and what is left unsaid

2008-01-20T20:09:00.000-08:00

The other day spirit and I were relaxing together, watching a late night British TV show called “Hotter Sex”. It’s a show hosted by a sex councilor who tries to help the chosen couples improve not only their sex lives but the intimacy between them. Needless to say, the content of the program was more than titillating for Me, even if the couples that they were trying to help were of the vanilla variety. I decided a short while later to inform spirit that I wanted to have him perform some oral service for Me, but the expected response was not readily forthcoming from him, at which point I just let it go. Now I’m sure other Mistress’ would just demand that their submissive obey and do what was requested, and if I was just performing a regular scene with spirit or any sub, I would find this response completely unacceptable. However, we are living in a loving 24/7 D/s relationship which make issues like these more challenging. In the end, I decided to wait until a more appropriate time to approach this subject in a more objective way instead of just starting an argument, which does nothing to enhance our relationship. By doing this I wanted to find out the true nature of why spirit was somewhat reluctant to perform.

Fast forward to Sunday morning snuggles, a great time for us to talk about everything in our relationship and the D/s lifestyle we embrace. I truly enjoy the conversations that we have on these mornings, as our communication levels are usually at an all time high during these times than any other, for whatever reason. When I got around to asking spirit what his reason was for his hesitation, he told me that he assumed that I was wanted him to perform oral worship, not because I truly wanted it but because I was being influence by the show. he stated that it didn’t feel right to him to perform and when I just let it go, that action confirmed his response. Do you see what is happening here? Lots of assumptions going on and no clear communication by Myself or from him.

It is easy to get caught up in the blame game at this point, the unsaid “you aren’t obeying ME” from Myself or “you don’t really want me to do that” from him. I went on to explain to him that yes, the show somewhat influenced Me, but only to the point to remind Myself that I had been neglecting the intimate side of our D/s experience. (If spirit performs up to My standard, he is aptly rewarded). It is so easy to let the physical side of D/s slide when you are living in a 24/7 relationship. So many daily stresses and anxieties can drain the erotic side of life right out of your mind. Sometimes these reminders, whether it is just an ad in a magazine or a late night TV show, it can be a bonus as to whether intimacy stays within the relationship or decides to drop out of site for a while. It does for Me anyways.

The bottom line is this…the longer assumptions are made within your relationship about what the other person wants or doesn’t want, the more it can restrict genuine communication with your partner. As for Me, I try My very best to keep it clear and concise as I can, but as you can see, it is still a work in progress for both of us.

Are you talking to ME?

2008-01-13T17:23:00.000-08:00

I saw this post in a group that I belong to posted by a submissive male and thought it was a relevant topic for this blog.

i was reading an article of a psychologist who mentioned that Women tend to be have mood swings and emotional outbursts on Their partners...the same psychologist also mentioned that usually they yell or scream on a person they feel comfortable with and in a way They trust and know that even if They have some rants and yells the other person will understand. Last night i was thinking about this because a related discussion with my Friend and on the way home we discussed this and there were some thoughts and i would like to share with the group. It is expected that a Woman will have days where she will be in bad mood because of work, her period or some other reason...and she might yell, scream, or blame her partner. If the partner is a regular-guy (not a submissive) sometimes he will remain cool, but at other times he may yell back at her, slam doors, walk away or threaten to leave or other scenarios... but for a submissive the rules are very different. He does not have the same freedom to react. So i devised a "proper-reaction" that fits perfectly to a submissive-male and helps both to move on without complications. ..

If say the Mistress is upset or has some outbursts or yells to Her sub or scolds him for rightful or wrong reason, instead of talking back and getting into an argument he should act this way: He stays where he is, tightening his hands behind and lowering his eyes to the floor or to Her shoes listening what She says and taking it without talking back. if he feels that She is totally unfair and unreasonable he may raise his hand to request to talk if She grants him permission he will say his opinion if not he will re-assume the same position and lower his eyes again waiting for Her to finish... One way to deal with this is to have the "rank mentality" the relationship between a lieutenant and his corporal or private. if the officer yells or says something wrong the lower-rank officer does not argue, but simply says "Yes sir." Often in the office a boss is sometimes is unreasonable. Employees don't yell back perhaps when they go back to their office they say "Mr Smith today has a bad mood or Mrs Jones did not sleep well last night" but this is the end of the discussion. Thinking with the rank-mentality the submissive does not need to yell back and break even.he just takes it.

Now if the Female-led relationship is also disciplinarian one and the Domme along with Her rants and moody yells feels that She should pull his hair,twist his ear or slap his face or send him to the corner he should not only accept it but he should facilitate her punishment making it easy and convenient for Her...applying the Paige-Harisson rule "never talk back". This way he leaves the Woman time to relax and get the tension out of her system. The more obedient the male is, without disputing his wife's orders the more easy makes the house-management for the woman. This "take it without talking back approach" may be is not always fair, but eliminates conflicts in the house because there is only one decision-maker and when there are disagreements there is only one who talks.

I have to admit that I have My moments of irrationality and spirit also gets caught up with his ego at times. When we have discussions which may boarder on arguing, instead of submitting to Me, he gets angry, talks back and resists all of My training in these moments. Usually within a short while I regain My composure and he comes back to his submissive self, which is his most happy place. So you see, being a feisty Mistress has its upsides and downsides. No one every said living in a 24/7 D/s relationship was easy, but it is always far more interesting and worth the effort than living a vanilla one.

Foot Worship

2007-11-18T21:22:00.001-08:00

For any submissive, the easiest way to please his Mistress is to learn the proper techniques for foot worship. When spirit first was invited to My place to be tested, he was allowed to start with My feet. I graded him on sensitive touch, massage ability and attention to detail. Below is a comprehensive account of how I believe a foot worship session should be carried out.

Preparation of the area is of the utmost importance. All items that will be used for the worship should be on hand so the submissive does not have to leave the Mistress’ feet until the job is completed. A good list of items to have on hand are: a wash basin full of warm scented water, a pitcher of warm water, liquid soap, soft towel, massage lotion, nail polish remover & cotton balls, nail file, pumice stone, nail polish (of Her choosing), a few q-tips and a small hand fan.

The first step is to gently take one of the Mistress’ feet into your lap and thoroughly remove any old nail polish from Her toe nails before they will be bathed. Once completed, bring over the wash basin full of warm, scented water and gently place both of her feet in the basin. Lightly caress Her feet while submerged in the water, and pour hand cupped water over her ankles and lower calves. Be careful not to splash the water around too much. Let Her feet soak for 5 minutes and then raise one foot in your left hand while the other hand rubs liquid soap cleansing the first foot. If there are any rough spots on the sole of Her foot, use the pumice stone to smooth out those areas. Repeat with the other foot and let soak for another 5 minutes once they are both cleansed. Rinse each foot with the pitcher of warm water and lay them on the soft towel beside the basin. Tenderly pat dry each foot. Next, take the massage lotion and give Her a foot massage. Firmly but lovingly rub the arch and balls of Her feet paying attention to each individual toe and the top of Her foot too. Here, the longer the massage, the more rewards may come your way. Once the massage is completed, and you can tell when to stop when your Mistress gives you a signal, it is time to apply the nail polish to Her lustrous toes. Delicately paint each toe with as much precision as able. If you go over the edges, use a q-tip to take the excess polish off. Apply 2 coats of nail polish to each toe, allowing the first coat to dry for a few minutes in before the second coat is applied. Use the small hand fan to dry the nail polish when the second coat of polish is completed.

The Ego Trap

2007-09-30T19:05:00.000-07:00

I was listening to an audio book the other day which aptly describes what an ego is. The ego is based upon beliefs you have about yourself and how you project these beliefs into the world. The ego is built on past experiences and by lessons learned which defines who the person thinks they are today. The key word here is ‘thinks’; who you think you are and who you actually are maybe two completely different things.

Albert Einstein’s famous quote below fits with the description of what an ego is. “Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” Suffice to say, the ego is knowledge based and is very limiting when it comes to D/s relationships.

Many submissive men, and this sometimes includes My spirit, have what I call the male ego trap. They have this idea of what a being a submissive male is but can become conflicted when they think about societal or cultural ideals of what they believe a man should be. Key word here is ‘should’. It is proven in patriarchal societies that male dominance has lead cultures and countries down destructive, war ridden paths. The male ego is primarily based on taking with little giving back. When the male ego arises in a D/s relationship it can be a real deal breaker, depending on the strength of the connection the submissive has with his Mistress. With the Mistress’ guidance, the male ego can be tempered if not completely crushed with beneficial effects within the D/s relationship as well as in his vanilla world. In fact, with his ego out of the way, the male can be open to who he truly can become in all areas. It is truly a liberating experience to be free of the ego trap, to be free of all the self judgments and condemnations with ones self. It can be a lengthy process to achieve this state of mind but one every submissive male should aspire to.

Acceptance – From where My subbie stands

2007-08-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

Acceptance for a submissive can be a long journey full of pitfalls and detours along the way. Their hidden desires always seem to have a way of being expressed inappropriately on a subconscious level unless they are acknowledged and dealt with in a non-judgmental, loving manner, even if that only comes from themselves. I believe that everyone has a secret desire or desires that can not always be explained to others in a conventional way. This is a yearning that resides in the depth of our souls that can not be continually repressed or washed away with societal conditioning. The eternal searching for something outside of the self eventually comes back to the seeking that is within. If the submissive is lucky, he can be assisted with his own self acceptance through the skills that his Mistress possesses.

Some submissive’s like to be ‘forced’ to perform tasks, whether that is to dress as a sissy or to be puppy trained, to name a few. However the truth of the matter is that there is very little ‘forcing’ going on when the submissive is secretly craving the task at hand. The so-called forcing has more to do with the acceptance of himself than anything else. With the proper guidance by his Mistress, this can be a significant achievement that a submissive can make. One of the major blockers to total self acceptance is the male ego. Once this is eradicated, then the submissive is truly free to be who he is with no shame or foreboding, to serve his Mistress fully as She sees fit. The best thing is that this not only helps the submissive within a D/s relationship, but it also helps him in the vanilla world with quiet confidence and more personal control with unconventional urges. The internal fighting stops with tranquility as a result. A submissive who achieves self acceptance knows a special kind of happiness by living a fulfilled life on all levels.

Acceptance - A Mistress' Perspective

2007-06-24T09:56:00.001-07:00

Acceptance – such a simple word with so many complexities attached to it. What does it mean to accept yourself? What does it mean to accept someone else? Some may say acceptance is about self respect or it is about knowing who you are. I believe that being true to yourself, and exploring what makes you or others tick, are the first steps along the path to acceptance and tolerance. This becomes even more important when exploring a D/s relationship. Say what you want, but if you don’t accept yourself and the role you represent in the relationship, the other person can see through your smoke screen with crystal clarity just as easily you can see through theirs.

It’s been a long road to acceptance for Myself. I always knew I had a strong personality, not aggressive but most definitely assertive in a kind way. This caused a lot of disappointments in My past, especially when I had to fight for My rights and what I believed in. It wasn’t always easy and self doubts always seemed to have a way of creeping into My thoughts when I least expected. Early religious training combined with parental & societal standards of what was believed a woman ‘should’ be had a nasty way of creating conflict within Myself. Some days it felt as if I was going crazy. But through trial and error, My confidence grew by reading and education despite negative reinforcements that had come through failed relationships and strained family relations. When I eventually discovered D/s, it was the answer to the long struggle that I had been working through. And when I found spirit, I knew that I was on the right road to lead a fulfilling life for both of us. But there was one last hurdle for Me to cross before I would be granted the inner peace that I was longing to have in My life.

My personal life was now on track with all the rewards that come with a loving D/s relationship, but I was having a difficult time with the follow through in the vanilla world. I was leading at home, but I was NOT leading at work. There is always a certain level of direction given by managers to their employees of what they would like to see achieved within the company. In My position, I knew My job well and performed it well to company standards. But when a new VP arrived on the scene with a male ego the size of Alaska, who seemed to take great pleasure in disrespecting Me, I had a very difficult time trying to find the balance between what I now expected in My personal life and how that would transfer into My vanilla world. spirit was a great help, but I had to work through these issues to find some common ground so I could be true to Myself. In the end, the only decision I could make was to leave that company and to work for a new company that would meet the level of respect that I most truly deserved. I am glad to say that I now do have that new job, where I do not comprise who I am for company profits. The next step is to be self employed where I can fully lead the life & lifestyle I live on both fronts. I have achieved all of this because I found the courage and confidence to believe what I stood for and accept who I am. Growth and improvement in this area will never stop along with all the blessings that come with it. It is a life lesson that comes to us in many forms, one that I am happy to learn and to keep on learning along the way.

Training Strategies – Control of the Body

2007-03-12T20:52:00.000-07:00

It is a sad fact that many submissives, who are so adept at caring for others, neglect their own wellbeing at times. It is part of a Mistress’ task in training such a person is to instill good habits in matters of food, sleep, and exercise, and not to encourage self-destruction. If the Mistress notices that the submissive is negligent in matters of self-care, she should take steps to remedy the situation. This can be accomplished from within the scene. For example, the Mistress may wish to reward the submissive for taking care of himself by allowing him to perform foot worship for Her or whatever worship She may desire.

The Mistress may also like to control the sub’s sleep, speech, and excretory functions, but great care should be taken not to exhaust the sub or endanger his health with such games.

The question of sexual abstinence for sub’s frequently arises. Assuming that the sub has turned this right over to the Mistress during negotiation, I believe that a Mistress may act with impunity in restricting a sub's sexual pleasure. A state of sexual hunger drives slaves to better performance, and the promise of release is a powerful stimulant. If the Mistress finds that the slave is unable to resist the temptation to masturbate, She may want to invest in one of the fine chastity belts or "cock cages" now available.

I am aware of no concrete evidence that sexual abstinence causes any problem other than frustration. Remind the sub that his sexual desire, like all else, is your property and should be dedicated to your pleasure, not the submissive.

After Care

2007-03-11T16:57:00.000-07:00

The most important part of any scene, and sometimes the most neglected part, is the after care of a submissive as he/she comes out of their sub space. Depending on how deep the submissive sinks, the after care time can be as short as 10 minutes or sometimes up to and beyond a half an hour. When the after care is inadequate, sometimes it can negate the whole experience of the scene. It may even make it more difficult for the Mistress to drop the submissive drop into their sub space as the sub becomes distrustful and unsure of the full experience of the scene. It is the Mistress’ responsibility to enhance that bond of trust with the sub with every scene. Thoughtful after care is the perfect way to do this.

When I scene with spirit, I try to make sure that I have put enough time aside to assure that there is ample time for proper after care. Yesterday spirit was sort of on the edge of his top space all day. We haven’t been able to spend as much time with each other as we used to due to conflicting work schedules, so any time spent in a scene is enjoyable way to spend some quality time together. With a penetrating look and a commanding tone, I was able to take spirit down a level with little difficulty. Within no time, he was willing to do whatever I desired. his other persona, L’il Asha, hasn’t shown herself lately so I decided it was time to bring her out for the evening. The previous night we had been shopping and we picked up some new breasts for Asha which generously enhance her look. I played dress up with Asha, and she received a few new items with grateful anticipation, a pair of lacy panties, a silky green teddy and silky navy camisole. When Asha is out she can be a naughty girl who enjoys a good flogging. I always find it wondrous that I can bring Asha out or take spirit to these places deep in his mind, to find that happy place where he/she can just ‘be’. However bringing them back in a loving way is usually more on My mind. Lots of love, cuddles, and gentle sentiments to let him know that I accept all of him is always a part of My after care for spirit. he still battles with his male ego and societal standards when it comes to Asha. With love and support, My wish is for him to accept himself as much as I accept him. Perhaps with continued loving after care when we scene, he will discover that within himself.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2007-02-14T20:46:00.000-08:00

What a nice surprize awaited Me when I came home from work today. spirit left Me some roses & a card with a gift card inside it that for Valentine's Day. I was so very moved as I didn't expect anything from him as I knew he would be working this evening. I also received this ecard from him which included the below poem that he wrote from the heart:

"Will you be my sweet Valentine Mistress! or do I need to beg?
I love you more than beer in a huge keg.
Will you make me your little one and your boy?
Train me, love me & teach me to make Me jump with joy,
i am your spirit Mistress, i am your helpless pawn,
Will you be my Valentine Mistress
i worship the floor that you walk on."

he is such a thoughtful sub and has made his Mistress feel very happy on this day.

Happy Valentine's Day to all!

A Submissive Male?

2007-01-21T17:06:00.000-08:00

The other day I noticed an interesting post from a submissive male who was looking for a Domme in one of the groups that I belong to. Throughout the post he mentioned numerous failed past experiences, with articulate details of how the mentioned Dommes were not behaving in manner that he felt was ‘genuinely’ dominant towards him. He went on a long tirade of what he wants and expects from a Domme with very little of what he had to offer to the ‘lucky’ Lady. Near mid post he dropped a few gems of satisfying episodes, which was in his terms adequately visually and physically stimulating. I couldn’t help but think how this man could believe that he was being even remotely submissive towards Dommes or that he even has submissive tendencies. From his post he seemed to be much more into the SM and kink aspect of a relationship, to have a play partner that he could control in a pseudo D/s package. From the responses by a number of Dommes in the group, they found his approach abrasive and offensive. That old cliché that came to My mind while I was reading ‘you can attract more bees with honey than vinegar.’ Sourness pervaded his post.

I guess what irritated Me the most was the arrogance in which this person portrayed himself. He was trying to package himself with a label and wrap it up with a silk bow, but didn’t realize that he came across as someone who seems completely self-serving, not as someone who is willing to serve. There is nothing wrong with stating what you are looking for, your limits or what you expect from a relationship. However, falsely portraying yourself in a manner just to get a partner will have disastrous results for both people involved, some of which this person had described in past experiences at the beginning of his post.

There are many levels of D/s and what works for some may not work for others. There are many into just the play aspects of what BDSM represents, some just into the psychological parts of D/s. There is no right or wrong way. The key to finding a partner that is just right for you is to set the stage up for communication instead of confrontation. Please tell Me your thoughts on this.

Happy Holidays

2006-12-26T13:47:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to everyone! May all your D/s dreams come true in 2007!

Bring on the Night

2006-12-18T19:59:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, I finally had the pleasure of taking spirit out to a Fetish Night at one of the local clubs. We had talked about going to experience the local scene for such a long time but never seemed to be available when those weekends came around, (there are a couple of fetish nights on Saturdays in every month). With mounting eagerness, I decided it was high time to get out and have a bit of fun. We checked out Sin City at Club 23.

I thought we arrived early at the club, (before door opening) but a huge line up had already formed with people dressed up in their fetish best. spirit was excited…it was his first time wearing his collar in public and to be seen officially with his Mistress. I thought he looked smoking hot in his black leather pants, black shirt and collar. I was dressed all in black, but felt quick conservative in light of some of the outfits. I definitely got some great ideas for My next fet wear shopping trip. The DJ spun some great tunes as I danced with spirit for a couple of hours. What I enjoyed the most, other than just being in a public ‘scene’ was the openness and acceptance that was abound at the club. There were pro-Dommes there with pets in tow, t-girls and lifestyle Mistress’s & Doms, all ages & sizes, just enjoying the night out. The club is multi-level with a lounge area with couches upstairs and a fully functional dungeon in the lower level. The line up was too long to use the X or the whipping post for My liking, but I did enjoy watching the people using the props, with spirit by My feet of coarse. he totally enjoyed himself and was more in his ‘sub space’ than he had been in a long time. While enjoying the show in the dungeon, I had spirit take off My boots and give Me a foot massage. It felt so good after all that dancing.

The club stays open until 3:00 am but I was ‘done’ around 1:00 am. With the last quick circuit of the club, we bid our adieu and made our way home. We look forwards to the next fet night that we will attend in the New Year.

Power Exchanges in D/s

2006-11-08T20:25:00.000-08:00

As most people will find out if they choose to explore the D/s realm, D/s it is not about pain, it's about control and it's about power. It’s about who had it, who's given it up, and who's got it now. Just as people involved in S/M play love the dynamics of the power exchange, it is also an important part of a D/S relationship, and I don't mean just the power a partner has given to his Mistress to dominate him in the sexual arena.

