Sunday, September 17, 2006

Balance in Vanilla Life & D/s

The last few weeks have been a very stressful time in our vanilla lives once again. I am in the process of looking for new work while working and spirit is working now too. With new schedules to work around, there hasn’t been much free time to scene or connect profoundly on a D/s level. Vanilla life was starting to encroach full time in our lives which left us both moody and restless. We both knew that we needed to find the balance between the vanilla and D/s aspects but were too angry with each other to take the time to figure out how. As Mistress, I knew it was up to Me to get a grip of the situation and help spirit realign to his submissive nature.

spirit was having a difficult time transitioning with his work self and his submissive self. When he came home from work, he was resistive to duties that he normally would cheerfully perform and would question instructions for tasks that I would give to him. he would try to top from the bottom on many occasions with feelings of guilt later. I would become angry with this behaviour and flip out, with the result of Myself feeling very un-Mistress like and unhappy. The endless power struggles were exhausting and damaging the bond that we had strived so hard to develop. We both needed an attitude adjustment.

As for Myself, I needed to relax & calm down before I could take any steps to rectify the situation. I needed to feel grounded again in My role. Reading D/s literature and connecting with other Mistress’ online helped. I found that I am not so alone with coping with this imbalance issue. Living a 24/7 D/s relationship has its challenges with this being one of the biggest ones; how to create and maintain the strong bond with you submissive with lasting results.

Once I felt back in My natural Mistress state, I started to give direction once again to spirit. Attitude is everything, and spirit could tell I was back with My vocal tone, My body language & My demeanor. Any bad behaviour on his part would not be tolerated. Within a few moments of speaking with spirit, he dropped from his top space into his mid-space, something that I was unable to do within the last few weeks. It felt very rewarding. spirit had returned to his happy place, a place where he feels cared for, deeply loved and devotedly submissive. Balance for both of us had once again been achieved. Sometimes this lifestyle can be a challenge but in the end, it is so very worth it. When we finally had time to scene, it was a very gratifying experience. I’ll fill you in on those details another time ;).


At 1:50 pm, Blogger Polyfetishist said...

Even when you aren't in a 24/7 relationship transitioning from work to home can block the surrendering side.

My own beloved has tended to pull back when she encounters resistance when she wants me to drop into surrendered space. She hasn't wanted to stress me too much.

Recently I asked her to help by being more firm. Often I've felt that if she had just repeated herself my mind would've had time to catch up and complying would've followed instantly the second time.

Best wishes in finding a new job.

At 7:20 pm, Blogger Queen'sKnight1 said...

How beautifully stated. D/s isn't what so many dream in their imaginations. Real life certainly encroaches.

At 12:52 pm, Anonymous Marquise said...

I congratulate you on your refreshing honesty about difficulties in a long term bdsm relationship.

I gained a great deal of solace from your post.

So glad to hear that you are back on track and long may it continue. I am sure spirit knows he is very lucky to have such an understanding Mistress.

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