Monday, October 09, 2006

Telling his Wife

I received this email the other day seeking advice from a submissive husband who is unsure of how to tell his Wife of his desires in serving Her. he is worried that She might not respond favorably once he has descided to open up to Her. his email and My response is below.

'Mistress..i am a 53 year old man desperate to serve and please his Wife..but is afraid to really approach her in such a way that She will understand that it is for her joy..can You help me deal with this..please.'


The easiest way is to introduce D/s to Her is gently. Show Her literature online like Elise Sutton's or Paige Harrison's websites or even My own blog, and see how She reacts. If She shows interest and is openn, go further to introduce Her to more of the lifestyle. A key factor here is to always respect Her responses to what you are showing Her, either positive or negative. If you are too pushy, She will more than likely back off and it will be more difficult for you in the end. Always be honest & open with Her and encourage Her to express Her feelings by you doing the same, (lead by example). It may be a long process due to societal conditioning, however, with luck, She will realize that this is a wonderful lifestyle which will have many benefits to you both.

In the meantime, if you are truly sincere in serving Her, do it now in small ways. Offer to help Her more around the house, or with tasks that She may perform alone, like dishes without making a big deal about it or seeking verbal rewards. Run Her a bath, be more attentive during love making, even to the point of just pleasing Her. Make Her feel like She is the center of your universe and that your purpose is to bring Her joy. If you approach Her in a sincere, loving way, I believe that She will start to respond positively to you. Good luck on your journey of self-discovery in D/s.'

D/s is a dance between partners; a showing of faith and love which can go so much deeper than a regular vanialla relationship. It creates a circle of trust between the partners involved; a bond that will defy difficult times and will allow them to experience a level of passion that many others wish they could achieve. I wish them sucess in finding their path.


At 9:19 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank You Mistress..for the attention

At 11:13 am, Anonymous Maitresse Natasha said...

Well written Mistress Kika. Might I recommend that he show her dites like "Venus On top" or "Around Her Finger" before he goes to Elise Suttons site. There are some extreme stuff in Elise Sutttons site that his wife will not be ready for.

Begin with the Vanill aaspects of serving your wife and let her decide from there.

At 11:16 am, Blogger Tom Allen said...

Let me offer up a responsible alternative opinion. It's possible that one of the reaons that he is afraid to approach her is because over the years she has given out a number of clues that she considers any non-vanilla sex to be taboo, perverted, sick, or otherwise unacceptable. This being the case, giving her anything by Elise Sutton would be sure to send her screaming from the room.

I approached my wife by giving her a copy of "When Someone You Love is Kinky." It doesn't describe a femdom lifestyle at all, it merely discusses in a gentle and slightly humorous tone that some people take sexual pleasure in ways that are not thought of as "typical", and gives examples, including some letters written by people who have approached spouses.

I know that it seems as if any woman would enjoy taking a more dominant role in their marriage, but we have to understand that this is not always going to be the case. I'd say that before anyone tries to explain what they want from their partner, they'd better think about explaining why they want it.

The Edge of Vanilla

At 11:32 am, Anonymous bobcee53 said...

Thank you all for the advice..i bought a copy of Elise Sutton's book for my wife this should come in a few days..i sent her an email at work this morning asking to her to explore her domination of may not have been the perfect way to go with both these things..but i had to do something..start somewhere..

At 2:45 pm, Anonymous bobcee53 said...

i handed power over to my Wife last night..who is happy to take my surprise...and great joy..we are in the process of making a list of my responsibilities..etc...thanks to all of you who gave support...we hope to be making friends with many of you..bobby

At 8:10 pm, Blogger Tom Allen said...

Best of luck to you both.

And congratulations for getting up enough courage to actually get the process moving. It's sometimes the most difficult step.

The Edge of Vanilla

At 10:47 pm, Blogger VeezKnight said...

As I've described on my blog, I also gave my wife a copy of Sutton's book as an introduction to this lifestyle. It worked for us. True, it does include some extreme stuff, but the good thing is it gets it all out into the open, which makes it easier for a submissive man to "fess up" to wanting some of that as part of their relationship.

At 4:08 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here are some tips on how to please your wife.Try by sitting down with her,and let her know you want to do things for her.Such as honey lets go to a movie tonight,and you pick the movie,then lets go out to dinner,you pick the resturant,open the car door for her,let her feel special.Send her flowers when she doesnt expect it,just to let her know you love her.But very important you let her know you want to do more to make her happy.Let her know your going to be there for her and do more and more.But dont make the mistake that alot of people do,by becoming her slave and treating her as a goddess,and worshipping her.There are no goddesses.Worship means just what it says-worship,and that belongs to God Only.As when God wrote His Ten Commandments-His 1st Thou Shalt Not Have No Other gods Before Me-The bible says God is a jealous God and it also says in the bible-worship no other god but me-For I am the one who counts.Too much worship these days fun or not,fantasy or not,consent or not-God does not approve of other gods or other goddesses.

At 1:06 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i really enjoyed reading this story and i am glad it worked out for you and your wife domina dorothy

At 7:44 am, Anonymous Charmant said...

I liked much to read your post on "Telling his Wife".
I am allowed to translate it into French on

this Forum preaches the love in D/s
and it is the forum of the official site of Elise Sutton France.

If there is a problem, with your request, I will remove it.

It is a beautiful answer with advise wise which I think can help much of man in their search of this marvellous lifestyle.

I did not read your blog yet but I already found there beautiful things written and of very beautiful pictures.

Thank you

respectfully your.


ps: Afflicted for my English but I speak little.

At 7:05 am, Blogger Mistress Kika said...

Dear Charmant,

I'm glad that you enjoyed the post. I checked out your site, and while I couldn't read much of it, the looks is very beautiful. I hope that My post will help other readers in some way on your site.


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