I feel that power in itself is sensual. For the Mistress, the idea of power is thrilling. For the submissive, the idea of powerlessness is undeniably erotic. Some men submit willingly, some like the illusion of being forced and some like to put up a bit of a fight which I consider as testing the Mistress. If he puts up a struggle with her direction it could be because he is unsure about surrendering his control or he enjoys provoking the Mistress on some level so she can punish him. For those involved in casual D/s relationship (say mainly BDSM scening), the exchange of power is a game that is played for a certain length of time. Although the experience is real, the fact that the exchange is only temporary makes it erotically stimulating. In a 24/7 D/s relationship, it is always simmering just below the surface. Roles are firmly established and held to on a deeper level regardless of any situation that the couple may find themselves in.

The ideal Mistress can control her submissive because she obviously is in control of herself. She listens to her submissive. She is his mentor, his guide, his muse. She understands the fear and eroticism the submissive feels during play. The Mistress always knows fantasy from reality and provides and emotionally supportive environment for her submissive. She can be enough of a sadist to inflict pain in the heat of the moment and loving enough to use it only as an instrument to increase pleasure. She is imaginative and creative, and cares for the emotional and physical well-being of her submissive. She knows that his submission to her is a gift and that his surrender is voluntary. She knows that she has only the illusion of power and is in control with the permission of the submissive. She knows that part of being a Mistress means pleasing her submissive and in that sense, she is submissive to the will of the other. She respects his limits and appreciates the depth of trust he has placed in her and knows that respecting his limits is the basis for trust. She knows that BDSM play is not to be performed in anger. It can be a creative transformation of everyday frustrations into erotic play that will bring pleasure and a deeper level understanding to both of them.

Telling his Wife

2006-10-09T08:32:00.000-07:00

I received this email the other day seeking advice from a submissive husband who is unsure of how to tell his Wife of his desires in serving Her. he is worried that She might not respond favorably once he has descided to open up to Her. his email and My response is below.

'Mistress..i am a 53 year old man desperate to serve and please his Wife..but is afraid to really approach her in such a way that She will understand that it is for her joy..can You help me deal with this..please.'

'Greetings,

The easiest way is to introduce D/s to Her is gently. Show Her literature online like Elise Sutton's or Paige Harrison's websites or even My own blog, and see how She reacts. If She shows interest and is openn, go further to introduce Her to more of the lifestyle. A key factor here is to always respect Her responses to what you are showing Her, either positive or negative. If you are too pushy, She will more than likely back off and it will be more difficult for you in the end. Always be honest & open with Her and encourage Her to express Her feelings by you doing the same, (lead by example). It may be a long process due to societal conditioning, however, with luck, She will realize that this is a wonderful lifestyle which will have many benefits to you both.

In the meantime, if you are truly sincere in serving Her, do it now in small ways. Offer to help Her more around the house, or with tasks that She may perform alone, like dishes without making a big deal about it or seeking verbal rewards. Run Her a bath, be more attentive during love making, even to the point of just pleasing Her. Make Her feel like She is the center of your universe and that your purpose is to bring Her joy. If you approach Her in a sincere, loving way, I believe that She will start to respond positively to you. Good luck on your journey of self-discovery in D/s.'

D/s is a dance between partners; a showing of faith and love which can go so much deeper than a regular vanialla relationship. It creates a circle of trust between the partners involved; a bond that will defy difficult times and will allow them to experience a level of passion that many others wish they could achieve. I wish them sucess in finding their path.

Balance in Vanilla Life & D/s

2006-09-17T21:08:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been a very stressful time in our vanilla lives once again. I am in the process of looking for new work while working and spirit is working now too. With new schedules to work around, there hasn’t been much free time to scene or connect profoundly on a D/s level. Vanilla life was starting to encroach full time in our lives which left us both moody and restless. We both knew that we needed to find the balance between the vanilla and D/s aspects but were too angry with each other to take the time to figure out how. As Mistress, I knew it was up to Me to get a grip of the situation and help spirit realign to his submissive nature.

spirit was having a difficult time transitioning with his work self and his submissive self. When he came home from work, he was resistive to duties that he normally would cheerfully perform and would question instructions for tasks that I would give to him. he would try to top from the bottom on many occasions with feelings of guilt later. I would become angry with this behaviour and flip out, with the result of Myself feeling very un-Mistress like and unhappy. The endless power struggles were exhausting and damaging the bond that we had strived so hard to develop. We both needed an attitude adjustment.

As for Myself, I needed to relax & calm down before I could take any steps to rectify the situation. I needed to feel grounded again in My role. Reading D/s literature and connecting with other Mistress’ online helped. I found that I am not so alone with coping with this imbalance issue. Living a 24/7 D/s relationship has its challenges with this being one of the biggest ones; how to create and maintain the strong bond with you submissive with lasting results.

Once I felt back in My natural Mistress state, I started to give direction once again to spirit. Attitude is everything, and spirit could tell I was back with My vocal tone, My body language & My demeanor. Any bad behaviour on his part would not be tolerated. Within a few moments of speaking with spirit, he dropped from his top space into his mid-space, something that I was unable to do within the last few weeks. It felt very rewarding. spirit had returned to his happy place, a place where he feels cared for, deeply loved and devotedly submissive. Balance for both of us had once again been achieved. Sometimes this lifestyle can be a challenge but in the end, it is so very worth it. When we finally had time to scene, it was a very gratifying experience. I’ll fill you in on those details another time ;).

Puppy Play

2006-09-05T21:44:00.000-07:00

In the last few weeks I have been able to bring out another aspect of spirit’s personality…his inner puppy. he had mentioned to Me many times that he had role-played online in Furry rooms but I didn’t really understand exactly what it all entailed, (no pun intened)!

After doing a bit of research on the net, I discovered that online Furry or Furries rooms are chat rooms where people role-play being all sorts of animals, creating worlds and sometimes full-on lifestyles. We’re talking about real-time communities here. Specifically, communities of people built loosely around the idea that they aren’t really people at all, but instead are, um, "furries." They are the sort of folk who are getting in touch with their inner kinkajous, if you will. They hang out together, and there are more of them than you might think. Since spirit had interest in exploring this avenue, I decided that I was up to the challenge to see if I could take him to his own ‘puppy’ space.

spirit had no idea what I had in mind when I stood at the living room entrance with his collar in-hand. I called him over and put him in his greeting position to receive his collar. With a hug and a kiss, I lead him over to our couch and had him sit on it as he waited in anticipation of what I had planned. I started to lightly kiss him on the lips, ever so delicately and pulling away quickly with eyes wide open staring into his. Within 10 minutes of this, his pupils were dilating and slightly rolling up as his lips were quivered with longing, only just getting a taste of what was to come. he started to make soft moans almost a whimpering as I asked him who owns him. “You Mistress, You own me, forever & always.” “That’s right spirit, I own you in ALL ways, and I want to meet someone new tonight” I say to him in a hushed tone. “Who Mistress, who are You to meet?” he says, concern clouding his eagerness. “I know that there is someone other aspect of yourself that is wanting to come out tonight…I will call him Miko, My puppyboy.” his eyes widen when he realizes the intent of what I have just said. As he descends into deeper into his sub-space, his mind stops functioning in a habitual manner. Conscious thought diminishes as he trains his ears on the soothing sounds that I am whispering. Throughout this whole process, I am gazing deeply into his eyes, slowly putting him in a blissful trance, a new play space where he feels completely secure, loved and happy. I say to spirit that he is not allowed to speak human language any more. he must try to show Me what he wants and only gently ‘woof’ to get My attention. he nods his understanding. I continue to kiss him but I want My ‘puppy’ to give his Mistress some good licks, to please Her in the way She enjoys the most. he eagerly goes to task as I encourage My ‘puppy’ to please Me with numerous ‘What a good doggie Miko is’ phrases. When I am fully satisfied, I have him lay beside Me as I stroke his head in My lap, lovingly caressing his body. As he slowly rises from this new space, he feels vaguely embarrasses but exhilarated at the same time. I re-emphasize that I love ALL aspects of who spirt is with Miko just being one of the many.

I find it heartening that I have the ability to take spirit to all his deep and somewhat buried ‘happy’ spaces. By exploring them in a safe environment and with My assistance, he can discover all his hidden passions. It is comforting for him to know that I am in full support of all the discoveries that we will be uncovering in the weeks and months ahead. I look forward to every new one.

Be True to Yourself

2006-08-06T16:52:00.000-07:00

Be true to yourself – no other phase has ever been uttered that is more honest or more enigmatic. Does it mean finding your own path, being above the pack and living the life you wish which may fly in the face of societal standards?

The short answer is ‘Yes’. But taking the higher road to self fulfillment isn’t always easy. In order to be true to yourself, you must do things for yourself which many may view as acts of selfishness. I believe we are all selfish, to a certain degree. And yet, the word has such negative connotations. Even the definition of selfish is rather negative. And yet, is it not somewhat selfish when we are being true to ourselves or doing what we feel and know is right for ourselves? It is a fine line to walk. However, the benefits of knowing yourself and knowing the best way to live your life can be such a joyous experience, regardless of what others may think.

In all relationships, both parties have to be getting what they need and want from the relationship or it won't last and one or both will move on. That in itself denotes some selfishness, but I don't see this as a bad thing, for if any relationship, vanilla, D/s or whatever, is going to work for the long term, both parties need to be fulfilled and satisfied by it.

Yes, in a D/s relationship the illusion is that the Mistress gets all the satisfaction. But in reality, both parties do. For a submissive/slave has a need deep inside to serve, so by serving, they are fulfilling their need (selfishness). Mistresses are seen to be doing all the taking, when in truth, they are not taking anything that is not being freely offered and given. In fact, Mistresses give just as much to the submissive in time, appreciation and attention that the submissive so richly craves. In the end, both parties are getting what they need/want from the relationship. One is not more selfish than the other.

Selfishness is not necessarily a bad thing since NOT being true to ourselves would be more harmful than anything else. The key is in the balancing of utilizing our selfishness for the benefit of the relationship and not in being greedy and taking without giving.

As Leaders, Woman Rule

2006-07-31T21:45:00.000-07:00

This article was sent to Me by an online friend. I felt it was fitting to post on My journal. It originally ran in Business Week Online.

As Leaders, Women Rule
New studies find that female managers outshine their male counterparts in almost every measure

Twenty-five years after women first started pouring into the labor force--and trying to be more like men in every way, from wearing power suits to picking up golf clubs--new research is showing that men ought to be the ones doing more of the imitating. In fact, after years of analyzing what makes leaders most effective and figuring out who's got the Right Stuff, management gurus now know how to boost the odds of getting a great executive: Hire a female.

That's the essential finding of a growing number of comprehensive management studies conducted by consultants across the country for companies ranging from high-tech to manufacturing to consumer services. By and large, the studies show that women executives, when rated by their peers, underlings, and bosses, score higher than their male counterparts on a wide variety of measures--from producing high-quality work to goal-setting to mentoring employees. Using elaborate performance evaluations of execs, researchers found that women got higher ratings than men on almost every skill measured. Ironically, the researchers weren't looking to ferret out gender differences. They accidentally stumbled on the findings when they were compiling hundreds of routine performance evaluations and then analyzing the results.

The gender differences were often small, and men sometimes earned higher marks in some critical areas, such as strategic ability and technical analysis. But overall, female executives were judged more effective than their male counterparts. ''Women are scoring higher on almost everything we look at,'' says Shirley Ross, an industrial psychologist who helped oversee a study performed by Hagberg Consulting Group in Foster City, Calif. Hagberg conducts in-depth performance evaluations of senior managers for its diverse clients, including technology, health care, financial-service, and consumer-goods companies. Of the 425 high-level executives evaluated, each by about 25 people, women execs won higher ratings on 42 of the 52 skills measured.

Bias of Experience: "I know I'm going to get a certain quality of work," says Shukla, who recently sold her Web software company for $390 million

The growing body of new research comes at a time when talent-hungry recruiters are scrambling to find execs who can retain workers and who can excel in the smaller bureaucracies of New Economy companies. Women think through decisions better than men, are more collaborative, and seek less personal glory, says the head of IBM's Global Services Div., Douglas Elix, who hired two managers within this year--both women. Instead of being motivated by self-interest, women are more driven by ''what they can do for the company,'' Elix says. Adds Harvard Business School Professor Rosabeth Moss Kanter, author of the 20-year-old management classic, Men and Women of the Corporation: ''Women get high ratings on exactly those skills needed to succeed in the global Information Age, where teamwork and partnering are so important.''

It's no surprise, then, that some executives say they're beginning to develop a new hiring bias. If forced to choose between equally qualified male and female candidates for a top-level job, they say they often pick the woman--not because of affirmative action or any particular desire to give the female a chance but because they believe she will do a better job. ''I would rather hire a woman,'' says Anu Shukla, who sold her Internet marketing-software company Rubric Inc. earlier this year for $390 million. ''I know I'm going to get a certain quality of work, I know I'm going to get a certain dedication,'' she says, quickly adding that she's fully aware that not all women execs excel. Similarly, Brent Clark, CEO of Grand Rapids-based Pell Inc., the nation's largest foot-care chain, says he would choose a woman over a man, too. Women are more stable, he says, less turf-conscious, and better at ''all sorts of intangibles that can help an organization.''

But if women are so great, why aren't more of them running the big companies? Thousands of talented women now graduate from business schools and hold substantive middle-management jobs at major corporations--45% of all managerial posts are held by females, according to the Labor Dept. Yet only two of the nation's 500 biggest companies have female CEOs: Hewlett-Packard Co.'s ( HWP) Carly Fiorina and Avon Products' ( AVP) Andrea Jung. And of the 1,000 largest corporations, only six are run by women.

UNREWARDED. For one thing, there's still a pipeline problem: Most women get stuck in jobs that involve human resources or public relations--posts that rarely lead to the top. At the same time, female managers' strengths have long been undervalued, and their contributions in the workplace have gone largely unnoticed and unrewarded. Companies are now saying they want the skills women typically bring to the job, but such rhetoric doesn't always translate into reality. Some businesses view women only as workhorses, well-suited for demanding careers in middle management but not for prime jobs. These undercurrents of bias in Corporate America infuriate many women, who then bail out rather than navigate unsupportive terrain. ''They're doing the work, but they don't make it to the top,'' says Lyn Andrews, president of WebMD Health, a consumer unit of WebMD Corp. ( HLTH) in New York. Many start their own companies, while others seek a different work/family balance than many corporations offer. There are now more than 9 million women-owned businesses in the U.S., double the number 12 years ago.

Old-School Advice: One of managing director Kiely's ex-bosses told her: "You should be looking out for yourself, not your people"

The new studies offer some clues about why the cultural mismatch between women and large companies persists and why it's so critical to keep women on board. What makes the new research more compelling than other such data is that it is based on results culled from executives' actual performance evaluations rather than on opinion surveys or experiments that simulate business situations.

Because the participants had no idea that their evaluations would end up as part of a study on gender, the data are untainted, says Janet Irwin, a California management consultant who conducted one of the studies. ''We were startled by the results,'' she says.

Irwin and her colleagues discovered that women ranked higher than men on 28 of 31 measures. Irwin was stunned by women's consistently high ratings and how the scores defied conventional wisdom. Contrary to stereotypes, women outperformed men in all kinds of intellectual areas, such as producing high-quality work, recognizing trends, and generating new ideas and acting on them. ''Women's strengths are stronger than men's,'' says Irwin, ''and their weaknesses are not as pronounced.''

Several other studies showed similar patterns. Personnel Decisions International, a consulting firm in Minneapolis, looked at a huge sample--58,000 managers--and found that women outranked men in 20 of 23 areas. Larry Pfaff, a Michigan management consultant, examined evaluations from 2,482 executives from a variety of companies and found that women outperformed men on 17 of 20 measures.

Some of the researchers draw different conclusions, though, arguing that the research shows that women executives are equally effective as their male counterparts but not necessarily superior. While women score better, and the scores are statistically significant, says Susan Gebelein, executive vice-president of Personnel Decisions, those differences don't mean much in the real world. Why? Because the consulting firm has tested so many thousands of people, which can make minor differences appear more important than they really are. Women have always outscored men in such evaluations, says Gebelein, whose company began looking at gender differences in 1984. And they score highest at the most male-dominated companies because, she surmises, of the type of woman who succeeds in such environments--someone who must be superior in every way.

Robert Kabacoff, a vice-president at Management Research Group in Portland, Me., also wondered if women were getting higher test scores in these studies for reasons other than gender. They might have rated higher because they weren't being compared with men holding similar jobs, he suggests. Managers of human-resources departments often get rated higher on people skills than other supervisors, for instance. If the majority of female managers in a study work in human resources, vs. only a minority of males, the results may have more to do with job than gender.

MISUNDERSTOOD. To eliminate such potential distortions, Kabacoff conducted a differently designed study in 1998. He compared male and female managers who worked at the same companies, held similar jobs, were at the same management level, and had the same amount of supervisory experience. When he examined 1,800 supervisors in 22 management skills, he found that women outranked men on about half of the measures. Female managers were graded more effective by peers and subordinates, but bosses still judged men and women equally competent as leaders. ''Men and women seem to be doing roughly equally effective jobs, but they approach their jobs differently,'' says Kabacoff.

Certainly, many women managers are keenly aware that they inhabit a different reality at the office than men. Nancy Hawthorne, former chief financial officer at Continental Cablevision Inc., who is now a consultant, says she often felt her bosses ''wondered what the heck I was doing.'' At meetings, she often allowed subordinates to explain the details of ongoing projects. She felt her role was to delegate tasks to people around her to help them be more effective. ''I was being traffic cop and coach and facilitator,'' she said. ''I was always into building a department that hummed.''

And sometimes, women say, they were badgered about using the very skills the research found so valuable. Sandra Kiely, managing director and chief administrative officer at National City Investment Management Co. in Cleveland, recalls that one of her bosses at National City Bank warned that her management style would hurt her career. ''You should be looking out for yourself, not your people,'' he advised her.

Everyone knows that women have long excelled at teamwork, but getting results was one of the categories in which women earned their highest marks in these studies. Jackie Streeter, Apple Computer Inc.'s ( AAPL) vice-president for engineering, says she has repeatedly volunteered to shift dozens of employees out of her division because she felt they would better fit into a different department--a move that she says ''startled'' her male colleagues. ''It's not the size of your organization that counts but the size of the results you get,'' says Streeter, who has 350 people working for her.

New Business Model: Companies assume people skills aren't business skills, says management professor Fletcher, when in fact, they're inextrictable

Women are also more likely to disregard as a useless power trip another long-held management bugaboo: keeping information tightly controlled. ''It's better to overcommunicate,'' says Shukla, whose Web startup, Rubric, made 65 of her 85 employees millionaires. Rather than dispensing information on a need-to-know basis, she made sure information was shared with all of her employees. She also created the CEO lunch, inviting six to eight employees at a time to discuss the business with her.

CARING WORKS. Companies can also undercut women's strengths in another, often inadvertent way: by assuming that people skills are not business skills. In fact, they are inextricable, argues Joyce Fletcher, a professor at Simmons Graduate School of Management in Boston and author of Disappearing Acts: Gender, Power, and Relational Practice at Work. Employees who feel cared about by their bosses or are inspired by them often produce higher-quality work, consultants say. And supervisors who know how to deal with conflict get better results.

Women have been doing this kind of work for years, but their behavior is often devalued because their intentions are misunderstood, says Fletcher. A woman who takes the time to talk to an employee about a meeting he has missed, for instance, might simply be considered a nice person--not someone trying to make sure that the staff has enough information to make an important decision. Her business actions become invisible, since the staff attributes her behavior to just being kind.

Similarly, duties such as coaching and keeping people informed are often taken as a given. But these tasks can actually be the invisible glue that holds a company together, which, until the 360-degree feedback evaluation came along, rarely got examined. ''It's like somebody doing your laundry,'' says Hawthorne, the former Continental Cablevision exec. ''You rely on them to have clean clothes,'' but the work is ''invisible when it's done well.'' Because ''the guys are into glamour,'' says National City's Kiely, women often end up in charge of difficult and unglamorous tasks such as performance reviews.

Kiely bristles at some research that concluded that women aren't perceived as strategic or vision-oriented. Her strategy, she says, is to make people think something is their idea so she can get them to buy into a plan.

Another potential trap: Women's biggest strengths can also become their biggest weaknesses, says Vivian Eyre, a New York management consultant. By working so hard to get great results, they often take away time from building critical business alliances. ''Given the opportunity to stay in their offices and make sure their report is perfect or going out of their office and talking to Joe about his business, women are more likely to do their own work,'' says Eyre.

What's more, she adds, women still suffer from a lack of mentoring and being kept outside informal networks of communication. Many women admit that because they spend so much time focusing on getting results, they don't think enough about strategy and vision--qualities that Harvard's Kanter says are still the most important in a top executive. ''If women are seen as only glorified office facilitators but not as tough-minded risk-takers,'' says Kanter, ''they will be held back from the CEO jobs.''

