Sunday, January 21, 2007

A Submissive Male?

The other day I noticed an interesting post from a submissive male who was looking for a Domme in one of the groups that I belong to. Throughout the post he mentioned numerous failed past experiences, with articulate details of how the mentioned Dommes were not behaving in manner that he felt was ‘genuinely’ dominant towards him. He went on a long tirade of what he wants and expects from a Domme with very little of what he had to offer to the ‘lucky’ Lady. Near mid post he dropped a few gems of satisfying episodes, which was in his terms adequately visually and physically stimulating. I couldn’t help but think how this man could believe that he was being even remotely submissive towards Dommes or that he even has submissive tendencies. From his post he seemed to be much more into the SM and kink aspect of a relationship, to have a play partner that he could control in a pseudo D/s package. From the responses by a number of Dommes in the group, they found his approach abrasive and offensive. That old cliché that came to My mind while I was reading ‘you can attract more bees with honey than vinegar.’ Sourness pervaded his post.

I guess what irritated Me the most was the arrogance in which this person portrayed himself. He was trying to package himself with a label and wrap it up with a silk bow, but didn’t realize that he came across as someone who seems completely self-serving, not as someone who is willing to serve. There is nothing wrong with stating what you are looking for, your limits or what you expect from a relationship. However, falsely portraying yourself in a manner just to get a partner will have disastrous results for both people involved, some of which this person had described in past experiences at the beginning of his post.

There are many levels of D/s and what works for some may not work for others. There are many into just the play aspects of what BDSM represents, some just into the psychological parts of D/s. There is no right or wrong way. The key to finding a partner that is just right for you is to set the stage up for communication instead of confrontation. Please tell Me your thoughts on this.

3 Comments:

At 10:08 pm, Anonymous Richard said...

For some men their kinks are the vanilla male's focus on, say, breast size. They seek a specialized form of sexual fulfillment without regard to the other person.

And lots of men don't think to distinguish between acting out a submissive role and actually being submissive. I see no fault in the former. The problem is that they don't actually read what many women make it is clear that they are looking for. They are so caught up in what they want that they approach the wrong women.

 
At 7:24 pm, Anonymous Tom Allen said...

with articulate details of how the mentioned Dommes were not behaving in manner that he felt was ‘genuinely’ dominant

He's not seeking a domme; he's seeking a fantasy.

And look - that's okay for him. We want what we want. But it's important to learn how to recognize what we want, what our wants actually are.

I've got my fantasies, too - I'm sure that most of us do. But as one matures, one should learn how to distinguish the fantasy from the attainable.

 
At 5:27 am, Blogger strongnsubmissive said...

However, falsely portraying yourself in a manner just to get a partner will have disastrous results for both people involved,

This certainly is true for all lifestyles of which men and women both take part. I've met women who identify as a Domme, but really are just playing the fantastic odds that the BDSM community provides. Perhaps because they've had little luck in the vanilla arena.

Most of us know where our compatibilities are and it doesn't take long to figure out who's not compatible, regardless of the label they wear.

 

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