Sunday, June 24, 2007

Acceptance - A Mistress' Perspective

Acceptance – such a simple word with so many complexities attached to it. What does it mean to accept yourself? What does it mean to accept someone else? Some may say acceptance is about self respect or it is about knowing who you are. I believe that being true to yourself, and exploring what makes you or others tick, are the first steps along the path to acceptance and tolerance. This becomes even more important when exploring a D/s relationship. Say what you want, but if you don’t accept yourself and the role you represent in the relationship, the other person can see through your smoke screen with crystal clarity just as easily you can see through theirs.

It’s been a long road to acceptance for Myself. I always knew I had a strong personality, not aggressive but most definitely assertive in a kind way. This caused a lot of disappointments in My past, especially when I had to fight for My rights and what I believed in. It wasn’t always easy and self doubts always seemed to have a way of creeping into My thoughts when I least expected. Early religious training combined with parental & societal standards of what was believed a woman ‘should’ be had a nasty way of creating conflict within Myself. Some days it felt as if I was going crazy. But through trial and error, My confidence grew by reading and education despite negative reinforcements that had come through failed relationships and strained family relations. When I eventually discovered D/s, it was the answer to the long struggle that I had been working through. And when I found spirit, I knew that I was on the right road to lead a fulfilling life for both of us. But there was one last hurdle for Me to cross before I would be granted the inner peace that I was longing to have in My life.

My personal life was now on track with all the rewards that come with a loving D/s relationship, but I was having a difficult time with the follow through in the vanilla world. I was leading at home, but I was NOT leading at work. There is always a certain level of direction given by managers to their employees of what they would like to see achieved within the company. In My position, I knew My job well and performed it well to company standards. But when a new VP arrived on the scene with a male ego the size of Alaska, who seemed to take great pleasure in disrespecting Me, I had a very difficult time trying to find the balance between what I now expected in My personal life and how that would transfer into My vanilla world. spirit was a great help, but I had to work through these issues to find some common ground so I could be true to Myself. In the end, the only decision I could make was to leave that company and to work for a new company that would meet the level of respect that I most truly deserved. I am glad to say that I now do have that new job, where I do not comprise who I am for company profits. The next step is to be self employed where I can fully lead the life & lifestyle I live on both fronts. I have achieved all of this because I found the courage and confidence to believe what I stood for and accept who I am. Growth and improvement in this area will never stop along with all the blessings that come with it. It is a life lesson that comes to us in many forms, one that I am happy to learn and to keep on learning along the way.


At 1:38 pm, Anonymous R. said...

It is pathetic to still be reading of sexism in the workplace. Long ago I thought that would all be gone by now.

Best of luck in eventually working for yourself. I've done that for half my life. In my case it allows me to live a life that makes it easier for me to offer submission to the one I love. Both sides of the power exchange need freedom to be who they are.


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