In the end, it takes a lot more than competence to make it to the top. Getting the best performance evaluations in the company's history may not be nearly enough. ''When you actually sit down in a selection committee to choose the CEO, lots of subtle assumptions come into play,'' said Deborah Merrill Sands, co-director of Simmons' Center on Gender & Organization. Companies may say they want collaborative leaders, but they still hold deep-seated beliefs that top managers need to be heroic figures. Interpersonal skills may be recognized as important, she said, but they aren't explicitly seen as corner-office skills. ''We are in the process of changing our concepts of leadership,'' she says. ''But organizations haven't evolved that much yet.''

In fact, Kabacoff has just finished a new study showing how CEOs and corporate boards view upper management, and he found a clear double standard. Male CEOs and senior vice-presidents got high marks from their bosses when they were forceful and assertive and lower scores if they were cooperative and empathic. The opposite was true for women: Female CEOs got downgraded for being assertive and got better scores when they were cooperative. Kabacoff's conclusion? ''At the highest levels, bosses are still evaluating people in the most stereotypical ways.'' That means that even though women have proven their readiness to lead companies into the future, they're not likely to get a shot until their bosses are ready to stop living in the past.

By Rochelle Sharpe in Boston

The Power of Play

2006-07-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

It’s a common cliché that if life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. But sometimes life’s stresses can be a bit too much and shifting out of a negative mindset takes more than just positive thinking or simple talk.

spirit hasn’t been emotionally feeling himself lately. There has been some stress’ in his and our lives that has been weighing heavily on his heart & mind. he is quite a sensitive person and from time to time he can become quite withdrawn and emotionally shut off. Today was one of those days. Try as I might, I felt I was only getting half way though to him whenever I tried to connect. As I grew more concerned of his emotional state, I realized that the power of play could dismantle the wall that he had mentally assembled.

Important parts of D/s are play. Not the core, but a lot of the protocol, the attitudes, the expectations. It all feeds into the undertows, our motivations, our drives, sexual and emotional. There is a fine line between play and need and it is important to recognize where one feeds into the other, and why. D/s is serious business and must be treated as such, as it touches upon and reaches into our most basic needs. The power of play cannot be under-estimated.

I approached him in a divine state, dressed in a long silver gown, silver shoes and crop in hand. Being as detached as he was, it took a few moments for him to notice Me standing before him. But when he looked up, his eyes grew wide and in seconds he was on his knees. “Kiss My foot” I said, as I pointed silvered toes towards his face. he instantly complied and smothered My toes with his tender lips. As a reward, he felt the kiss of My crop on his behind, encouraging him to continue his worship. Since it was a hot day and I choose not to put his collar on. I felt that easiest way to get him to the bedroom was to grab a handful of hair and have him crawl on his knees to the bed. I ordered him get in to his punishment position so I could discipline him for shutting Me out earlier. Sometimes the easiest way to open a sub’s mind is through his butt ~smile~.

I lightly cropped him and gradually increased force as I noticed his arousal. I switched to My small flogger then had him face Me, arms fully extended above his head so I could lash his torso. Through his mild pleas his excitement was all too apparent. I knew he was almost in his ‘happy place’. “Kiss Me now, spirit” I said as I forcefully grabbed his head and pulled his face closer to Mine. With quivering lips, his mouth hungrily met Mine. Ah, there is was in his eyes, the shift had finally happened; the wall had crumbled. Victory was Mine once again as he let go of all the worries he was clinging to. I had him get on his hands and knees one last time, butt facing Me to deftly deliver the final strikes that would take him over the edge into bliss.

Play completed, I lay down on the bed beside him as he exhaustedly crawled to My side. he clings to Me despite the heat, trembling as he gradually comes back to his top space. We are connected once again. The wall is down and I hope it will not go back up too soon. I will use the powers of play to keep our connection strong and the woe’s of the world at bay.

Foot Worship

2006-07-09T22:25:00.000-07:00

Of the many rituals that I enjoy within My D/s relationship, personal worship is an area that I enjoy the most. This worship can change at any given time depending on My desires but over time spirit has become in-tune with My needs and can anticipate how he may serve Me best. I felt I was long over due for some foot worship on the weekend.

I have spirit prepare the water, soap & lotions to bathe My feet to give them the proper care. I am seated in our living room in a comfortable chair that I use especially for this purpose. spirit serves Me naked except for his collar, an appearance that I always love to behold. he starts by gently inserting each foot into a basin full of warm water and softly strokes My feet. he washes each foot with loving kindness and tender caresses until they are cleansed to My satisfaction. he individually takes each foot from the basin and places them in a soft, fluffy towel to dry them off. As he reaches for the lotion, I tell him, ‘no, no spirit, no lotion yet. I want your tongue & mouth to worship My toes now’, to which he eagerly commenced his task. I take pleasure in the feeling of his warm, wet mouth lovingly sucking each toe with so much devotion. By the look of adulation in his eyes and seeing his stiff member I know that he is enjoying his task just as much as I am. When I feel My feet have been worshiped to My standards, I have him rinse off My feet in the basin once again, to be dried and massaged with lotion. Each foot is rubbed down with meticulous precision as total relaxation leisurely fills My body. When spirit was finished he asks Me ‘Mistress, is there any else I can do for you at this time?’ ‘Yes, just one more thing’ I say as he eagerly awaited My reply. I lean down and shower him with kisses, his reward for a task well done. A bit of nostalgia touches U/us both since foot worship was the very first task that I had spirit perform for Me when W/we first met. Who knew at that time what lay ahead of U/us, or what a wonderful relationship could blossom from that initial encounter.

A Natural Progression to FemDom

2006-06-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

The first power we all know is Female. When we were children the first authority we know is Mother, in all Her glory or fury. Father is always there in the background but in many families, it is Mother who lays down the law as it is to be followed, She who might punish but who always forgave.

Although all Women start life as Daughters, not Mothers, they must someday move forward from being a powerless child to being a Woman in authority. Becoming a Domme is one way to celebrate your innate Female strength. Indeed, every Woman, whether She becomes a Mother or chooses not to bear children, must experience the transformation into a Female authority in order to become an adult, truly Her own Mistress and to find the Goddess within.

This transformation was considerably simpler in the days when Goddess worship was the way of life. Within our patriarchal society, a Woman’s worth has been feared and suppressed with the resulting marginalization of half of the world’s population. But slowly a shift is happening. Woman and men are recognizing that the system in place doesn’t work, that it neglects the most important issues that face a Woman’s future today; Her right to live her life as she see fit with supportive males to lift Her up. As difficult as it is for a young Girl deal with Her passage into Womanhood, She must learn to accept and use Her innate Female power in order to gain the independence and control She so much deserves.

It took a while for Me to find My inner authority. I always knew it was there, strong but shy, waiting for My confidence to build up for it to be released. I feel it was one of the main reasons why I felt angry so much of the time before I discovered D/s. I was independent and self assured in knowing what I wanted but was unable to reach it. I was psychologically knocked back every time when I attempted to push the boundaries that had been set in the relationship I had. It was a very fustrating time in My life but a learning experience too. I solidified what was important to Me and gave Me the grit to go after what I wanted and to end the relationship I was in. Soon after I discovered D/s and as they say, the rest is Herstory. I heard somewhere that you can't enjoy the sweet without tasting the bitter first and oh how sweet it is being in a loving D/s relationship.

Attitude - A New and Powerful Self

2006-06-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

The practice of Female Domination allows the Mistress to express Her power, the tough and controlling part of Herself that may be unacceptable at work or in the community. When you assume the role of Mistress, with its attendant garb, behavior, speech, and rituals, you may feel like you are becoming someone else. In the process, you will find yourself allowed to say and do things strictly forbidden in ordinary life. Paradoxically, that someone else is yourself - just a part of yourself that was hidden until you gave permission for Her to emerge. When I first discovered D/s I had a difficult time finding balance in My every day life. At home I ruled the roost, but at work I was in a submissive type of position. It took a while until I had a good ‘game face’ for work that didn’t take away from the new persona that I was incorporating into My life. Instead of being aggressive, I became assertive using the quiet power that I had learned in D/s. I was soon able to intergrate this power into all areas of My life. D/s allowed Me to accept all of Myself.

The transformation is uniquely liberating for each Woman. Letting your wicked and powerful inner self out to play is more than a sure cure for stress. In Jungian terms, it is a way of integrating your Shadow, the hidden and rejected self.

As a Mistress, you will be able to command the respect you may not otherwise receive, because on many levels, our culture devalues the female and exalts the male. It is a positive pleasure to come home from an encounter with a stupid, crude, or demeaning male to a sissy maid who worships and adores your divine femaleness. A properly trained male submissive will respect, worship, emotionally support you and help take stress away with pleasure. How refreshing!

With your new attitude, you will enjoy the thrill of defying all the deluded creatures (male and female) who taught you that men must be placated, appeased, and served. As a Mistress, you will be in charge of your male but more importantly, you will have a new and improved self-worth, which every Woman richly deserves. Just like Cleopatra, you will feel on top of the world!

Dreams & D/s

2006-06-04T20:35:00.000-07:00

I had a dream the other night about discovering an underwater village. I seem to have a lot of dreams where I am underwater but have no problem breathing. According to dream dictionaries, water represents our emotional selves and the depths that we can allow ourselves to explore those levels. Perhaps My adaptability to breathe in the water world of My dreams represents My personal acceptance of living a D/s lifestyle. Whereas vanilla people have a hard time understanding the complexities of Female lead relationships (can they breathe?), I flourish in My chosen role. There under the waves, a thriving female lead society had formed where there is little conflict and harmony rules. I am welcomed with wonder and excitement, another to join the settlement. However, My stay is brief as My journey is not yet complete. With their approval and information I have gathered, it is time to move on. I am propelled up to surface (reality?), to take with Me what I have learned about Myself and use it in the lifestyle. Back on the land, I see a tree, a large oak with no leaves but trinkets tied to every branch. I see shiny bits of metal of every shape and size swaying in the breeze yet reaching to the sky. Some have tangible shapes like a moon or a house, some un-molded, something yet to unfold. To Me this represents the many levels and distinctions in the lifestyle. The newly discovered souls who have to make their way through all the trial and tribulations of self-acceptance, to the seasoned connoisseurs of the lifestyle, the people who are inspirations to those coming into the fold. Each branch holds something a little different but W/we are all part of the same tree, the same community that accepts U/us for who W/we are. It seems that where ever W/we are going, there W/we are. I am content, I have arrived.

Are you worthy?

2006-05-30T19:04:00.000-07:00

Get into the groove, boy you’ve gotta prove yourself to Me. Ok, so it’s a twist on Madonna’s radio version, but doesn’t that phrase totally fit into O/our D/s lifestyle? It’s about the worthiness of a submissive and how he has to maintain that level of approval with his Mistress.

Once a sub jumps through all the hoops to actually become collared submissive, you would think that he would do everything in his power to maintain that bond. Sadly, this isn’t always the case. Some feel that by being collared, the goal has been attained. others, especially if they have the honor of being married to their Mistress, feel that there commitment level is confirmed by their wedding ring. They do not see it as journey. Oh, how wrong that attitude is. Don’t submissive men realize that they can be married to their Mistress but she doesn’t have to have them as a submissive if their service to her slides and/or completely diminishes? No where is it written that a Mistress can not ‘un-collar’ her subby hubby and have him in Her life as regular husband. After all, it is her right to do so. She may even perhaps decide to look for other male submissives who will worship and serve Her as She should be served. I suppose this could be considered a mild version of cockholding.

When Mistress takes Her time to properly train a submissive who in consideration for being collared, it is up to him to learn from Her training all that he can and be ready & willing to serve Her in whatever way She decides. Many men find this reality difficult and very different from the fantasy they had envisioned until the time of truth arrives. That magical moment, when they finally become ‘owned’, the goal every submissive desires can fade fast if the motivation behind the submissive is self-centered instead of selfless. A submissive must prove himself worthy on a regular, if not, daily basis in order to preserve to relationship that he is forming with his Mistress or face the prospects of replacement.

10 Rules for a Mistress

2006-05-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

I saw this posted in one of the groups that I belong to. I find it to be a true and concise list for any Mistress to use as guildline in Her D/s relationships.

For a Successful Mistress

1. Control the orgasm, and you control the male.

2. To make any fantasy work, you must build suspense in your submissive.

3. Stimulation plus frustration equals service and submission.

4. Every submissive will try to test the limits of your Rule. Never let him get away with anything. He needs you to be both firm and consistent.

5. Physical pain alone cannot satisfy a submissive. (A masochist, yes.)

6. The more aroused your submissive is, the more pain he can take.

7. The more effective your psychological Dominance, the less pain you will need to inflict to control and satisfy your submissive.

8. All punishment is a balance between intensity and duration. More intense pain should last less time; if you want to prolong the punishment, use less intense stimulation.

9. Submission increases with time. As long as you maintain firm control, the longer a session lasts, the more thoroughly submissive your male will become.

10. Your control and pleasure are inextricably intertwined with his submission and pleasure.

Training

2006-05-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

The other weekend I wanted to practice some anal training with spirit. I have a strap-on that I love to take him with but as of late O/our infrequent sessions have left him too tensed up to take it. It was time for him to remember the pleasure he had been missing.

I asked spirit to wait for Me in the bedroom, naked and in his punishment position which swiftly sinks him down from his top space to his nice submissive mid space. I feel that should really change O/our opening ritual sometimes, mix it up a bit. But it works so well that part of Me thinks,‘if it’s not broken, don’t fix it’. I always enjoy seeing him like this, eyes full of anticipation of what I’m going to do next, something that might be painful but always pleasurable. I tell him to get off the bed and to go & kneel on his hands & knees on a towel that I have placed on the floor near the bathroom. In order to fully appreciate his anus, it must be prepared properly, starting with an enema. he becomes shy & embarrassed as he realizes My intention but yields to Me, as always. I have learned not to fill the bag too full, only to 2/3’s of the way so the water will clean him but will not be too much of a discomfort when it is being held in his colon and the surrounding area. I make him hold the water for a full 5 minutes which can seem like forever but it is necessary for him to be clean and relaxed. I then allow him discharge the water & waste and let him finish cleaning himself up in the washroom while I wait and prepare the toys for the scene.

he comes to Me on his knees willing to do anything that I desire of him, just the way I like it. I tell him to get on the bed,his behind high in the air so I can inspect him. I grab his balls and tie them up in a hot pink silk scarf that I have just for that purpose. They look so charming, all dressed up and hanging like little plums. I lube up My finger & slowly insert it into his rectum while the other hand is holding his shaft. he shivers as I move My finger in & out. A long stream of clear fluid soon appears as it drips out of the head of his penis as I massage his prostrate, effectively milking him. he moans in frustration but enjoys this as the same time. When I feel he is relaxed enough I withdraw My finger and I put on the strap-on as I tell him what I’m going to do next. I know he wants it, he loves Me taking him, but there is always a small part of him that rebels, an offence to his male ego. As I ignore his weak pleas, I mount him with the lubed up black dong. Slowly, inch by inch, he takes it, but I can not, will not fully insert it. he is still not ready to take it all yet. But then that is what training is all about...practicing what will one day become second nature. Even so, I pump him as I can, while leaning down and grabbing his shaft with My other hand. That is part of the training too. W/we both know that the little head rules the big head. Any pleasure that comes to the little one will be remembered by the big one. As I pump a bit deeper and as his moans become louder, My hand is moving along his shaft bringing him closer to oblivion. I am at the deepest point when he climaxes, still only 1/2 way in…but it is enough.

spirit is spent, a quivering mass of flesh which needs to be comforted and held as all the emotional build up over the past few months is released. Like a babe in his mother’s arms, his head against My breast, he let’s go of all the stress that he has been clinging on to for dear life. Fresh & cleansed, W/we can both face the new obstacles surrounding O/our lives in O/our journey in D/s.

Back in the saddle again

2006-05-11T22:29:00.000-07:00

Life is starting to flow once more as I return to the road of wellness. spirit has been a strong, ever present part of My renewal process. With him by My side during this phase of the journey, My strength & desire returned with full force. I was fortunate to be able to take some time off from work and spend 10 days with spirit which was delightful. Many mornings were spent together with intimate play with the promise of more to come. I was hoping to see L’il Asha during My that time, but she unfortunately didn’t make an appearance. I did a couple of light scenes with spirit, that were peppered with lots of teasing in between. W/we were able to take in some local sites and do a couple of day trips. It was a terrific time for U/us to deepen the bond that W/we already share. I will elaborate on a few of O/our scenes in the next few posts.

Healing

2006-03-26T18:24:00.000-08:00

It has been a long, hard few weeks for Me as I have been fighting some sort of bacterial infection that has left Me exhausted and physically weak. When you are not feeling 100%, being in a D/s relationship becomes even more of a challenge. Many Mistress’ do not like their subs to view them as fragile in mind or body, but with My relationship with spirit, it being a 24/7 one, I didn’t really have much choice. My saving grace was that spirit has been by My side during even worse times (like when I was recovering from a car accident last year). His loving service to Me has never wavered once. I am fortunate of have found a submissive that views what I perceive as My weaknesses as strengths to him, that I even allow him to view a delicate aspect of Myself. To him, that is when true strength emerges. he loves and respects Me more because of it. It also makes him feel safe with Me so he feels comfortable to show every aspect of himself.

Everyone has a vulnerable side, but it is usually buried deep within a persons psyche, only being allowed out in their darkest hours, and usually alone. Healing physical and emotional matters is best done with a trusted individual. I am very blessed…spirit heals Me with his compassionate and kind ways. I can reciprocate by being able to take him to his emotional wounds, soothe the hurt and slowly make him feel whole. It’s a time consuming exercise, but to Me, it’s what being in a D/s relationship is about. To become a more complete person and to complete each other is the very goal W/we strive for on a daily basis.

Deep Space

2006-03-05T18:04:00.000-08:00

Last Friday, I was relaxing at home with spirit. W/we both were feeling exhausted as W/we had both been fighting colds over the last couple of weeks. Play sessions had taken a back seat due to O/our health concerns but I was feeling frisky and decide to try to drop spirit from his top space. With a few sensual kisses and My finger tips stroking his nipples, I easily had spirit descend into has middle space, ready and eager to do as I please. I kept him that way for a while, heightening his expectation of the unexpected. I asked him to go to the bedroom, get naked and to wait for Me in his punishment position. his excited eyes widened a bit at the request as he hopped of the couch to do as asked. I love it when he does what I say immediately. It let’s Me know that what is to come will be enjoyable for both of U/us.

I was welcomed into the room with spirit so carefully holding his position with a bit of concern in his eyes. ‘i have been a good boy, Mistress…why am i being punished?’ ‘Trust Me, spirit. spirit had seemed to of forgotten the conversation W/we had a few weeks earlier where I mentioned that I would not punish him this way for any of his misbehavior, (I have other methods that are much more effective than physical punishment). O/our physical punishment sessions would be for pleasure only. he need not have worried, he was in good hands.

I ran My lightly ran My fingertips over his back and buttocks, circling his torso making My way up to his nipples and down to his balls. I grabbed his balls and wrapped a silk scarf around them a few times and tied it tight. His balls looked lovely as the swung there wrapping in My hot pink scarf. I choose My crop and lightly smack his butt, gradually striking harder as My other hand caresses his now sensitive skin. As his skin slowly reddened, I decided to switch to My large flogger as I rhythmically struck his body. I moved it along his upper back and down to the bottom of his feet. Whimpers quietly escaped his lips. I reached down, pulled up his head and kissed him firmly, (much to his surprise) as I circled My arms around his torso to pull at his nipples. ‘hello spirit…are you with Me still? Where are you?’ Hardly any sound escaped lips but his eyes, oh his eyes, dilated & wide, primal with excitement. I kissed him again, feeling the raw hunger of his soul. Soaking in sweat, he was deep, deeper than he had ever been before into his sub space, his happy place. I then switched to My small flogger and had him kneel up on the bed, arms over head, fully exposed to Me as I flogged his chest, arms, thighs and groin area. his head hung down as he received each blow, but there was a smile on his lips. I directed him to get on his hands & knees again as I grabbed his stiff member. With firm, direct hits to his buttocks, I began the last stage of his session. With each strike, I pulled on his cock at the same time. I increased force with each strike while pulling on his cock, as he was groaning in bliss. he exploded in rapture while his whole body intensely shook for a few minutes. After he came back to Me, I held him gently in My arms while he joyfully wept, and expressed gratefulness of having such a wonderful Mistress.

