Sunday, June 08, 2008

Breaking Old Habits

It's been a long time since My last post, but that doesn't mean our journey had stopped or even was delayed. Sometimes life gets so busy that time just slips by and next thing you know, months having passed within a blink of an eye. So far 2008 has been a series of life changing events for Myself and spirit. We have experienced physical injuries, job changes, continuing studies, a move and a faithful companion passing away. It's been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Through it all we tried to maintain a certain level of our lifestyle, which has been most challenging indeed.

Our move was a significant change, one that suggested a fresh start for us on many levels. There has been some progress made with training and such, new toys added but some old behaviours with spirit still remain which have to be dealt with in a timely manner if we are to maintain and grow what we have established between us. In short, the 'brat' is back and running freely in the playground of spirit's mind. he has been wrecking havoc for a number of months now and I have had little or no progress of reigning him in. I guess this is what happens when I become overwhelmed with vanilla life...I start of loose My psychological grip on spirit and the 'brat' resurfaces. There where times when the 'brat' had complete control of spirit and I had moments where I felt all that we had gained was lost. It's difficult for a Mistress to loose power like that and even more challenging to regain what was lost. Being a gentle Domme meant that I had to go beyond what I considered a pre-established level of control. I had to become not only firm psychologically, but to become more physically demanding too. I purchased a large cage and started to give spirit time outs in there. But putting him in there without him being in the proper space almost seemed redundant. I definitely needed a new approach to break these old behavior habits that he was displaying. Worship practices had slid in recent months due to levels of exhaustion on both of our parts. However, regardless of that fact, I decided to reinstate that as a regular practice of worship since having a solid routine is most important to a sub's psyche. Amidst initial whining, he soon became lost in his sub space, his most happy place. With all the anger that had being flung around lately, it was encouraging for Me to see that part of him coming to life again. Like a flower bulb that awakens in the spring after a long hard winter, it was very pleasing to see spirit blossoming into his own again.

After doing a bit of research online of what worked for other Mistress', I came up with a game plan that was a series of small 'tests' for spirit to pass. Initially, he failed most, but with positive reinforcement when he did pass a test, slowly I started to see the spirit that I loved reemerge. I also started to develop a new improved version of Myself at the same time. The first steps were encouraging but a lot more work still needs to be done on both of our parts. But that's what it means to be in this journey together. The energy may ebb and flow but in the end our commitment to our special relationship and our lifestyle choice remains consistent.


At 10:03 am, Blogger collette said...

Mistress Kika,
Thank you for your posts. We find they are very informative & helpful.
Could you tell us what worship rituals you have instituted? What tests you have used to re-focus spirit as you described in this post?
Anything you choose to comment on will be very much appreciated as i have noticed our relationship runs similar to yours regarding interferences of daily life's demands.
Thanks you for any comment......collette

At 4:47 pm, Anonymous EvanM said...

My girlfriend/Mistress and i have found that several things help her tame the ireesponsible part of me. One (which I have come to appreciate) is making me worship her ass with kisses and recite "mistress beautiful ass is to worshipped and adored, Evan's ass is to be beaten and spanked." It helps remind me and get me mentally ready for the spanking. Another is the just being spanked, i feel the sheer sensation of her cane and paddle make me escape from the uncontrolled racing mind back to the responsible adult I can be.
Now the other one which I really hate, and only do because it is very important to her, is shave the genital area bald when commanded to. It felt awful the firts couple of times, and i am still hideously embarassed when going to the showers in the male changing room at the bodybuiders gym, or when I have had a doctors checkupo afterwards and she checked for a hernia... but it does work to make me rememebr who is in control in the home. And when I feel the area I remember "I am Maria's man."

At 5:15 pm, Blogger Mistress Kika said...

Dear Collette,

A one of rituals that I have found that works well with spirit when he is misbehaving is to force him to wear a pair of panties around the house for a minimum of 1 hour. This happens usually a few times a week since his male ego seems to like to rear its ugly head far too often. This act always seems to put him in a more submissive frame of mind and lets him explore his feminine side. It also allows him to worship Me through some form of imitation. Even though he may be resistive at first, the feedback I receive from him is that it makes him feel closer to Me and strenghtens our bond to a deep level.

At 9:34 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mistress Kika,
This is chuck ( I tried to contact you at (, but my message was returned.

If I were as luck as spirit I would be so humble I would bore you to tears. ;o)

At 11:06 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The issue is that most people you should not have the slightest clue on the way to do things


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