Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Power Exchanges in D/s

As most people will find out if they choose to explore the D/s realm, D/s it is not about pain, it's about control and it's about power. It’s about who had it, who's given it up, and who's got it now. Just as people involved in S/M play love the dynamics of the power exchange, it is also an important part of a D/S relationship, and I don't mean just the power a partner has given to his Mistress to dominate him in the sexual arena.

I feel that power in itself is sensual. For the Mistress, the idea of power is thrilling. For the submissive, the idea of powerlessness is undeniably erotic. Some men submit willingly, some like the illusion of being forced and some like to put up a bit of a fight which I consider as testing the Mistress. If he puts up a struggle with her direction it could be because he is unsure about surrendering his control or he enjoys provoking the Mistress on some level so she can punish him. For those involved in casual D/s relationship (say mainly BDSM scening), the exchange of power is a game that is played for a certain length of time. Although the experience is real, the fact that the exchange is only temporary makes it erotically stimulating. In a 24/7 D/s relationship, it is always simmering just below the surface. Roles are firmly established and held to on a deeper level regardless of any situation that the couple may find themselves in.

The ideal Mistress can control her submissive because she obviously is in control of herself. She listens to her submissive. She is his mentor, his guide, his muse. She understands the fear and eroticism the submissive feels during play. The Mistress always knows fantasy from reality and provides and emotionally supportive environment for her submissive. She can be enough of a sadist to inflict pain in the heat of the moment and loving enough to use it only as an instrument to increase pleasure. She is imaginative and creative, and cares for the emotional and physical well-being of her submissive. She knows that his submission to her is a gift and that his surrender is voluntary. She knows that she has only the illusion of power and is in control with the permission of the submissive. She knows that part of being a Mistress means pleasing her submissive and in that sense, she is submissive to the will of the other. She respects his limits and appreciates the depth of trust he has placed in her and knows that respecting his limits is the basis for trust. She knows that BDSM play is not to be performed in anger. It can be a creative transformation of everyday frustrations into erotic play that will bring pleasure and a deeper level understanding to both of them.


At 6:58 pm, Blogger Becky said...

It's very true that a woman confident in her power can dominate a man! I posted a questionnaire to my readers a while ago and one of the questions to women was, "Do you feel confident in your ability to lead?" The women who replied and said they were not in a female led relationship, most of them indicated that the main reason they are not is that they are not sure they can take full control. Even some of the women who are in a female led relationship said that they are not sure of it either but they keep cool about it!

I think that a great deal of empowerment is needed before women can cheerfully accept the femdom life style as a normal, healthy and attarctive way to form and sustain a romantic relationship.

Best wishes,

At 1:05 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautifully put.

At 1:06 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beautifully put.


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