It’s a tremendously powerful experience to take someone to that level, and I am delighted that I am able to take spirit there. It takes Me to My Dom space, My happy place to have that ability.

Bits & bites

2006-02-22T20:48:00.000-08:00

Life has just been humming along with spirit and I, keeping U/us so busy that it’s hard for Me to make the time to update here. I have been involved with work, studying, continued training for spirit and looking for a female sub worthy to own. There was one fem-sub that I was interested in. However, I misread her sincerity and will continue My search.

spirit has been busy with web design, learning how to play guitar and also how to cook, which he is finding that he is very proficient at. I’m continually impressed with the level of finesse that he applies to the meals that he prepares. I will encourage spirit to start up a cooking photo journal that will detail the wonderful meals that he has been creating. It is such a treat to come home and have a gourmet meal waiting for Me. It is an excellent skill to acquire for any sub.

This last weekend spirit and I attended a same sex wedding (lesbian). It’s was a beautiful day for an outdoor ceremony (where else in Canada can you even imagine an outdoor wedding in February, except Vancouver!). Both women looked fantastic and very much in love. It was a pleasure to attend and witness their bonding. W/we wish them many years of happiness. W/we are also fortunate to live in a country that is accepting of different lifestyles and recognizes that love takes many shapes and forms. I feel that there is a slow an inner awakening at hand within society, something wonderful that has been a long time in the coming. I believe that with acceptance and respect W/we will all be able to live the lives W/we choose without secrecy or shame. I look forwards to that day.

Effective Communication Skills

2006-02-16T21:12:00.000-08:00

Communication, such a basic function in daily interactions can sometimes be amazingly non-existent in personal and D/s relationships when disagreements or conflicts arise. When these situations happen, and they will from time to time, what is the best way to handle them without causing damage to the relationship?

I have listed a few examples of some ways to be an effective communicator that work for Me.

- Be a good listener – This is a vital part of any discussion but when there are disagreements, sometimes each person is too busy thinking about what to say next to truly pay consistent attention to what is being discussed. It takes a lot of hard work & practice to be a good listener but it is worth the effort in the end. When the other person feels that their concerns are being heard and understood, they may be more willing to accept an opposing view-point and be more open to reach a desired resolution to the conflict.

- Work on current issues and break the cross-complaining habit – Cross complaining happens when someone complains about something you have done and your emotional response is to verbally strake back and complain about something they may have done. For example: You have asked Your submissive to complete some task and it is still not finished 2 hours later. You complain that he is too slow and he responds by complaining that you didn’t give proper directions. This situation doesn’t create any good feelings and generally escalates into an argument in short order. Sassiness from a submissive is unacceptable but may happen and usually precludes some unstated problem. This is the time to have an open discussion about the current problem, not to just quarrel about other unrelated issues.

- Using the “I” message – If you treat people with love & respect, you will greatly reduce the amount of tension & stress in your relationships. Try to express your feelings when frustrated instead of just venting your emotions. (Limit any humiliation to the scenes you choose to play with your submissive).

- Use consistent verbal and non-verbal messages – Say what you mean, mean what you say and back it up with your body language. If you are saying something positive, make sure your tone of voice and facial expression matches what is being said. Only about 7% of communication skills are verbal. 38% is through vocal tone and volume and the remainder (a whole 55%) is through body movement. A gentle touch can make all the difference when You are trying to get Your point across to Your sub.

With practice, these few essential communication skills to assist your training may mean the difference between dealing with a disruptive, demanding sub verse developing a loving, devoted sub.

The Importance of Rituals

2006-02-13T21:16:00.000-08:00

One of the first things I did when I had decided to collar spirit was to teach him a few simple daily rituals that would maintain O/our D/s link at all times. I feel that these straightforward routines help spirit maintain focus on his set tasks and keeps O/our chosen roles firmly established within O/our TPE relationship.

The first ritual that I taught spirit was his greeting position. Upon Me arriving home from work, spirit must be waiting in the front room, kneeling straight up with his palms resting upwards on his thighs, collar in hand. (note: spirit is collared in My presence only. I remove his collar before I leave the house as this allows spirit to perform functions for Me in the vanilla world without advertising to others O/our Lifestyle choice. he does wear a silver chain 24/7 which he is not allowed to take off as a constant reminder of his ownership to Me).

When I arrive, he greets Me with a warm hug, holding his collar out so I may place it upon his neck. Once done, spirit sinks from his top space to his marginally down space, ever ready to do whatever bidding that I choose with happiness shining in his eyes.

A couple of other rituals I have established involves O/our morning and bed time routines. When I get up in the morning for work, I gently wake spirit up and he dutifully makes Me coffee, My breakfast and packs a lunch for Me while I shower and get ready for work. Since spirit his fulfilling his role of ‘boywife’ right now, he has the time to do this. I know in the future this will not always be, so I am taking full advantage of his lack of time constraints. With a hug and kiss, he sees Me off every work day like this. It makes U/us both feel cherished and gives a high-quality start to the day. In the evening, I must go to bed earlier than spirit. his routine begins by placing a glass of water beside the bed, turning down the sheets and waiting for Me to arrive. Once I am in bed, he gives Me a 10 – 15 minute foot rub to help Me relax and get ready to sleep. I feel completely pampered and taken cared of, and spirit feels wonderful that he can serve Me and worship Me in this manner.

W/we have achieved a level of intimacy with a few, simple rituals without the overt sexual tones of a BDSM scene. By creating a few rewarding procedures for spirit to follow it has brought U/us to a deeper understanding of how to fulfill O/our roles and each O/others needs within O/our relationship.

Blessed are they...

2006-02-07T20:05:00.000-08:00

Blessed are they.

Blessed are the Dominants, whose willingness to exercise responsibility for a submissive is the foundation of our Lifestyle.

Blessed is the submissive, whose only true joy and desire is to serve.

Blessed are the Tops whose careful and knowledgeable application of pain can make us fly beyond ourselves and reach peaceful heights of self-awareness.

Blessed are the bottoms who cheerfully and trustingly yield their bodies and becomes the Instrument for a Tops virtuosity.

Blessed are the Mistresses who realize the great gift they have been given and dedicate themselves to utilizing that gift with love and care.

Blessed are the slaves who find that One special person they can trust wholly and completely without fear so they may yield their hearts, minds, bodies, and souls without reservation.

Blessed are the Teachers and speakers, who impart precious knowledge to us all.

Blessed are the lesbians, gays and bi-sexuals, who have shown the courage to live out their inner needs under public scrutiny.

Blessed are the newbies, may they know only joy in this Lifestyle.

Blessed are those whose trust has been broken, may they find those who will help them heal, and may they once again build up the courage to extend trust once more.

Blessed is the Collar, the external symbol that binds two hearts and minds together.

Blessed are we all, for we are all bound together by the ties of our Lifestyle, which will forever separate us from the world at large.

~ Author Unknown

Perhaps an addition....

2006-02-03T22:42:00.000-08:00

In the last few months, I have had a few discussions with spirit in regards to adding a female submissive to O/our household. Not just any one, she must be someone keen on service and training, someone who is worthy to wear My collar. Since spirit is My alpha male, I take his feelings very seriously in regards to this and weigh the pro’s & con’s of how adding someone else to O/our household would affect O/our relationship. It can be a very exciting time but there are a few pit falls to beware of, such as sub jealously. Initially spirit was unsure of what it would mean to U/us and him, but when he realized that I wouldn’t make the decision to take on a new sub without him feeling comfortable with it, he relaxed and stated to look forwards to the experience. Perhaps he would find that he may have a sister in submission, someone to share his feelings with in a way only subbies can understand.

I started to look after Christmas for a suitable female who would be a good fit within My expectations. I received many inquires but one stood out to Me and I decided to follow up with her. To date, W/we have been talking online, learning about each other and whether things could work out within the situation I was presenting to her. I have had her complete a BDSM checklist, and many of the things she enjoys overlaps into what I could take pleasure in or have experienced. So far I have found her polite, attentive, sincere and keen to learn. W/we have decided to meet up next week for coffee, to see if the chemistry is the same in real time. I have named her L’il kiki and I hope that the promise of O/our conversations turns into many meaningful experiences for A/all of U/us.

Punishment beyond the Physical

2006-01-31T21:05:00.000-08:00

So many times in everyday life, when a submissives behavior is less than desirable, the topic of punishment arises between Mistresses. In My world, physical punishment is part of the ‘play’ with My submissive, something to derive enjoyment from for both of U/us. I have tried to show My displeasure in spirit’s behavior though physical means, however, I found it to have little effect on him which in turn, just frustrates Me more. Some subs like to push their Mistress’ (top from the bottom, so to speak) in order to receive the physical punishments they so crave. I find this conduct unacceptable but have also found Myself caught in the middle with this situation of what to do, and what will be effective. I have listed below are a few ideas that have worked on with spirit, and just perhaps may work for other Mistresses in there D/s relationships.

- Ignoring your sub but keeping him within your sight. Usually when a sub misbehaves it’s because they are seeking the wrong kind of attention (meaning negative attention) from their Mistress. This is such a waste of energy for both parties involved, and it doesn’t contribute to any lasting feelings of confidence in the relationship. By ignoring your sub, it sends the message that his bratty behavior will not be tolerated and should also make him realize that only consistent positive behavior will be rewarded.

- Kneeling in a corner. This is similar to ignoring the sub, with the reinforcement of throbbing knees to add to his time out. Even though this is somewhat physical, the difference is that the Mistress isn’t directly contributing to the pain, gravity is.

- Not allowing the sub to touch or serve you. If your sub has any sort of attachment to You, this can be pure torture to him. When spirit has misbehaved with Me, I have taken away this privilege, and limited his freedom this way. spirit is a very loving sub and I can see in his eyes how deeply this punishment affects him. I have found this method to be the most effective in O/our relationship in maintaining his devotion to Me as well as consistent constructive behavior.

- Not allowing the sub to be in the same room as you. When spirit has really tested & pushed Me too far, I took away his privilege of him sleeping in My bed. One time I had him sleep on the floor, naked with no blanket or pillow. This lasted only for ½ an hour, but My point was clearly taken.

- Not allowing the sub to speak for a specified time. Communication is one of the main ways a sub can receives his Mistresses attention, and when this is used as punishment, he soon understands how much of a limitation this can be. If the sub chooses to speak before the time alotment has expired, then additional 5 minute incrementstime of time is added to the overall length of silence. If the sub repeatedly ignores this, a gag ball works quite nicely.

I would hope that I would never have to use these methods with any sub. But without challenge, there is little learning. I believe this the overall goal for anyone in a D/s relationship…to learn and be able to take each O/other to the depths of their souls.

The Next Level

2006-01-22T21:09:00.000-08:00

Since early last fall spirit has repeatedly been asking Me when he was going to reach the next level in his submissiveness to Me. I find this a vexing question at best. I can only encourage spirit to be all he can in his submissiveness, give him structure to help him with daily duties but it is only within himself that he can attain the level that he hopes to achieve. It’s like the saying ‘when the student is ready, the teacher will come.’ Well the teacher and student are now together, it is up to the student to learn what is offered. There always comes a point where the student goes beyond what the teacher can teach, and this is when the next levels come into play. There is a shift that takes place within the submissive’s mind, so that his desire to serve isn’t something he has to think about…it is something that he just does joyfully.

One of the biggest obstacles in spirit’s way is his male ego. I am sure that it is something that every male submissive has to fight within himself on a regular basis. male ego contributes to his personal doubts, societal stereotypes that directs his behaviour and adds to any insecurity that he may have within himself. With spirit, it surfaces as what I call his ‘bratty mode’. When ‘the brat’ emerges, it is difficult to direct or reason with him…he becomes disrespectful, argumentative, questioning and testing of My authority. It is a sad situation to find O/ourselves in. It is as if My spirit is trapped behind a glass wall, watching and regretting all that ‘the brat’ doing but helpless against it. Eventually ‘the brat’ goes away, spirit returns and has to face the reality of what has just transpired. But I have come to realize that punishment after punishment will not help ‘the brat’ go away as this aspect of spirit thrives on that negative attention. So I have had to resort to new tactics. When I see ‘the brat’ emerging, I try to divert his attention to something more vanilla, since confronting it will resort to a power exchange which only makes the situation worse. I try to be more kind, more loving and to show ‘the brat’ that he has no place within O/our relationship. Is it working? Well, it’s a work in progress but I believe that I am helping spirit get a handle on his ego. I believe that once spirit truly accepts all of who his is, he will be able to control the negative parts of himself that cause so much grief within himself and O/our relationship. he has been working very hard on it, and even though there as some slips, I believe that he has achieved so positive results.

I have noticed within the last 2 months that he has been more attentive, more pro-active within the activities that we do. For example, not only will he make dinner for U/us but clear the dishes and tidy up the kitchen. he is mindful when W/we are out in the vanilla world, opening doors, carrying bags, being helpful in the little ways that are so important. This is a big step as I have not asked him to do this, he has done it all on his own. It doesn’t happen all the time, but it IS happening. This is where the shift is occurring, it is becoming instinctual for him. I find it gratifying and spirit feels happy and more confident in his role in O/our relationship as his insecurities start to evaporate. It brings U/us both to deeper levels of understanding & intimacy.

I found this gem on one of the groups that I belong to and found it fitting for this topic. I made spirit read it, and re-read it.

‘I agree to strive to overcome feelings of guilt or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with my capability to serve, and limit my growth as a submissive. To maintain honest and open communication and be treated with nothing but the same. To strive to reveal my thoughts, feelings, and desires without hesitation or embarrassment. To inform clearly, of wants and perceived needs, recognizing that the Mistress may choose to decide whether or how these shall be satisfied.’

With a few word shifts, this can be adapted to fit any area of his life. No one is a mind-reader…communication is the key. After all, being confident and accepting of who W/we are is the first step for O/others to be accepting of O/ourselves and O/our chosen lifestyle. spirit, I can safely say that you are on the cusp of the next level.

A New Year – a new beginning

2006-01-04T22:15:00.000-08:00

The best thing that I like about New Year’s Eve / Day is that it gives everyone a chance to be retrospective for a while - to learn from and forgive past mistakes and to begin again…a fresh start. To move forwards with quiet expectation of the adventures to come…this is what inspires Me.

I decided to give spirit a New Year’s Eve to remember. I told him to be waiting for Me in O/our living room nude except for his collar and in his greeting position at 7:30 that evening. Prior to that, he was told to wait in O/our spare bedroom, with the door closed so I could prepare O/our scene. I had incense burning, candles lit all over the room and around My throne chair which was placed in the center of it all, the place of pleasure. I was dressed in My black corset with matching panties, black fishnet stocking and boots, of course. All My toys were close at hand, ready to utilize if the need arose. I was going to let My instincts guide Me tonight.

spirit, ever obedient, was waiting for Me in his position as ordered. his eyes were wide with wonder & love…he was excited and nervous of what he might experience but his trust in Me is resolute. he knew he had nothing to fear. I had him crawl on his knees to My throne, an old-style burgundy velvet, wooden claw foot chair, and had him sit in it. he was reluctant as first but a few taps from My crop changed his mind quickly. I bound his ankles and hand cuffed his wrists behind the high back of the chair. Then he was bound with a 6’ link chain: around his legs, chest, arms & balls. he was very secure as the blind fold as placed upon his eyes. I left him like that for a few minutes, waiting quietly on the other side of the room to watch his reaction, how he struggled to try and get out of the bonds. he called out to Me, apprehension creeping into his voice, but I was closer at hand than he realized. I took a feather and slowly traced circles on his chest, torso, nipples, thighs, balls, and penis. He soon was responding quite nicely. Next, I begin gentle tappings of My crop on his exposed flesh. The strokes gradually became stronger while I sat on his legs, stroking My wetness on his thighs. his panting & yearning was becoming unmistakable. What an incredible feeling, to be able to take spirit deep into his sub-space. I teased him a bit, lifting his blindfold occasionally, as he begs Me to keep it from his eyes. I take pleasure in playing with his nipples. I have been increasing their sensitivity for the past few months. he has progressively become more tolerant of firmer pressure which is augmented tonight as I place clothes pins on them. I end up adding a few to his balls for good measure too. As I release the pressure from the cloths pins, I run the feather over his body, delicately touching those tender places as his passion erupts. Release without any touch to his penis, this is My glory. his submission to Me is complete…he is in his happy place, content in his service and love to Me.

I slowly, methodically, unbind him as he exhaustedly kneels in front of Me. I am now sitting in My throne. It is time for My worship and only oral service will do. I hold his head in place as I guide him to where his tongue needs to lick. he has been an eager student and has learned his lessons well. I am pleased.

Umm, it was a wonderful way to ring in the New Year, so full of promise of what is to come in O/our journey and exploration of D/s & BDSM.

“As thoughts flutter through My mind,
Like a butterfly in the breeze,
To whom, that I might find,
A man, and bring him to his knees”

Happy New Year to A/all!

A Helpful Thought for Your Journey

2005-12-18T21:09:00.000-08:00

A friend sent this to Me and I found it quite fitting for the journey that spirit and I are on. W/we are all deserving of living the life that W/we want.

"Your thoughts create your reality, so pay attention to any limited thinking. Learn to stop listening to those thoughts that tell you that you can't have what you want. You need to be observant to catch them when they come up, for you do not want them sliding by unnoticed. Is there something you are speaking of or thinking will be a struggle for you? Stop for a moment and imagine it working easily and well. What you picture is what you create, so picture the best outcome you can imagine."

from the book "Spiritual Growth - Being Your Higher Self...

Finding Focus

2005-11-24T21:24:00.000-08:00

Being in a D/s relationship can be challenging at times. There can be certain levels of expectations and responsibilities from both parties which may hinder the union without good communication, both verbal and non-verbal.

It is expected that the submissive willingly gives of themselves to their Mistress, to enthusiastically serve Her in whatever manner that is pleasing to Her. It is assumed that the submissive experiences great joy on many levels to serve in this capacity. Why else would they choose to be in this type of relationship?

But what happens when the submissive doesn’t feel that their needs are being taken care of, (after all, it is a consensual relationship), that they are being taken for granted or that not enough attention is shown to them? It has been My experience that spirit will unwittingly ‘top from the bottom’, become bratty and test My authority in O/our relationship even though O/our roles have been clearly defined from the beginning. When this happens it isn’t even consciously done half of the time. One thing that the submissive needs to realize is their consistency in the relationship. It is the submissive that has to be accountable for their own actions, whether it is in regards to their happiness or being disgruntled with the relationship, what degree of service that they have been committed to and have fallen back on or not being chaste when it is vital to their service level agreed upon. Their Mistress will help keep them in line, but ultimately it is up to the submissive to ‘do the work’ in their area or the relationship will weaken.

It is expected that the Mistress will have clearly defined guidelines of what type service is preferred by Her and how She will respond if the guidelines are disregarded. It is expected that a Mistress will ‘scene’ with Her submissive. In fact, many submissive’s feel that scenes are required in order for them to feel that they are being cared for in the relationship. It is assumed that the Mistress finds Her role extremely gratifing to be in this position. But what is the true responsibility of the Mistress?

I can only speak for Myself, but I feel that My responsibility is to love and care for spirit with a firm but kind hand. I have found that doing a scene helps the fluidity of O/our relationship. It is key for the Mistress to maintain Her consistency. I feel that a Mistress must regularly discipline Her sub in order to maintain T/their roles within T/their relationship. Does this mean that the Mistress has the right to abuse Her submissive for Her own pleasure? Absolutely NOT! It means that She needs to kindly redirect Her submissive’s psyche to maintain the sub’s focus on Herself if the submissive becomes too distracted by issues in the vanilla world or his own insecurities. By doing this, the Mistress helps the sub maintain a certain level of sub-space by keeping ‘top-space’ to a minimum while within the Mistress’ presence. I feel it also helps maintain T/their unique bond which is the basis of any D/s relationship.

Reply to whyguys

2005-11-08T21:01:00.000-08:00

This is a response to a comment that I received from My L'll Asha post.

Truly envious of l'il asha's training and blossoming at your hands, yet
also can understand those moments of rebellion when she desperately
fears the surrender of "manhood". As one who has spent most of my nearly
60 years on the planet having strong conflicting fear/fascination
responses to sex role-reversal, Female Supremacy, and feminization, I've
lived perhaps a generation too late to have had the kind of opportunities
that allowed spirit to become asha.

