Sunday, January 21, 2007

A Submissive Male?

The other day I noticed an interesting post from a submissive male who was looking for a Domme in one of the groups that I belong to. Throughout the post he mentioned numerous failed past experiences, with articulate details of how the mentioned Dommes were not behaving in manner that he felt was ‘genuinely’ dominant towards him. He went on a long tirade of what he wants and expects from a Domme with very little of what he had to offer to the ‘lucky’ Lady. Near mid post he dropped a few gems of satisfying episodes, which was in his terms adequately visually and physically stimulating. I couldn’t help but think how this man could believe that he was being even remotely submissive towards Dommes or that he even has submissive tendencies. From his post he seemed to be much more into the SM and kink aspect of a relationship, to have a play partner that he could control in a pseudo D/s package. From the responses by a number of Dommes in the group, they found his approach abrasive and offensive. That old cliché that came to My mind while I was reading ‘you can attract more bees with honey than vinegar.’ Sourness pervaded his post.

I guess what irritated Me the most was the arrogance in which this person portrayed himself. He was trying to package himself with a label and wrap it up with a silk bow, but didn’t realize that he came across as someone who seems completely self-serving, not as someone who is willing to serve. There is nothing wrong with stating what you are looking for, your limits or what you expect from a relationship. However, falsely portraying yourself in a manner just to get a partner will have disastrous results for both people involved, some of which this person had described in past experiences at the beginning of his post.

There are many levels of D/s and what works for some may not work for others. There are many into just the play aspects of what BDSM represents, some just into the psychological parts of D/s. There is no right or wrong way. The key to finding a partner that is just right for you is to set the stage up for communication instead of confrontation. Please tell Me your thoughts on this.

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