Still, I'm wondering on your part, how do you deal with her periods of
asserting or trying to revert to "masculine" identity. Also, as the
process of asha's feminization further develops, do you feel you may be
able to head off such unwanted behaviour merely by more openly exerting
force because the balance of power will so much more be seen to be
naturally yours as a matter of fact? Another question is, ideally how far
and complete would you enjoy seeing asha's feminine persona evolve, and
ultimately how extensive do you see this reversal of sexual roles as
becoming very prevalent in society in general? Would you like to see such
a fairly complete turnabout of sexual roles and behaviour?

Thank you for your wonderful comments. I hope that I can answer your thought provoking questions with as much eloquence as you stated them. I frequently have to deal with spirit trying to over take l'il asha's persona. It can be very frustrating at times as I try to encourage him to embrace l'll asha since truly, it is part of who he is. When spirit is trash talking asha, I usually try to be understanding of what he is saying but a slight reprimand for him isn't far behind as I point out l'll asha's good points and how exploring her persona will help him feel more complete. When that approach doesn't work, a good paddling helps too. I'm sure that you realize that spirit is a submissive from reading My blog and sometimes putting him back in sub space helps alleviate the tension of his struggle with accepting l'll asha. Everyone has aspects of themselves that they have to eventually accept, and spirit is no execption. With love, understanding, and My easy acceptance of l'll asha, hopefully this will make the transition for spirit easier. Also note that spirit has only acknowledged this side of himself within the last year. As time goes on, it will be easier for him to accept and way more fun to explore. I do hope that in the future, I will be able to go out in public with l'll asha, but only time will tell. spirit has told Me that is a hard limit for him, and at this time, I'll have to agree. But one can never tell what the future holds ;)

As far as sexual role reversal in general society, I don't know if it will completely ever become a female dominated society, even if that would be preference for Me. I believe there will always be male Doms and Female Dommes as there will always be male and female subs and people who fall in between. I would hope to see a more equalization happen between the sexes and that is slowly morphing into being. Who knows how far it will go, but I await with quiet expectation that females will be treated with the respect and opportunities they all deserve by the males in O/our society, regardless of Domme or sub perfernces.

Perhaps the beginning of Femdom?

2005-10-18T14:42:00.000-07:00

A cute story with an excellent moral!

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do? What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. Now....what is the moral to this story?

The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly!

A Multitude of Pleasures

2005-10-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks spirit has been extremely attentive to My needs which I find absolutely wonderful. There are always moments of brattiness but I have noticed a shift within spirit to do better, to be better and not only for Me but for himself too. Perhaps he has come to a certain level of acceptance of himself or is grateful for all the small delights in his life…I don’t know. But what I do know is that I am so very happy with My life and spirits part in it.

Let Me detail a few things that have shifted.

- spirit has decided to cook more often. And not just regular cooking, oh no, he’s pulling out the recipe books and making remarkable dishes that are flavorful and creative, with the first attempt of making it. It makes dinner a special time for U/us to share and gives Me more time to do other things important to Me, like working on My psychology course.

-spirit has become more attuned to My pampering needs and has taken direction in regards to skincare for l’il asha. spirit gives Me a little foot massage every night before I go to bed to help Me relax before I slept. he also was allowed to give Me a pedicure last week and completed the task with assured precision. Before when he was asked to complete this task, he was hesitant and only reluctantly performed it with less than desirable results. He has been allowed to draw a bath and wash Me, which was rendered in a gentle loving way. I was truly feeling worshiped, and like the queen he says I am. It is a wonderful way to make a more powerful bond with your sub. I gave l’il asha a facial with a cucumber peel-off mask. her skin felt silky & soft, which will help her with make-up application. W/we will soon be making this a weekly ritual.

- spirit is learning how to Latin dance. I love any dancing and I am fortunate that spirit enjoys it too. I always found he had a good sense of rhythm. W/we went to a salsa night last weekend at a local club and he eagerly wanted to learn how to Salsa properly. W/we were fortunately to have a dance lesson that evening before the place got hopping. However, spirit felt it wasn’t enough of a lesson and wants to learn how to not only do it properly, but how to move with Me, so that I will be pleased with him. So since I know how to Salsa and a few other moves, last night was lesson #1. his eagerness is such a turn on and well, I love too teach, (sorta goes with the territory, don’t you think?) It will take a bit more practice but I know within a short time, W/we will be tearing up the dance floors with the sensuous spins and dips of Latin dancing. In My mind, it’s the closest thing to making love in public.

Now, many may be thinking that all this sounds very vanilla and on the surface, yes, that may be true. However, W/we live in a 24/7 D/s relationship and let Me tell you, being involved with this lifestyle has a lot more to do with your mindset than in the clothing you wear. Don’t get Me wrong, I love doing scenes, dressing up with spirit and l’il asha, but that aspect is only a part of the lifestyle. When you live & breathe it, it takes on a whole different dimension, it’s part of who you are. In some ways, it’s like living the tantric life.

A rare glimpse of l'il asha

2005-09-21T14:40:00.000-07:00

The past few days l’il asha and I have been doing some serious clothes shopping for her. We went to the local thrift store and picked her up some black, patent leather, closed toe sling back shoes, a silky, black bra, a couple of wigs (a short blond and a long brown one) and a French maid outfit (they had one since Halloween is around the corner). A good friend of mine who had an ex-X-dressing boyfriend also contributed to l’il asha’s wardrobe in the last few months. She recently gave asha some make-up, an electric shaver and some x-dressing material for her to read up on. Her toy chest is now complete and the fun will soon begin.

A few weeks back W/we had a make-up application session which will have to be re-taught once again since l’il asha has forgotten some of the basics. In the mean time, I’ve been teaching her how to strut in her new shoes, how to sit like a proper lady and certain mannerisms in suitable feminine behaviour. My, my, but she is a quick study and is progressing along quite nicely.

I always have a grand time when L’il Asha is around but unfortunately that isn’t as often as I would like. she is a shy girl and spirit seems a bit embarrassed by her wanton ways. spirit tries to keep her hidden and discourages her to come out & play…something that I have been working on with him. spirit will say things like, "I hate asha, I’ve killed her, asha is no more" which makes Me slowly whither inside. asha is part of who spirit is and the more that he tries to fight her, the less accepting of himself he will be. I encourage and support spirit to be all of who he is, including asha when she timidly emerges.

But it was not I that instilled l’il asha into spirit’s being. she has always been there, part of spirit. her first uneasy appearance was when he was in his teens. Self imposed repression soon became the norm for spirit to the point he that he was loosing his own sense of self. he was always a sub but soon he became submissive in a negative ways, which impacted how he related to others and the world in general. It’s a terrible thing to be imprisoned in your own mind. Certain choices he made eventually lead him to Me, someone who loved him and gave him permission to he himself. How I long to see that flower bloom completely. It is a long road, but W/we are making progress, growing side by side, gradually becoming the people W/we are meant to be. The challenges ahead are the stepping stones of O/our future. I lovingly look towards them with a glint in My eye and smile on My lips.

The Power of Touch

2005-08-31T15:18:00.000-07:00

When I had first decided to keep spirit and collar him, he was quite unresponsive to My touch much to his and My dismay. Initially I took it as a personal affront, his unresponsiveness was somehow due to My lack of ability as a Mistress. he stated to Me many times that this was not the case, that there wasn’t any question with Me as a Mistress and he couldn’t understand why his body was acting that way. When the mind is willing, the body doesn’t always follow. I soon realized that the issue was his lack of training in real physical erotic experience, (he had plenty of mental already). It was time to start to explore the power of touch.

So very slowly did I start to train him in mild scenes. Nails lightly scratching against flesh on his buttocks, feathery caresses along the torso, soft pinching on his nipples…slowly bringing up the sensitivity to these areas of skin. Within a span of a few weeks, his responsiveness increased dramatically. I have him trained now, to the point that I can play and tease with his nipples alone and I can make him cum. Now that is the ultimate in the power of touch to Me. With a mer touch, spirit can anticipate what will come and will shiver with responsiveness to Me. As I have found out, discipline and control doesn’t always has to come in the form of punishment.

Anniversary

2005-08-24T14:34:00.000-07:00

As of August 22, it has been 1 year since spirit and I have been together. My oh my, how the time flies. But I have to admit, even though W/we have had O/our issues, this last year has been the best yet in My life. The freedom I have found by living within a D/s lifestyle has been so thoroughly refreshing. I also know that spirit has found himself more this last year that any other year that he has been on this earth. The greatest realization though is that W/we have only just begun this journey…there are so many more avenues to explore, leaves to turn over. I feel like I’m constantly being re-born on a regular basis, looking at the world with fresh eyes. Many people fail to realize that being in a D/s relationship is so much more than the sexualized fantasies that are in abundance on the internet, in stories or photos. A big part of D/s to Me is the unconditional love and support that a sub can give his Mistress. spirit has shown Me plenty of that unconditional love this last year, even at times when I felt I was completely undeserving of it. What a gift he is in My life. I cherish the times when L’il Asha shyly emerges and treasure the boundless energy spirit has to share with Me. It has been a grand adventure so far and I affectionately look forwards to another extraordinary year of discovery within the realm of D/s.

Sprite-space & how troublesome it can be at times

2005-08-09T20:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday everything was going along fine with spirit and I but in the early evening I felt a shift happen. Actually it had been slowly happening for a while now, but came to a climax yesterday. I felt spirit slip into sprite-space and what a hurtful space that can be for a D/s couple.

I read a well written article about the different levels of sub-space and I want to relay the key points here before I get into what happened. The first level is ‘top space’ where a sub normally functions while dealing with the vanilla world and regular relationships. Subs can be dominant within this area to get things done that need to be done in their day to day routines. The next is ‘marginally down space’. This is an area where by a look or touch from his Mistress, a sub goes into eager preparation, waiting for direction or command from their Mistress. A Mistress can leave their sub in that area for any length of time but if She does not continue the stimulus he will return to top-space as soon as She stops. The next level is sprite-space. Some consider this a playful level but it usually turns out to be a testing / brat stage that can turn hurtful if the sub lingers there too long. It is up to the Mistress to read the signs clearly here and help the sub move to another level. The next level is ‘blond-space’ whereas the sub’s ability to think clearly has diminished and is bodily responding to external stimulus. Some subs feel that it like being outside of the body and watching a show of themselves. The final level is ‘primal-space’ where when a sub is taken their properly, he can fly. spirit was flying in sprite-space last night.

I do not mind being tested from time to time. My varied responses to spirit’s testing usually reinforces O/our roles in O/our relationship. However, problematic sprite-space can come on at any time, especially if a sub is stressed or in need of attention, and it come with the force of a hurricane. Being a Mistress doesn’t mean that I am fearless or forceful 24/7. I am human first, Mistress second and a person who has feelings just as the next. Many might think that by stating this that it makes weak but I feel it makes Me stronger as a person to admit it. Beware of those who claim otherwise!

spirit knew he crossed the line when I became unresponsive towards him. I know he can be bratty but this time it was out of the blue and I was completely undeserving of the remarks. he apologized profusely afterwards but it had lost it’s meaning to Me. All I had tried to instill in him, all that I had accepted within him and O/our relationship seemed to be a big joke to him and even if that isn’t how he was trying to express it, that is exactly how it came across. I could choose many ways to discipline him, flog him, mark him, bind him and leave, but in the end I knew that none of these work in the long run. he has to want to submit to Me. It is not a game for Me to play hide & seek with his desires. In the end I choose to deny him Me being a Mistress to him for a week, something he was taken aback with. he felt that denying him this, I was denying his submissive part of who he was, thus not caring for him. But as I pointed out to him, the moment he chose to disrespect Me and behave towards Me in such a manner, his submissive part had already been denied to Me. his submissive side did come back quickly, but I’m not feeling inclined to acknowledge it for a while. I still feel a bit raw with the whole situation and time will help to set things straight between U/us.

When I came home today, I requested his presence so W/we could discuss what went down last night. I must point out here, this is the first morning that I did not have to wake him up to help Me with kitchen duties and the house was cleaned, and I mean every room was cleaned properly. Just from those things, I knew how much he was regretting what happened the evening before and how he was hurting. W/we have now discussed issues that brought about the unfortunate event, worked it through tears and hugs, and have decided to put it behind U/us for now. Does that mean I will let him off the hook? Hell no, it will take a bit of time to get back to level W/we were at before this episode and perhaps more than a few discipline sessions. But I do believe in U/us and what W/we share. I know in the long run that all these lessons W/we are learning will make U/us stronger together than before.

A weekend of shared delights

2005-08-04T15:46:00.000-07:00

This last weekend spirit and I wanted to spend sometime at the beach but instead became diverted with shopping. Well shopping and the fact that it clouded over making going to the beach a bit useless. W/we found a pair of leather pants for spirit that looks so sexy on him. he thought that they were too tight but I think they are tight where they are meant to be and properly fitted everywhere else. his little butt looks so yummy in them. The best thing is that W/we can now go out to the local Fet night since Fet attire is strictly adhered to. So I wanted to go check out the club that it’s held at, Club 23, just to see how it was before W/we would go to the Fet night. This weekend hosted Pride Parade here and the club was celebrating Pride with ‘Lesbians on the Loose’ night. W/we still decided to check out the club and it turned out to be a really great time. I found it quite amusing that spirit was the one getting hit on by a gay man instead of Me being hit on by the women. Overall it had a relaxed, fun atmosphere with great dance tunes. W/we are looking forwards to attending the upcoming Fet night on Aug 13th.

W/we checked out the Pride Parade on Sunday. It was the first one that spirit had attended and I think it was rather therapeutic and fun for him to view. I made a few comments about how perhaps L’il asha might like to make an appearance for the next parade. Who knows, perhaps by next year she will overcome her shyness and join in the fun. Pride is not just about gays anymore even though that is the main focus. It’s all about alternative lifestyles with trans-gendered people and groups from the local BDSM community making their presence known. The main theme is about acceptance of all members of the community, vanilla, bi-sexual or other. It was a fantastic time. Later that day W/we went to Splashdown park and got O/our pants wet, lol. I just love waterslides and I’m happy that spirit enjoys they just as much as I do.

A foot note for the weekend, W/we had a few scenes and they were so wonderful. W/we felt a new deepened level of contentment that W/we haven’t experienced before. I felt positively delicious the whole time. spirit is a yummy treat that just keeps on giving. Love & licks to you, sweetness.

A few of My favourite things....

2005-07-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday I was having a lazy morning in bed, feeling happy and a bit silly with the pleasure of waking up to spirit every morning. For some reason a song from the movie "Sound of Music" came to mind..."These are a few of My favorite things" and I started to improvise on it in a BDSM way. Below is what I came up with:

Lipstick and nylons and long silky sashes
Hand cuffs and gag balls and 20 swift lashes
Latex and leather and stretchy cock rings
These are a few of My favourite things...

Corsets and thigh boots and hot wax for dripping
Butt plugs and KY and humblers for gripping
Dildos and tatoos and multiple piercings
These are a few of My favorite things...

When the whip cracks
When the paddle smacks
When My sub is tied down low
he thinks of a few of O/our favourite things
and he can let go..........

Somehow I think Julie Andrews wouldn't approve but spiirt is definately looking forwards to O/our next session. What do you think???

A day in the life of….

2005-07-27T17:05:00.000-07:00

As I get up in the morning & rush around the place getting ready for work, spirit is up and making coffee, My lunch & breakfast for Me. It is a routine that W/we have developed since spirit isn’t working at the moment. I'm sure it will change in the future but for now this works well for U/us. W/we share a few moments during breakfast before I head off to work, sometimes watching TV or having him by My feet as I eat breakfast. The later is usually when he has displeased Me the evening before and is trying to make up for it. It amazes Me how late night brattiness can turn into deep submission in the morning. I wonder at times if it is because he knows that punishment is in his near future that he shows this small act of mercy towards Me. I have given him a mercy position to use but he rarely chooses to use it since I don’t relent much when he does use it. Perhaps if he choose to practice it more, I would be more lenient **hint to you spirit**

he has the official title of boywife and has a daily list of duties to complete to please Me. Sometime he finishes them in a timely manner, sometimes not. I find it a challenge to keep his training on-going when I feel that he should of learned some of his tasks completely but has not. It is always a process…I might not always understand how he assimilates information but in the end, he does get it. I always love him for who he is and sometime trying your best can be just as good.

During the day while I am at work, he’s at home, completing his duties and spending time on the computer, which some Mistress’ disapprove of. I allow him free reign, as I do trust him and he also willingly emails Me achieves of all conversations he has with other Mistress’. When I come home from work, spirit or L’il asha is waiting for Me in the greeting position with collar in hand.

I love the fact that spirit is finally allowing himself to explore who L’il asha is and all the fun W/we can have together. I am happy that L’il asha is becoming more comfortable with Me and showing herself more & more in O/our daily lives. It keeps things exciting and fresh between U/us.

I requested L'il asha to greet Me when I came home the other day. she looked as lushious as ever and had even put on a bit of make up for Me. I found the attempt mildly erotic and approved her efforts. she's a smarty-pants as that earned her a loving session. I had her assume her play position as I readied the toys that W/we were going to play with that day. I'm happy to see that L'il asha's tollerence of the crop has increased dramatically, not only does she enjoy it so, but eagerly asks for more. When she was highly aroused, I inserted her plug and slowly stroked her until she came. The way she moans and shakes is such an incredible turn on that I had her give Me oral until I released also. Cuddling is a big part of 'after play' in any session with L'il asha since after her release spirit starts to emerge and becomes embarrased and shy. I'm slowly training spirit to know that the transformation is a wonderful thing. They are one and both who make up the complete person, who I care and love so much. his acceptance is slow but emerging. I'm so grateful that I can be part of such a wonderful D/s relationship as is spirit & L'il asha.

A question of Balance

2005-07-12T12:31:00.000-07:00

Balance…a concept that brings to mind a myriad of images: a gymnast on a beam, a scale with equal weights, work vs. play or good vs. evil. Balance is required in O/our daily lives in order to have good health or satisfying relationships. It is a key essential in any relationship but especially important within a D/s relationship. If balance isn’t achieved then it’s pretty much guaranteed that the relationship isn’t going to last. As cliché as it sounds, it is a fine line - one that gets crossed occasionally from both parties. How many times have you heard of ‘topping from the bottom’ in regards to subs? How many times do you hear about Mistress’ being excessively demanding with little regard for Her sub/s? When is too much, too much?

I have recently read posts in some of the various groups that I belong to in regards to this. Within a D/s relationship, ultimately the Mistress has the final say in whatever choice is to be decided. But I find in My relationship that having input from spirit is important to Me so I can make sound decisions in whatever needs to be decided on. It makes for strong relationship. I feel that it is a Mistress’ responsibility to do what is best for the couple, not just what is best for Herself and vis-a-versa.

D/s relationships are consensual. The dominance that a sub look towards in their Mistress, and not just in a sexual sense, makes the bottoms gift of submission that much more intense than any vanilla relationship. Once that balance is tipped one way or the other, resentment and disagreement build until there is very little to base the relationship on. Where does the D/s stop within a 24/7 relationship and the vanilla aspects intrude?

W/we all live in a vanilla world and there are responsibilities within that realm that must take precedence regardless of O/our emotional & physical ties to D/s. Unless you are a Pro-Domme, most people’s work are pretty vanilla. Is it fair for a Mistress to ask her sub to changes careers because it doesn’t fit what she believes in, regardless of the income level? Is quantity vs. quality of D/s playtime worth financial hardships that is may cause some subs or their families? These are hard questions that must be addressed before the D/s relationship develops to any deep level. A sub in one of the groups is facing this very situation and I truly feel for him. he must provide for his Mistress and their family, which he does quite nicely, but the sacrifice is time away from them. If he chooses to change career paths there will be a large financial decrease and his ability to provide will be diminished. I feel that for him this is a no win situation with whatever he decides to do and what a tragedy that is.

I know that within My relationship with spirit, W/we are loving, open and sensitive to each other’s feelings and concerns. I respect spirit as a person, and as My sub I would never do anything to compromise the trust that he has placed in Me to manage O/our lives together. Sometimes the responsibility is overwhelming but with understanding each other’s motivations and O/our mutual goals of making this relationship work, I have the sense that O/our scales are perfectly balanced. I know that W/we will both work hard to maintain that balance too. Love to you spirit.

Make-up lesson

2005-07-05T14:20:00.000-07:00

I requested L’il Asha to greet Me when I came home from work the other day. I had her dress up in her black skirt, a little black T-shirt with Piceses sign on it in blue sequins, bra (boobies) thong and her high-heeled black sandals or course. she was waiting in her greeting position with collar in hand in gentle anticipation. she knew that I had a surprise for her when I got home. It turned out to be a makeup lesson for L’il Asha. If you are going to be a true sissy, make-up is essential to complete your look. I had her go to the bathroom with Me and instead of putting the make-up on her Myself, I had her follow My instructions. I figured that way it would make more of an impression upon her mind and be easier for her to apply next time. I had her put on conceallor stick to brighten up under her eyes and outline the lower lids in black pencil. Then a lovely and oh so feminine pink eye shadow on the top lids with a chocolate brown contour line for that smoldering, sexy look, topped off with a champagne glittery powder under the brows. her look was completed with a bit of pink lip-gloss and some matte powder. In no time, L’il Asha was looking as glamorous as a movie star. I was amazed at how sexy she looked, (and I think so was she). When I took her first kiss after she applied her lip-gloss, her slippery, sexy lips put Me over the edge. A session was brewing here! she had pleased Me so immensely with her shy willingness to learn make-up application that I had to reward her.

L’il Asha loves having her butt played with so first & foremost, I had her expose herself to Me by raising her skirt and going on the bed on her hands & knees. I could see was excited as much as I was. Then with some caressing and teasing I had her plugged up and ready for her spanking. she loves that so much too…I had her thanking Me and begging Me for more. In the end she was rewarded with a mind-blowing cum. As W/we cuddled after our session, she thanked Me for helping her explore her sissy side and for loving her as much as I do. I explained that I love her as well as spirit very much and look forwards to explore all of who they are. I’m thinking wig shopping is next on the agenda…

The birth of L'il Asha

2005-06-13T11:51:00.000-07:00

Over the last month or so I have been exploring the realm of x-dressing with spirit. W/we had discussed this area many times and even though spirit wanted to delve into it, he was hesitant because of his own insecurities around it. he felt that x-dressing somehow took away from who he was. I always found this train of thought of his interesting. If he is a submissive, into BDSM and was ok with that why would this be an area of concern? W/we can play dress-up but it will never take away from the man he is or how I feel about him. Now it is true that many other men and some women too, who are not into the lifestyle would judge and I’m sure this is part of his insecurity. But W/we are starting off slowly, in private with no one to judge or humiliate which is bringing out this new side of spirit.

I first noticed this side of spirit when I first met him when W/we were in a scene and he was submerged in sub-space. he would prance around, making feminine movements subconsciously which I found highly entertaining & arousing. When I would ask him about how he was feeling at that time, he would always down play what I was observing, to the point of saying that he said it was a limit of his. But when you get to know someone well, you start to understand the motivations behind many actions and I sensed that there was a part of spirit that he had trapped away and hidden from himself which only came out in subspace. I decided it was high time to slightly push that limit.

It was also helpful for Me to have a girlfriend of Mine who had a partner who x-dressed before. Due to medical reasons he is no longer with U/us but My friend retained all of his fem accessories. Over the last few months She has given Me countless items that I have passed on spirit. I have had spirit dress up partially to be My girly-man on occasion but have finally enough for him to dress up in full ensemble, from the thong underwear, black strapy shoes, shirt, bra & boobies too. I must say that with the full look, spirit was looking not only sexy but also not so much like spirit. So I have created a new name for spirit while he is in x-dress mode. It was the birth of L’il Asha, so sweet and sexy, willing to do anything her Mistress.

When I came home last Thursday, I asked spirit for L’il Asha to greet Me in her sexy shoes, underwear, bra and one of My sweaters that she could choose that she thought would please Me. I also asked her to wear some blush on her cheeks to look ever so pretty for Me. I came home and she was in her greeting position, looking gorgeous and a bit shy too. she likes to come out & play but feels insecure about My feelings for her. I reassured her that I love her just as much as spirit and nothing could every change that. This reassured her and made her feel a bit more confident with who she was becoming. I decided to reward her with a play scene. “Come l’il asha, you are rewarded with a cum”. During the scene I continually reinforced asha’s new presence, saying things like, “how are you feeling asha, My little one, asha loves Mistress’ attention doesn’t she” etc…you get the picture. And asha did love it…as she slipped deep in to sub-space, deeper than she had ever gone before she felt comfortable and accepted that this fem-persona was part of spirit and was here to stay. Welcome l’il asha…I foresee many pleasant experiences for U/us all in the future.

What's Your Magic Power?

2005-06-10T11:48:00.000-07:00

You have the Power of Flight!

What's Your Magic Power?
brought to you by Quizilla

Traveling with spirit

2005-05-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

spirit & I went away to the Island a couple of weekend ago. I used to live there but he is fairly new to the region and had never been there to visit. It was great time playing tour guide and showing spirit all the Island’s hidden treasures.

Being in a D/s relationship can be challenging when you are out of your regular environment. I had spirit wear his bonding necklace that I made for him that lays next to his skin as a constant reminder of who he belongs to and so he doesn’t forget his place with Me while W/we are in public. W/we have been together long enough for him to know that certain signals - a glance or hand movement means I require him to do something for Me. I find this works well so he can serve Me in a consistent capacity without outside observers noticing. W/we were fortunate to be traveling with a very good friend of Mine who knows about O/our special relationship and accepts it without judgement. It made spirit much more comfortable with PDA and service towards Me. It was also a test for spirit too. W/we would be spending a lot of time with women only and I was curious to see how he would react in that situation. Some subs only show respect for their Mistress and become quite bratty when dealing with other Women. With spirit, he believes in Female Supremacy with the notion of showing reverence for all Women. It was a pleasure to watch spirit rise to the occasion and help out other Woman throughout the weekend in any way possible he could. It made Me feel proud that the training he was leaning was taking hold and becoming second nature for him. Of course people just thought he was charming but I knew better.

spirit even shone more the next weekend when W/we went on a camping trip with a bunch of friends…some who know about O/our D/s connection, some who suspect and some who are clueless. It was a good time even if it was a bit wet that weekend. spirit was always helpful, full of humor and up for whatever adventure W/we could come up with. W/we went on a small hike to a waterfall, down to the lake and off to the local hot springs to warm up a bit half way through the weekend.

Overall it was a good experience for both of U/us. I look forwards to taking off on O/our next adventure, perhaps camping again or a road trip to the interior.

The Mythical Domme-Drop

2005-05-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

A few Sunday’s ago I did a scene with spirit. spirit had been misbehaving staying up late on the computer role-playing. I don’t mind that he role-plays but what I do mind is not being aware of when he is doing it cause he gets so wrapped up in his fantasy world that he forgets himself in real time and his duties to Me. he is supposed to be chaste for Me but he forgets himself while role-playing and plays with himself. he always regrets this but still finds that he can’t resist. I knew right away that something was up when he came to bed late that evening. What upset Me the most was that I had to drag it out of him, what he had been up to instead of him just telling Me what had been done. When he doesn’t tell Me the truth straight up when I ask him, it just sends Me to the moon…I was so angry. But it wasn’t the time for punishment yet…that had to wait until I was in a calmer frame of mind and him in a more respectful headspace, hence the scene on that Sunday.

Any Mistress can tell you that not every scene is exactly the same. Each one has different depth & different reasons as to why it is performed, whether it’s a play or punishment scene. And certain things, like miscommunication, can make a scene go terribly wrong in a blink of an eye. I felt that I had to do a punishment scene for spirit as I didn’t want bratty behaviour to wreck havoc in O/our relationship. However, I didn’t have My heart in it & the timing was off. I did it cause I felt an unseen obligation as a Domme to do it or spirit would of taken advantage of Me and My control would be diminished, topping from the bottom, so to speak. But in doing so I broke a cardinal rule of Domination. Instead of enjoying My role as a Domme, I was feeling pushed by it, creating a scene that wasn’t good for spirit or Me. he could feel the difference while the flogger was striking his bottom. I wasn’t flogging with love for him but with indifference and it’s totally changed everything in the scene for Me...took the meaning out of it. I also felt that I had pushed spirit’s limits too much which goes against how I feel about being a Gentle Mistress. There is a term called sub-drop when a sub experiences a bad scene or has been pushed too far. I have also heard of this mythical Domme-drop but never thought that I would experience it Myself which is exactly what happened. Everyone has insecurities, top or bottom. Being in a D/s relationship all about discovering who you are and exploring that to the fullest. I guess it also means discovering what doesn’t work too. spirit knew that something was wrong but didn’t know how to address it. I didn’t want to talk about it, being embarrassed by My feelings and loss of control. In the end W/we worked it out through lots of tears and with deep emotional healing for some of the insecurities that W/we both carry which inevitably brought U/us closer together. spirit is a dear heart who can fully let Me be who I am without feeling compromised as an individual, something I am truly grateful for.

Tie me Up / Tie me down

2005-05-16T17:59:00.000-07:00

Here is an interesting write-up that I found in a group that I belong to

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/PainManagement/story?id=708687&page=1

I hope everyone enjoys it.

Baby's got new shoes

2005-05-02T12:01:00.000-07:00

A few months ago spirit disclosed to Me, somewhat embarrassed & shyly that he had explored cross-dressing a bit when he was a teenager. However, he confessed that he didn’t go too deeply into it at that time or since then, as he was quite uncomfortable with the feelings that it brought out in him. He didn’t feel that he was overly macho but he also didn’t feel like a sissy girl either and as a result, tried to suppress his feminine side since he discovered it. My first thought was ‘how tragic’. This is part of who he is and he’s put it aside, embarrassed by what it represents or what he think it represents. I feel that exploring every part of yourself & accepting who you are leads to a healthy sense of self worth. No one is ever only one aspect of himself or Herself all the time. W/we are all fluid personalities that change on a regular basis to adapt to whatever situation that W/we find O/ourselves placed in.

I was the first person that spirit confided to that he had these feelings. he trusts Me and knows that I will I not judge but accept him as I always have. To Me this brings a whole new element to O/our D/s relationship and what W/we will be able explore. I find it interesting that he has come to terms with his submissive nature but has a difficult time accepting the cross-dressing side of himself. I always say to him that I love him for all he is and what he represents to Me…My sub, My slave, My friend, My lover, My mate. As I have said many times before, he completes Me. How fortunate for him that he found Me and that I am such an open person. I will try to work with him to accept himself as I accept him and to know that it is ok to be all of who he is.

Since spirit told Me of his feelings, I decided right away to help open him up to them. I have a PCV skirt that I officially gave to him and have a couple of others that he is allowed play with when the urge comes upon him. he has also tried on some of My cloths when I have been at work, which he sheepishly admitted to. Well this weekend I decided to take it up a notch. W/we went to a local thrift store and searched around for clothes for him to dress up in. W/we didn’t find much but W/we did find a new pair of size 10, Sam & Libby black strappy sandals. W/we didn’t try them on at the store but I knew that they would fit and bought them. When W/we arrived home, I ordered him to go to the bedroom, put on his black PCV skirt & his new shoes. As he approached me, shyly & reserved, I placed his collar around his neck and he was set for the night. I had him serve Me like that, prance around and get used to wearing the shoes. It was also a lesson for him as to what Women go through to look good so he can have a different perspective and new respect for Us. I thought he looked very sexy in his shoes…gosh he has great legs! spirit was obviously enjoying himself too as I noticed a slight tent start to form in his skirt. W/we will have to do something about that to keep it down if W/we ever decided to go out when he’s dress up, something that I will be slowly encouraging him to do. I want him to become comfortable with himself when he is dressed in woman’s clothing. There are plenty of men out there that have this fetish and there is totally nothing to be embarrassed about. Imitation is the best form of flattery, I say. I can think of no better way for a sub to show his reverence to females than by trying to imitate or be them.

Attitude adjustment

2005-04-28T15:18:00.000-07:00

Spirit is a wonderful sub, but I have noticed a shift in his attitude lately. I know that part of the reason is that he is feeling badly in regards to his employment situation, he’s not working at the moment. his last employer was jerking him around and taking advantage of him so I am happy that he doesn’t have to deal with that situation anymore. I also think he is missing going to university as he didn’t attend this semester. But it was good that he didn’t go this semester as the faculty was on strike for a good portion of it and his studies would of suffered, not to mention that it would have been a complete waste of money. So spirit is now officially My ‘boy-wife’ but this has left him alone with a lot of free time on his hands. Because I work full time, I haven’t been able to give him the proper training or direction he needs to fulfil his position of ‘boy-wife’. However, I do expect him to know how some of the things work around the house by now. To his defense I must say that he has been busy on the computer working on My website which does take plenty of time, so it’s not like he is just sitting around doing nothing. But sometimes the computer can become all consuming with him at My expense. We have had a few sessions and discussions around this but it still seems to be a sore spot in O/our relationship. W/we discussed the computer issue just this past Saturday morning. he was quite upset with My concerns, to the point that he unconsciously took off the bond necklace that I made & gave him to wear in public when isn’t wearing his collar. he is only allowed to take it off when he showers. I was upset that he was taking things so lightly. I knew that something would have to be done soon. spirit also told Me that he has been talking with a female sub online who seems to Me has a very bratty attitude & relationship with her Mistress from what he has told Me. spirit has no restrictions with who he chats with but I do not need him to be influenced by this other subs bad behaviour. they had been collaborating on how to ‘top from the bottom’ with simple things first, like taking over the white board in the kitchen. And even though this doesn’t seem like a big thing to be concerned about, little things can turn into big things rather quickly and get out-of-hand. I do not feel the need for spirit to develop any sort of habitual bratty-ness or for Me to have to keep dealing with it. It’s too exhausting and totally unnecessary.

The message on the white board from spirit was ‘subbies rule!’ Whereas I corrected it to say ‘subbies learn the rules.’ My rules are pretty simple. One of those rules is not to show disrespect to anyone even if it is done in a light-hearted manner. No one benefits when someone is making fun of another in a negative way. Another rule - if you see a mess, clean it up. When I came home on Tuesday afternoon, I found the place to be quite untidy, no dinner made and a scattered spirit looming around the apartment. Needless to say, I was not impressed. But I must say that I have also been stressing with other issues in My life which added to the angst I was feeling when I came home. I love spirit very much, but sometimes I am much too lenient with him and I need to re-set the rules from time to time. Punishment earned – this is what spirit has accomplished whether he realized it or not and not the mild punishments of the past - this was something that was far more serious even though it came about in an unintentional way.

I decided early that evening, when he was feeling he that ‘got away’ with his behaviour that it was time to set the record straight. I told him to get into the bedroom naked except for his collar and to wait for Me in his punishment position. I made him wait a good 5-10 minutes so he could try to think about what was going to happen. I used the crop to build up his tolerance first, placing firm spanks on each side of his bottom. I asked him, ‘Who Owns you? Who do you love & cherish above anyone else? Do you know why I am displeased with you? He answered that he wasn’t sure why. So I told him in exact terms exactly what earned him this punishment. I moved on to My flogger next to deliver the more powerful blows. I knew I was pushing his limits while he whimpered and tried to protect his exposed balls from the flogger with one backward hand. It was the first time I used this much force on him. Initially he was highly aroused but when he sensed that this session was different, a true punishment, he lost his hardness quickly. I kept asking him, ‘What is your safe word. I’m going to continue until you shout your safe word.’ which I did until I heard it. W/we were both emotionally spent by that time. I know that punishment is necessary to achieve the desired results I require from a sub, but it hurts Me in many ways as much as the sub as I am not a cruel Mistress and would much rather give erotic punishment.
I put away the flogger and gathered up a spent spirit into My arms to comfort him and to explain further why this punishment needed to be done. He was in deep sub-space and only a gentle touch would bring him back. I held him as a multitude of emotions flooded through him. Tears wetted My shoulder where his head lay. he knew that things had been sliding with his attitude and he was deeply disappointed with himself. With his release came a new understanding…he knows clearly what is expected just as I know I need to show more guidance to him. It was a powerful experience that will not be forgotten any time soon.

Intimate readings

2005-04-19T11:17:00.000-07:00

On Sunday W/we had a wonderful, loving scene that included reading and worship. After a long, stressful week spirit could see that some foot worship was in order to help Me relax. I have a throne chair at home where I stationed Myself as I waited for spirit to ready the implements of his worship: a foot basin filled with warm water, soft towels, a foot pumice, light floral scented soap, massage oil & nail polish. spirit was only wearing his girlie thong underwear that I had given him and his collar, just the way I like to have him dressed in any scene. As I sat there in dark green teddy, I had a book in My hands that I wanted to read to spirit while he worked on My pedicure. It’s a called “The Maerlande Chronicles” by Élisabeth Vonarburg, a great Canadian SF writer translated from French to English. It's a fantastic book based on female supremacy with a bit of matriarchy thrown in for good measure. I had lent the book to spirit to read for himself, however some of the terminology was a bit advanced for him and was having a difficult time understanding it. I would like to point out that spirit's native tongue in NOT English even though he is fluent in speaking it now which is why this book was a difficult read for him. So as a treat I wanted to read it to him and explain the concepts when he had any questions about the content. As he started My foot bath, I quietly read to him, as he periodically interrupted with well thought out questions. I can honestly say that I find reading to someone else very intimate even more so in some ways than an erotic session. It also brings out a multitude of teacher/student feelings. I feel that it is a very loving way to spend time with anyone. To have spirit at My feet, giving Me a pedicure while showing anticipated interest in the story. W/we were only able to get through a few chapters but that was fine..contentment was felt by both of U/us.

When I finished reading, as spirit finished painting My toes he started to give Me a leg rub working up to My sacred spot. I was feeling so wonderful, sensual, erotic so I decided it was high time for some oral worship & spirit eagerly got to business. It was such a nice visual...spirit on hands & knees, licking & sucking as I had My legs wrapped around his torso, feet gently resting on his back. spirit loves to worship Me this way but I didn't realize how much so. As I was approaching climax moaning with delight, spirit was moaning also and W/we actually came at the same time. I couldn't believe it as he wasn't touching himself at all. His hands were busy supporting his body weight while he was on all fours. It just goes to show you how the brain is the largest sexual organ and how with the proper training, you can make a sub truly your own. I look forwards to O/our next reading.

Sunday Scene

2005-04-12T18:33:00.000-07:00

A couple of Sunday’s ago, I did a scene with spirit. I was feeling very frisky and was in the mood to try something that spirit & I had been training for in the last few months. I instructed spirit to wait for Me in his punishment position in O/our bedroom after he removed his clothes. I love seeing him in nothing but his collar. I put My hair up in haphazard pig tails, puffed out in a wild & sexy way. I had nothing on except the black strap on that I had purchased a few months ago. I have been training spirit with a butt plug, letting him get used to the feeling of the plug filling him up, so he can work up to take the 6” dong. he wasn’t sure what to expect this time but when he saw Me standing over him, flogger in had with the black strap-on, the excitement in his eyes grew.

I started with light flogging, working up to a medium stroke so I could take a few items off of his punishment list. I kept rubbing his bottom with the dong, making him feel it, knowing that I wouldn’t be long before I felt ready to take him. To get him prepared, I knelt on the bed beside his head and had him suck it, deep throat it, totally pushing him over the edge in his sub-space. he was putty in My hands, eager & willing to do anything for Me. I told him that I wanted to try to insert the dong up his ass this session, and for him to tell Me if it was too much. I’m not into hurting him…I want him to enjoy every minute of what I do with him. Only when I can build up his tolerance will I start to become more rough with him and O/our sessions. I found his willingness exceedingly erotic, and quickly applied the lube for insertion. I pulled his balls and stroked him while I slowly inserted the dong, only going in an inch to see how he could take it. Surprisingly he asked for more which I happily gave. To My great amazement he was able to take it all in, all 6 thick inches of it. I was so pleased and loved hearing him moan as I took his ass. And needless to say he was rock hard the whole time while I did this and it wasn't long before he came. W/we snuggled after it was over while he came back to the real world. It was such an great experience for both of U/us. I just loved it and was so turned on by taking him this way as he was by recieving Me. I look forwards to the next encounter!

Training

2005-04-01T14:49:00.000-08:00

This earlier week I received a new flogger in the mail that I bought on Ebay. spirit was excited about the new toy and I was finally able to try it out last night. W/we did a little scene but it was more about training than anything else. Initially I just wanted to get a feel for the flogger since this is the first full size one that I’ve owned. So I had spirit get on the bed, fully dress at first and had him wait for Me in his punishment position. I lightly flogged him, adjusting for balance, proper grip, and the best position for Me to stand in while I administered the flogging. I wanted to make sure that I am comfortable using it and have spirit increase his tolerance for it. I gave him about 10 lashings then went a bit further, pulling down his track pants to have the leather kiss his bare flesh. I lightly lashed him at first slowly increasing the force to about a medium stroke. The tails are a bit longer than I’m used to so I must make sure that I am striking in the proper place so as to not to accidentally hurt spirit. The purpose of erotic flogging is to take spirit to his sub-space and not to unintentionally beat him to a pulp, even though other D/s couples may go to that level. That is NOT for Me and I’m sure spirit is grateful for My limits even though his tolerance to pain/pleasure has greatly increased since he first came into My service.

A bit later, I worked on training him to stay erect longer. I’ve discovered a technique that should help in this area with daily training. I stroke his shaft until he becomes hard and have him tell Me when he is about to cum. Instead of just stopping the strokes, I squeeze his shaft just below the head of his penis that allows the sensation to subside. I could feel his member throbbing and twitching, but due to lack of stimulation and the effects of the squeezing motion, it subsided within about a minute while his erection still remained. Then I started stroking again, brought him to the point of release and then stopped & squeezed again. I did this for a total of 5 times to build up his tolerance, to let him feel the sensations and then finally let him release. I read in a book that this technique is useful in treating premature ejaculation and that with practice a goal of up to 20 times can be achieved. Perhaps more can be achieved but I was happy with what W/we accomplished this first time. It made him very attentive to Me and My touch, allowing him to feel safe and relaxed with being aroused in My presence. Now some might think that being sexually aroused with a partner is a basic function but when a man suffers from premature ejaculation, it usually started as a guilt-based, shame-ridden reaction to those feelings of sexual pleasure. This is where the training comes in to break the ‘bad’ habit. I will be training his mind as well as his penis to feel comfortable My touch and accepting of his sexual feelings. I’m sure that with time My training will be successful for both of our sexual needs.

A Message for Subbies

2005-03-22T12:08:00.000-08:00

I saw this posted in a group that I belong to and wanted to share it on here. It's very straight up and describes how to make a 'real time' D/s relationship work...happy reading.

You can show true submission by giving your Mistress a very important gift, which is honesty. Honesty means you say what is in your heart, you say the things that you would rather leave unsaid, you say those things that will aid her in dominating you -- a sort of conspiring with your Mistress to undo you through giving your Mistress the information needed. You say the hard things that you think your Mistress doesn't want to hear in such a manner that your Mistress can hear them when they are very important to you. You check inside about your limits and likes, and give all of them up to your Mistress.

Most of all, you retain your individuality and personhood, and you never, ever forget that you are responsible for your own life. If you wear blinders that let you confuse protection for codependence, submission for weakness, adventure for drama, emotion for sentiment, you aren't submitting, you are living in a world of denial. If you do magical thinking, that all you have to do is obey and say yes and then you'll live happily ever after, you've foolishly given up responsibility for your life and that is not true submission. If you don't allow your Mistress to be human and make mistakes and be a pain and moody and weak at times, instead preferring a cardboard cut-out of some notion that says Mistresses are always on call 24/7, they are always strong and know what's best for you, then you've robbed your Mistress of their humanity.

Submission happens when you do your best to be fully human, to actualize your potential, to live and grow and become the best you can be, to acknowledge your personhood -- and then to consciously *decide* to submit. Not to acquiesce or to demur or to say "whatever you want" because you don't have a clue as to what you want for yourself anyway. You come as a fully adult human and you bend your will to anothers. That's submission.

But you can't do it without the work of being an adult. You can't do it while hoping deep inside that this will substitute for adulthood. You can't do it while thinking that the worst struggle you'll ever face again is if you can really handle a bit of limit stretching. The biggest gift of true submission actually has little to do with the D/s relationship itself, although the relationship can help it flourish. The biggest gift of true submission is to grow up, show up, pay attention, and live your own life as an individual. Anything else is make believe.

Making the time

2005-03-21T15:31:00.000-08:00

This last weekend was a busy one for U/us once again but I was still able to make a little time for U/us to play. Sometimes it’s difficult to do this but reinforcing O/our intimate lives is worth the effort. I also find that it’s important to keep some sort of consistency going on in the relationship or well established roles start to become a little bit less defined. Any Mistress who has had to deal with a bratty sub knows exactly what I mean!

There isn’t always the need for a big scene to make an impression on your sub. I’ve been fortunate enough with My training of spirit that I can start to take him to sub-space with minimal intervention. A tonal change in My voice or stroking certain areas of his body is all it takes for him to make him start to take off. his ears and nipples have become highly sensitive to My touch and I can get him erect within 5 minutes with gentle licks (and sometimes not so gentle) pinching and strokes without even touching his member. I have been making him hard in this manner so I can work on his erection training. he has no problem becoming erect but maintaining the erection is where the practice is needed. I’m happy that his erotic feelings are strong for Me but this makes it difficult for him to focus and as a result he cums far too quickly which leaves Me frustrated. I've realized that I have to become more consistent with his milkings. I started some of this type of training last fall but let it slide over the holidays which was a mistake. I was getting good results at that time but now I’m back at square one. I will have to start over and work it back into regular sessions again. The longest he lasted before was 15 minutes but I know he can do much better than that. When I am on top of him, I try to get him to focus on other things without loosing his erection but this can be difficult. It’s like an ‘all or nothing’ mind set. Um, how to train the brain to make the body function at command? It is something that W/we will be exploring over the next little while.

In the meantime, I am planning a special evening for U/us on the 23rd of this month as spirit was originally collared on August 23, 2004. I want to perform a distinctive D/s Bonding ceremony for U/us. spirit knows that it is in the works but has no idea what I am planning. I’ve been finding ideas on the net and have come up with something that will be very unique for U/us to share. W/we have taken O/our vanilla vows, now it is time for U/us to take O/our D/s vows that will carry U/us throughout O/our lives. I will write about it after it is completed so it doesn’t spoil the surprise for spirit. I hope he will be touched as deeply as I know I will be.

Happy Birthday spirit

2005-03-11T12:08:00.000-08:00

It has been an interesting couple of weeks since O/our wedding. W/we have both been riding an emotional roller coaster since that day but I’m happy to say that things have finally ironed themselves out. Last week it was spirit feeling anxious, restless, wanting to know what was next. This week it was Me feeling betrayed by discovering yet another ID that spirit has online and finding him involved in activities that I wasn’t aware of. he didn’t think it was a big deal but I do, and flipped the last time that this happened so I couldn’t understand why he thought that I would be ok with it. If I was going to be ‘OK’ with it, why didn’t he tell Me in the first place? You can see how My thinking can spiral downwards quickly. I was very upset. But since that day, W/we have talked things through and worked it out. It started with Me setting some very basic, hard rules that had to be followed daily. So far, spirit has taken to them quite readily and has been performing them well. I am happy with this as it is a necessary step to help re-establish the trust that was lost. I know in My heart, no real mal-intent was aimed at Me with his behavior...spirit truly loves Me and I know this. I feel it every day and with his eagerness to please Me so it will be easy for him to regain what was lost.

Today is spirit’s birthday. I am happy to be able to share this special day with him. I wished him a ‘happy birthday’ as soon as W/we woke up this morning and gave him his card. I bought him a beautiful velour robe but gave it to him last week since he needed it sooner and I didn’t want to wait. he had been wearing My blue robe around the house in the morning and I knew that it would be better for him to have his own. he just loved it too and it looks like it was made just for him. Tonight I’m thinking that My crop might like some kisses to celebrate his birthday also…forget about the ‘birthday bumps’ lol. Happy Birthday spirit, My boy, My love, My friend, My husband, My sub. Kisses and licks to you!

Relaxation technique

2005-03-02T15:33:00.000-08:00

I did a scene on the weekend with spirit to help him relax before the wedding. He was feeling really awful, sickly & anxious and I thought putting him in sub-space for a while would help him a lot.

he had a fever and that is usually caused by constipation, so I decided to give him an enema to clean him out and enhance any anal play later. Just for him to be put into that position, on the floor, naked with himself exposed to Me, waiting for insertion, not really knowing what to expect but trusting in Me put him in sub-space more quickly than I expected. I made it into a bit of a ritual, having him assume My worship position & wait for Me, filling the bottle & making sure that the water isn’t too hot, lubing up his anus, the gentle insertion and then the water flowing in. It took about 4 minutes for the bottle to empty inside him. After it was complete, he was allowed to sit on his towel, holding the water inside until he couldn’t anymore. As I stood in front him while he was on the toilet, the humiliation and embarrassment of Me being with him while he emptied himself was paramount. he looked up in My eyes as I held him, overwhelmed with feelings. Along with the waste being emptied from his body, his stress and anxiety started to release too as he visibly relaxed. In the end I left him to finish cleaning himself and save some dignity for himself. But I wasn’t through…I wanted to make sure he was truly clean so I did the procedure again. It was easier the second time as he was more relaxed and eager to be filled up again. I stayed with him as he eliminated his waste as before. His first comment to Me as he came into the bedroom later was how relaxed he felt and how his anus felt a bit swollen but wonderful. I checked him out, and decided that it was an excellent time for anal training. I used a butt plug that I’m training him with right now so I can work up to using the strap on. he was amazed at how easily it slipped in, and how good it felt. his training is coming along nicely as he is able to take more & more each time. I allowed him to service Me orally for a while, and then let him release also. W/we cuddled and caressed each other after the scene was completed. he said that after he was so relaxed that he felt drunk, so incredibly good. I am considering making this a regular scene for U/us since it turned out so well this time.

I also want to make a note here that I am not into scat play at all, but enemas can be a form of erotic anal play. It definitely helps relax the anal muscles to further any other forms of anal insertions.

Wedding Day

2005-02-28T15:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was O/our wedding and I can honestly say it was perfect in every way. It was a beautiful sunny day and the air was warm. The Imam was there (the one W/we originally had booked), on time and he was so warm & friendly, everyone was put at ease. My sister said she felt the ceremony was quite beautiful and exotic with the Imam reciting in Arabic & Udu, very melodious and flowing. I had the cake ordered the day before and it was beautiful. The best man picked up all the sweets & finger foods for after the ceremony and also bought spirit a proper Indian wedding suit. Also to honor O/our D/s relationship I had spirit wear a frilly pair of underwear. hee hee. spirit looked so handsome in it and he said I looked beautiful too, that My shalwar looked like it was made just for Me. My sister was an excellent photographer…She has such a good eye. Once everyone was fed and W/we had dropped the Imam off, W/we went to the beach to do some photos. There were a few cameras going off, one was digital in black & white and some of the photos W/we could see on the display were so wonderful. spirit was really cute…he kept turning to Me in the car to the park saying, OMG, W/we’re married…hi Mistress wife, lol. I think it will take a while for it all to sink in for both of U/us but W/we couldn’t be happier. After photo’s at the beach W/we all went for coffee & hot chocolate to warm up before dinner. A fog bank rolled on to the beach as W/we were finishing up our photo’s and the temperature dropped 10 degrees in about 20 minutes so there were more than a few chilled toes to warm up. After dropping My sister off to take the train home, W/we went to a distinguished restaurant for dinner. W/we had reservations at Cloud 9…it’s a revolving restaurant on the 42nd floor of the Empire Landmark Hotel in Vancouver. The food was excellent, service second to none and the view was breath taking. It was the best place to share O/our special day with O/our friends. spirit had a speech prepared for Me after dinner, he even wrote it down. He wanted to share with everyone how he felt blessed by having Me in his life, now as his wife and how he would love and treasure Me forever. Before Me he told Me that he never believed in ‘forever’…I am glad I could make him a believer. Then each friend had a turn to say their thoughts and well wishes for both of U/us. I was the last to say My speech for spirit & everyone. I was honored that the people who shared O/our day were as close and dear to U/us as they were, that W/we have love and laughter in O/our lives because of them. And for spirit, whom which I truly believe was placed in My path by divine intervention…My love for him knows no bounds. I will cherish and love him forever as W/we do complete each other. What a blessed day!

Pre-event stress

2005-02-25T11:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday turned out to be quite stressful for Me. Work has been crazy busy since someone is away on holidays but throw in the wedding on Sunday with all the last minutes details and it get’s out of control quick.

When I got home, spirit was already there and since I wasn’t expecting him, he totally scared the crap out of Me. Then I noticed that something was up with him. It’s strange but I intuitively know he wants to tell Me something but isn’t sure how to approach Me cause it will probably make Me upset. I persisted and got it out of him. With only 3 days until O/our wedding, he just found out the Imam is out of town. He is supposed to be back Saturday morning but there really isn’t any guarantee’s about his return and spirit wasn’t sure what to do. I know that O/our ceremony is small, but it still is a blow if something like this happens. Needless to say, I flipped out. OMG, I was so angry that someone from the Imam’s office didn’t call U/us to tell U/us about the man’s absence and that spirit didn’t have a back up plan in place in case something happened. It was his task to make sure that everything was in order with the Imam and I felt let down because it seemed to be falling apart. I know that it isn’t his fault that the Imam is out of town, these sort of things do happen, but I was upset with the lack of foresight as to not have a back up plan. I know that I probably over reacted but this is O/our wedding! I do commend spirit for not running screammig away from Me & My anger. Once I calmed down, I realize how shaken he was with My outburst. Poor guy, this is his wedding too and he’s just as stressed out as I am. I realized that I wasn’t helping the situation so I did My best to drop it and trust him that he would make it right. And you know what, he did and things turned out fine. he called his cousin and within a few hours a back up plan was in place and everything was ok. I guess emotions are running high, mine especially due to the wedding and wanting everything to go right. Well everything is in place, time will tell if it all works out ok but I have a good feeling that it will.

The big day is approaching quickly!

2005-02-24T12:00:00.000-08:00

These are the final days before O/our wedding and there seems to be endless things to do before Sunday. I was busy yesterday after work organizing things around the suite, just trying to get the house in order My way, since the ceremony is happening in O/our suite. spirit has been a big help with doing tasks around the house but I am still training him to My standards so I feel the need to make things just so. Maybe I’m a bit of a perfectionist at heart as spirit says, but I’d like to think that I’m not so much one. An area I organized was My panty drawer. I know that spirit likes to wear girlie underwear and I like to encourage him to be all that he is. So I went through and gave him a bunch of them to wear for Me when I desire it. I think that he looks so sexy in them, especially the thongs cause he has such a cute butt. Plus it puts him in sub-space for Me, somewhere he feels at home.

Spirit asked Me last night why he was submissive. This is something that I couldn’t answer for him and I told him so. But I did say that it’s part of who he is, that it makes him feel comfortable, at home with himself, loved and cared for and in the end, that is all that matters. It is said that people may forget certain events in their lives but they will not forget how someone else has made them feel. Emotional memories as these are called, are far more vivid recollections than events with little emotional attachment. With spirit being submissive, I think that there are plenty of moments remembered mostly when he is in sub-space because that is where he feels truly himself. I’m not discounting other vanilla areas in his life where he has memories…there are always significant events in life that brings up an emotional response not linked to D/s. But I think that some of spirit’s happiest moments are when he is in sub-space. I think that it is fantastic that not only he acknowledges every aspect of himself, but that he feels confident to share all of himself with Me. That is what makes O/our relationship so special to Me. And I encourage him to be all he can be on every level, to be supportive of who he is because there is nothing worse than living a lie or hiding who you truly are. So many people live double lives because they can’t be honest with others or themselves. It has been documented that many gay bashing incidents are carried out by homophobic men who secretly have homosexual desires that they are ashamed of and don’t know how to deal with them. They are not in-touch with who they are and how sad for them and society as a whole. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone just tried to accept themselves fully as W/we have done instead of trying to impose their beliefs on others with what they think is right or wrong. So much evil is created in the ‘best interests’ of others. Sigh…just random thoughts for that last bit.

I’m so happy spirit came into My world and I into his. We truly do complete each other and how amazing is that!

Communication

2005-02-18T12:29:00.000-08:00

It has been a busy time for both of U/us lately since spirit started his new job and O/our wedding is coming up at the end of the month. I have been taking care of the smaller tasks such as buying decorations, garment shopping, cake arrangements, food for after the ceremony, restaurant reservations etc. spirit made the arrangements for the Eman to come and W/we got O/our rings and wedding license last weekend. It’s a very exciting time for U/us.

However, I have been a bit emotional lately since spirit has been coming home so late at night…I feel that I need him now beside Me more than ever as W/we are facing O/our future together. What I didn’t realize is that his parents are not as accepting of O/our wedding as he told Me before and he’s been busy trying to smooth things over with his family. He didn’t want to tell Me as it would of added to O/our stress level but I was happy that he did tell Me in the end. I knew something was up and I hate being left in the dark. Communication is so very important. Even when someone is trying to spare hurt feelings by not telling some information to someone, it usually back fires as the person who doesn’t know what’s is going on tends to assume things so they can try to understand the other person’s behavior. This is exactly what I did. I was getting so upset because I thought that spirit was celebrating with his cousin, (boys night out or something) O/our upcoming wedding. As it turns out I couldn’t be further from the truth in My thinking. I guess because I’ve had a few bad relationships before and have residual issues from them I put that on spirit and became upset. It is very unfair of Me to do this to him and spirit with his loving heart and submission to Me is helping Me release these fears. he is the most patient and caring partner that I have ever had and I love him so very much. I have to learn to trust all that he is and ignore My analytical thinking patterns that sometimes gravitate toward a negative threads.

Now that W/we are both know what’s going on and can handle the issues together, things are just wonderful. I love waking up every morning with spirit by My side…gosh, I find him so handsome in the AM. Who knew that one simple offline message I left him on Yahoo would blossom into such a wonderful D/s relationship. I’m a lucky Mistress to have found not only a wonderful sub, one who loves & worships Me, but a wonderful person who completes Me. Dear heart...you are the best!

One Week

2005-02-08T15:04:00.000-08:00

It has been a week since spirit moved in and things are going wonderfully. Since it is a new arrangement there will be a learning curve for both of U/us to go through, but if this last week is any indication of how the future will be, I’m thinking things will be very good indeed.

Since W/we both work during the day, the evenings are when W/we get to spend time together as well as on the weekend. W/we have both been incredibly busy this last week and only really had time to snuggle a bit and play for about an hour before going to bed in the evenings. But I made up for that on the weekend. On Saturday W/we were downtown and went toy shopping again. I got a cock ring and a butt plug for spirit as I want him to be erect longer and to also continue his anal training. I bought a strap-on over a month ago but I want to make sure that he can take it properly before I try it on him. But either way, I know he is enjoying his training sessions just as much as I am. I find it incredibly erotic how I can play with and use his body & how he allows this to happen with love and trust in Me. His submission to Me is such a gift as well as how he loves and worships Me.

I started our scene on Sunday by having him wait for me in his punishment position on O/our bed, but no punishment would be dealt out this day. I started with some fondling, then erotic spanking that worked up to some light kisses from the crop and My little flogger. I’m amazed and pleased that he has worked up a tolerance for the crop and flogger and finds them both highly arousing when used upon his flesh. When he was rock hard I had him flip over and lay down on his back as I put his new cock ring on. I realized after the fact that I should have probably put it on before the scene started but it still went on ok. It worked well in maintaining his erection and I rode him until he was spent. I didn’t orgasm but I do enjoy feeling his member deep inside Me. Next I had him take care of My needs orally which he does with trained skill. I usually enjoy playing with his ass or balls while he is doing this but I decided that I wanted to train him with the butt plug. I could tell he was already aroused from My fondling so going to this next level wouldn’t be very difficult. So I lubed him up and inserted the plug with little difficulty while he was busy taking care of My needs. I was stroking his shaft while he was licking Me and as I built up to My climax he had another one again that left him weak. A bit later W/we snuggled close and tenderly caressed each other adrift in feelings of contentment. W/we are becoming closer every day as O/our love grows for each other and O/our roles become more defined within O/our relationship.

Moving in & moving on

2005-02-01T13:38:00.000-08:00

Today is the day that spirit is moving in, a day which W/we have been looking forwards to for a long time. W/we had been talking about this move for a while but due to his family situation where he was staying at it wasn’t an option. But now his family is aware of O/our wonderful relationship, in a vanilla way of course, and they are accepting of it. W/we are well on O/our way of attaining O/our goals and a beautiful life together.

W/we spent most of last weekend together and W/we had such a great time. A group of U/us went out to a Latin dance club to celebrate a friend’s birthday. It was so much fun and spirit is such a good dancer. A friend of Mine that was there who hadn’t seen Me in about 7 months or so said to Me that I looked so good, looked really relaxed & happy, and ‘are you in love?’ Gosh, I didn’t know that it was so apparent to everyone but I guess that is exactly what W/we are in. In love and in a 24/7 D/s relationship too. I think one of the things that make a D/s relationship work is not only the compatibility in sexual desires or power exchanges but also in regular vanilla activities, such as going out dancing or to a movie. Any relationship is always about give and take, however, with a D/s relationship there isn’t much of a power struggle (if any) as in a vanilla relationship because those boundaries are firmly in place from the start. But just because I am the Mistress does that give Me absolute power over My sub/partner? No, not at all because it’s not just about Me. Does it mean that My sub is topping from the bottom when I fulfill his desires? No again, because W/we are in a consensual D/s relationship…W/we both are getting something out of O/our chosen lifestyle. In the end, yes, I will make the decisions about whatever needs to be decided but I will not make the decision until I have discussed things over with My sub/partner and make sure it’s good choice for both of U/us. It’s also about balance and if the relationship becomes one sided it’s almost a guarantee that the union will not last. I notice this in many vanilla relationships with the games that are played, how they manipulate each other to try to find a way to get their needs fulfilled without proper communication. When this pattern starts to occur, the relationship disintegrates fairly rapidly to the demise of both parties. It’s a sad state of affairs when that happens and it happens far too often. With a D/s relationship, communication is even more important since limits are being tested and pushed on a regular basis. And I can say is that more D/s couples have deeper, committed relationships because of this level of trust that has been established. Communication is the glue that holds any relationship together as well as having a similar outlook on life.

O/our relationship was special from the start and W/we both recognized that it was something W/we didn’t want to let go of. It was one of the reasons I collared spirit early on in the relationship...no getting away sweetness. As a result, W/we have talked about getting married in the last few months. Now W/we decided that it's time that this should become reality. W/we set a date for February 27th only 4 weeks from now. It will be just a small ceremony at O/our place with a couple of close friends. After the ceremony W/we all will all go to a nice restaurant close to O/our place and celebrate the start of O/our new life together. The old saying is true…when you know you’ve found the right person, you know. W/we are both incredibly happy right now and I’m sure that it will only get better. I love you spirit xxxoo.

Vandalism

2005-01-25T15:03:00.000-08:00

There was a bit of an unsettling incident that happened at My place yesterday. When I came home last night I noticed the window in My laundry room was broken. A taped up rubber ball was thrown threw it. I think that it might of happened the night before while I was in bed as I did hear a bang but I thought that it was just the neighbours in the suite below Me being a bit loud. I live in an attic suite in an old character house so I know that this was more than likely a deliberate act as the broken window is about 14 feet above the ground on the third level. Honestly, it has left Me a bit shaken. I used to date a man that I had met online in a vanilla way who didn’t like the fact after a few dates that I wasn’t interested in him. In a momentary lapse of reason, I made the mistake of giving him My home number instead of My cell number and showed him where I lived. When I told him I wasn’t interested in him, he started to harass Me online and then threatened numerous time to come to My place. It was all power play on his part because he couldn’t handle that I didn’t want to be with him. I had thought that I had heard the last of him about a year ago but then he started bothering Me online last month again. I had blocked him numerous times but he kept switching online ID’s and accounts. I usually knew within a few minutes of talking to someone if it was him or not. I was tired of being super detective so I decided to change My online ID and account. I thought that this would be the end of it. Well in the last few weeks I’ve been receiving phone calls with the caller hanging up a few times a day and now the window-breaking incident. Perhaps I am jumping to conclusions in thinking that this is related to that nutty person; truly it could be just a random act of vandalism. Either way, it makes Me want spirit to be with Me more than ever. It doesn’t matter if you are a Mistress or not, being a single woman in a large city can be scary at times. I was speaking with spirit last night about it and he tried to make Me feel better by changing the subject and joking around. But I felt that he was just being bratty and started to get annoyed with his manner. Now that it is a day later I understand what he was trying to do but at the time My emotional brain was taking over and I felt that he was minimizing My feelings about the situation. It’s frustrating when you are not both on the same page. In the end it was all good and I do appreciate what he was trying to do. In a few days all this won’t matter as much since he will be with Me by My side and living with Me. I look forward to that day.

By My side again

2005-01-24T20:05:00.000-08:00

I saw spirit on Saturday and W/we spent a wonderful day together. It was good to see him in his collar again and to have him at My feet. He was most eager to please Me anyway he could think of but I needed to get to work on his punishment list. It has been said that I am much too lenient with him and it was time to make sure he was reminded of his place. Just because the punishment doesn’t happen right away it doesn’t mean that is forgotten about or that the sub got away with the transgressions. I chose to spank him with a wooden paddle from My kitchen, 3 spanks to each cheek, so as to not overwhelm him. It was painful but he took it well and I comforted him after as I always do when a punishment has been administered. This took off only one item from his list but at least it is a start. I feel that he is turning into a bit of a pain slut (he’s enjoying it too much!) so I have come up with a few other ideas of punishment. his list is long, so I will have to get real creative but I know that whatever I choose will be just as effective. I’m sure there will be a time when punishment is a rare thing but until then I have to maintain the standard set.

W/we played a bit later and watched a movie, just enjoying being close together. Next week he will be moving in with Me and W/we are both looking forwards to that. It will help U/us grow as individuals and as a couple living in a 24/7 D/s relationship. W/we are both supportive of each other’s endeavors that will enrich O/our lives and contribute to a positive loving relationship.

Transitions

2005-01-21T20:59:00.000-08:00

I haven’t seen spirit since last Sunday and I am missing his presence. We attended the Taboo Sex Show with some friends that day. It was a fun time watching some of the shows, viewing all the toys and just enjoying being with each other. When W/we came home, W/we were wiped out and decided to rest in bed for a while. Once warmed from O/our bodies & play, it was comforting just to be near My sub. he is very precious to Me and when he is away from Me for this length of time, My heart grows heavy. I know that there is a reason behind it, (some family obligations and such) but still it is a long time to be apart. In the meantime W/we have talked online and on the phone but it doesn’t have the same effect as in person.

It is a major time of transition for both of U/us and I should truly relish My time apart from him. Next week he will be moving in with Me and My personal time will be limited for sure. But I will enjoy his company as W/we look forwards to O/our future together. spirit also started a new job this week and it happens to be in the same field as I am in. It’s not his hearts desire but for now, it will help with daily living expenses. I know it will make him feel better to contribute to O/our living arrangements. Big changes but I think W/we are up for the challenge.

Going forward...

2005-01-12T22:15:00.000-08:00

This has been a very emotional week for Me and for U/us as a couple. I had found out a few things about spirit that I felt were inappropriate within O/our relationship that had to be clarified most urgently. First was his behaviour towards Me when things were not going in his favor, his somewhat disrespectful attitude to Me at times and the anger that followed. I had mentioned in here before that spirit had been late to see Me on scheduled visit days before and how I thought that I addressed that issue. Well it blew up again last Sunday. spirit was supposed to be at My place at 10:00 am and he didn’t arrive until almost 2:00 pm. I was quite upset and it tainted O/our visit that day. Second was that the next day I received an email from him disclosing all the other ID’s that he had on Yahoo with some of them still being active. I DID know that he role played on line and I had no problem with that. But I obviously didn’t understand the nature of the role play because if I had I would have never been comfortable with it. Some of the role play he engaged in was with Gor. Not understanding fully what Gor was, I didn’t know that part of the play was serving other online Mistresses if you were a sub. Needless to say I flipped out. I couldn’t understand how he would find it acceptable to serve these other Mistresses regardless if it was online or not when he now is collared to a ‘real time – full time’ Mistress. I found it exceedingly disrespectful and it seemed like O/our relationship didn’t mean much to him. I have to admit though that I am a ‘hot head’ at times and I have jumped to incorrect conclusions before. So I decided to calm down, breathe and give him a chance to explain himself in person before I made any major decisions that could affect O/our future together. he explained to Me that he didn’t feel that anything role played online was real to him so he didn’t think it was an issue. But I was having an issue when tasks were being assigned to him that he was completing for these Mistresses offline. I wondered if these tasks were cutting into O/our relationship and time spent with each other. Didn’t these Mistresses know he was collared real time and if not, why he didn’t tell them. he stated that he had told them about his real Mistress and had stopped doing any tasks requested by them a few weeks into O/our relationship. he reassured Me that there are no other Mistresses, that I am his One and Only Mistress, that he loves Me with all his heart and that if he had realized how strongly I was opposed to his actions he would of told Me of this information much sooner. He apologized profusely for being late and not disclosing the role play info and I, being a kind heart and so very much in love with him, could only forgive him. But not without having some firm rules set. They are:

I expect that you serve Me only.
I expect punctuality when you are to see Me.
I expect you to do tasks right way when requested, no whining.
I expect you to learn the positions that I teach you and perfect them
for Me and not have to keep reminding you of them.
I expect you to refrain from masturbation while away from Me
and if you can not, to disclose it to Me immediately when W/we talk again.
I expect you to take responsibility for your actions, not always at the
end of My crop.
I expect you to treat Me with respect at all times, even if angry, as I treat you the same.

I am positive that this is a firm base to work from to go forwards in O/our relationship.

W/we went out for dinner to discuss all aspects of O/our feelings for each other and the relationship. And even though at times W/we were both fustrated with each other, in the end W/we came to the agreement that, yes, W/we love each other, O/our bond is strong and deep and it is in O/our best interests to work on O/our relationship by always keeping the lines of communication open. W/we made it back to My place not too frozen but still wanted to warmed up in bed. W/we both actually napped for a while, warm from O/our bodies being close together but also warm from the knowledge that W/we truly have found something special with each O/other.

Toy Shopping

2005-01-09T11:50:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday spirit met up with Me at the skytrain station after I was finished work. It was nice to see him as W/we hadn't been able to spend any time together since the previous Sunday. I could tell that he was excited to see Me too, as I could feel his heart pounding through his chest when W/we hugged in greeting. I have yet to establish a proper greeting ritual that I would deem acceptable in public. Perhaps a kiss on the hand or a more formal gesture, something along those lines...I will have to think on this. But for now a hug is always welcome on a cold day.

I was supposed to go to an appointment downtown but it was cancelled due to the weather. It actually snowed here and yes, it did stay and is still is here a few days later which is unusual for the south coast. I wasn't able to let spirit know that the appointment was cancelled so I decide to continue on with O/our previous plans which was to go 'toy' shopping with him downtown. he told Me that he had been looking forwards to shopping all week and was happy to have a part in the choosing of what toys to buy. There are numerous adult stores in the area of town where W/we were going. The store that W/we finally chose to purchase from, Ultra Love, had the best selection and most knowledgeable staff. W/we have been exploring anal play recently and decided to take it to the next level and get a strap-on. W/we both talked about it indepth and felt that is was something that was exciting to both of U/us. With careful choosing W/we picked a leather harness strap-on with a 6" dong. W/we thought that it would be a good starter strap-on. Some strap-ons have the dong built right in them but for U/us I wanted to be able to have some variety with O/our play. The harness W/we bought is quite versitile as it allows for different sizes of dongs to be inserted in it. It will be mainly used with spirit but sometimes he has a difficult time maintaining an erection inside 'sub-space' so I may choose to have him use it on Me also. That's the one thing about O/our play sessions, everything that I do with him I have experienced so I know how it feels, if it's good or not so great, so W/we can attain a greater level of sexual satifaction. A sexually satified couple, whether in D/s or vanilla share a deeper bond and have a happier relationship. The key is balance to make sure that both of T/their desires are being fufilled which will lead to better understanding of each individual.

When W/we came back to My place, W/we were frozen but I couldn't wait to try on O/our new toy. It was a perfect fit and spirit said I looked sexy in it as he kneeled at My feet touching it. I wasn't in the mood to actually play with it that night but just knowing that W/we now have it available to use is a big turn on. After the mini fashion show W/we decided to hop into bed to warm up. spirit was like a little heater, touching Me all over with hot fingers and mouth. In no time O/our bodies were generating enough heat to take off the winter chill that had set in earlier that day.

I'm happy that W/we were able to add to O/our toy collection. I have made a 'wish list' of all the other toys that W/we are interested in buying as time goes on and O/our exploration continues. There is a sex show here in the next few weeks showcasing clothing, toys and workshops. I will be attending and hope that spirit will be able to join Me. I'm sure it will be a rewarding experience for both of U/us.

Our day together

2005-01-04T20:24:00.000-08:00

When spirit finally arrived on Sunday, I had a few things planned for U/us to enjoy. W/we did some regular activities such as baking, shopping and going for a walk but I also had a bit of training and play lined up for him.

W/we have been in O/our relationship for a fairly long time but I had not trained spirit in a proper greeting ritual and figured it was high time to set one up. he is collared however, when he is away from My presence the collar is removed and kept with Me. I gifted him with a necklace at Christmas time so that he knows his place and is always reminded of who he belongs to. But W/we also respect the symbol that the collar represents, so I wanted to established a ritual around it. When he enters My place he is to go to a specific spot, kneel with legs apart, bum on heels, head looking down with palms upraised in submission. He must stay there until I place the collar upon him. Once this is complete, he is to raise his bum off his heels and hug Me, (still kneeling), look into My eyes and say "Thank you Mistress, for allowing me to be in your collar again." Whereas I respond, "you are most welcome spirit, the collar is the symbol of O/our commitment to each other." W/we also will work on a parting ritual soon.

When a Mistress collars a sub it is not to be taking lighty. The sub enters an agreement that he is now owned by that Mistress just as the Mistress agrees to care and cherish that sub. It is a relationship that has gone to the next level, that is based on openess, communication & trust. A Mistress may release the sub if the relationship isn't working or meeting Her expectations just as it is a subs right to ask to be released if it isn't working for him. It is always up to the Mistress to grant the release and if it is not granted the sub must remain with Her until She permits him to leave. Personally, if spirit ever asked to be released, I would let him go as I wouldn't want to keep someone bound to Me against his will. One thing about D/s relationships is that it is supposed to be a consensual agreement, especailly regarding the level of play. If the consensual aspect of it slips away then it has become abusive. I would hope a sub in that sort of situation would have enough common-sense to get out of it as quickly as possible. But I digress....

I was glad to see the happiness in spirit's eyes when W/we perfomed the new greeting ritual. Now every time he comes to My place, it is to be completed. If it is not, or if I need to remind him, it will go in to his 'punishment list', which has been growing as of late. There are some ways in which he can delete items from the list, such as a good session of foot worship and perhaps some new positions that he will need to learn to ask for forgiveness. I consider Myself a gentle Domme and perhaps sometimes a bit to lenient with spirit. Don't get Me wrong, he will get the crop if he misbehaves but I am quick to sooth his hurts and emotions after the session. I know that he appreciates the kindness I show him and in turn does try his very best to please Me in his own way. He is a treasured sub...I care for him very much :).

After baking in mid afternoon I felt like being worshiped and playing a bit too. An online friend into D/s had told Me about prostrate milking, how it is performed and what results to expect etc. I had been exploring anal play with spirit but wanted to take it the next level armed with this new info. When a person is sexually aroused their tolerance of pain is hightened and quite often what in normal circumstances would be painful becomes highly erotic. I was told of a way to milk the prostrate from the inside of the anus, it depended on the insertion angle of the vibrator. When the prostrate is stimulated on the inside of the anus to a certain level, a clear liquid will dribble out of the head of the penis, usually in large amounts but it depends on the individual. That liquid is like gun powered in a gun, without much of it, it's hard to fire the bullets. Plainly, the more clear 'pre-cum' that is drained, the harder it is for the guy to get off. It helps maintain the level of submission with your sub by keeping him horny but unable to release. Nature's own chasity devise???? Who knows but from spirits moans and erection, I could tell he was throughly enjoying himself regardless. W/we have to explore this more, but there is plenty of time for that. Eventually I want O/our level of anal play to include a strap-on for Me to play with him. W/we are going shopping for one on Thursday and I'm looking forwards to that.

New Year - New Beginnings

2005-01-02T10:57:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning with the sunshine streaming through My window which is a true blessing in this rainy city. It is an omen to Me of all the good things that I hope will come in this New Year.

Today, spirit is supposed to be at My side, however, he has yet to arrive. This is one thing that has been an issue between U/us since the day W/we met. he seems to lack the concept of time but I also wonder if this is just a man thing as it seems to be an issue for many Women. I find it interesting that men will be on time for work, for a hockey game or any sporting event, to meet up with their buddies for a beer but when it comes to their Women lots of men drag their feet. This behaviour shows Me that some of their priorities are mixed up and it's even more concerning in a D/s relationship. Punishment works only to a certain degree...the sub has to find a way to keep the commitments he makes to his Mistress or not make them at all. Also, it's a Mistress' duty to know her sub well enough so that if he offers to do something that he is unable perform then She will let him know that She is aware of his inablity to do what he says and drop it. Sometimes a sub feels so much for his Mistress and wants to do everything for Her. He will promise to go to heaven and bring back the moon. The Mistress must make sure that no unrealistic standards are set up or only confusion and disappointment will follow for both of T/them.

In any relationship, Women like to be considered a top priority or at least in the top three. When She has fallen below that level, I feel that there are a few things happening: She is being taken for granted, the man has or is loosing interest in Her or he has lost focus or direction in his life. With spirit, I know his feelings and interest for Me are strong but with him, sometimes I feel he is a bit unfocused. This shows up in little ways such as being late or canceling at the last moment to see Me. he knows what he wants in his life but is unable to see how to get there from here. I hope that I will be able to help and support him in this area. I know he will eventually find a plan that works and I am confident that I will be part of it. When W/we are together, I do not doubt his devotion for Me at all. Ah, spirit just called Me and is on his way here. He left Me an offline message yesterday to say that he will be here at 10:00 am but it is already 11:15 am. It will take him an hour to get here ~sigh~. But I will see him soon enough and I know he will be apologetic about being late. I hope I can impress upon him that this is unacceptable behaviour with a few kisses from My crop. ;)

Happy New Year!

2004-12-31T15:07:00.000-08:00

With a New Year almost upon U/us, I figured that there wasn't a better time to start a journal of O/our experiences in D/s, and all the trials and joys that come with it from a Mistress' point of view. I was fortunate to find My faithful sub, spirit as I understand that it is difficult, (sometimes near impossible) to find someone you are comfortable with, who has the same level of experience and same desires as yourself to be fufilled.

My journey into D/s started last spring with an online friend, Peter, confessing to Me that he was a submissive. I was curious about what being a sub meant and what he was looking for in a Mistress. Up until that time I had never considered the lifestyle for Myself but I did have an awareness of it online and in the city where I live. I was surprised at how quickly I became interested in D/s and soaked up all the information that I was given. W/we spent hours online in discussion and with research. I realized that I had a very Domminate nature and that this lifestyle was more of a fit for Me than My regular vanilla one. I have always been an open person so to Me this was just a natural progression of My sexuality. Soon I wanted to become more involved with a sub in a real time situation than just online or in therory. In the end I didn't meet up with Peter but I am eternally grateful to him for all the info he provided Me and introducing Me to the lifestyle. Now it was time for Me to find a real time sub. Perhaps because I was so new to D/s and didn't have any preconceived notions about how difficult it is to find a sub, I didn't have the associated hesitations upon Me to locate one. I searched through online profiles to find local subs, found spirit's profile and sent him an offline message. Two things stuck out in his profile to Me, he was LOCAL (that always makes a difference) and the picture he had on file. And NO it wasn't a picture of himself; it was a beautiful art print of a sub worshiping his Mistress. I was happy when he responded the next day and O/our discusions with D/s started up. One thing I learned about meeting people online in real time is that the longer you speak to someone online, especially when there is chemistry present, there are false expections set up with both parties. When the day comes where you are finally meeting sometimes there isn't that chemistry in real time that you felt with that person online. I've had that happen to Me more than once so I set up a new rule for Myself. If I have the interest to meet someone for real I will speak to them for about a week, (I can usually tell if there is some chemistry there by that time) and then meet. That way if there isn't that chemistry, there are no hard feelings, you haven't wasted a lot of time and it's easier to move on. I spoke with spirit indepth for about 4 days and requested that W/we meet which he was eager to do. When W/we saw each other for the first time (and no, I didn't see a photo of him prior, but he did see Mine), I could tell right away that if anything W/we would have a stong basis to be friends. W/we had common interests, both liked to talk about everything, he was very companionable and as open and outgoing as I was. Who knew that what W/we started that day would turn into the stong D/s relationship what W/we share today. That's what I love about life; things happen when you least expect them too. Every day brings U/us closer to each other as W/we explore and share O/our inner-most feelings and desires. Yes, there is a deep, stong bond between U/us that I see only becoming stronger in the New Year.

To everyone and My dear spirit, have a blessed New Year. May 2005 be the foundation for the joy in your life.