Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Bits & bites

Life has just been humming along with spirit and I, keeping U/us so busy that it’s hard for Me to make the time to update here. I have been involved with work, studying, continued training for spirit and looking for a female sub worthy to own. There was one fem-sub that I was interested in. However, I misread her sincerity and will continue My search.

spirit has been busy with web design, learning how to play guitar and also how to cook, which he is finding that he is very proficient at. I’m continually impressed with the level of finesse that he applies to the meals that he prepares. I will encourage spirit to start up a cooking photo journal that will detail the wonderful meals that he has been creating. It is such a treat to come home and have a gourmet meal waiting for Me. It is an excellent skill to acquire for any sub.

This last weekend spirit and I attended a same sex wedding (lesbian). It’s was a beautiful day for an outdoor ceremony (where else in Canada can you even imagine an outdoor wedding in February, except Vancouver!). Both women looked fantastic and very much in love. It was a pleasure to attend and witness their bonding. W/we wish them many years of happiness. W/we are also fortunate to live in a country that is accepting of different lifestyles and recognizes that love takes many shapes and forms. I feel that there is a slow an inner awakening at hand within society, something wonderful that has been a long time in the coming. I believe that with acceptance and respect W/we will all be able to live the lives W/we choose without secrecy or shame. I look forwards to that day.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Effective Communication Skills

Communication, such a basic function in daily interactions can sometimes be amazingly non-existent in personal and D/s relationships when disagreements or conflicts arise. When these situations happen, and they will from time to time, what is the best way to handle them without causing damage to the relationship?

I have listed a few examples of some ways to be an effective communicator that work for Me.

- Be a good listener – This is a vital part of any discussion but when there are disagreements, sometimes each person is too busy thinking about what to say next to truly pay consistent attention to what is being discussed. It takes a lot of hard work & practice to be a good listener but it is worth the effort in the end. When the other person feels that their concerns are being heard and understood, they may be more willing to accept an opposing view-point and be more open to reach a desired resolution to the conflict.

- Work on current issues and break the cross-complaining habit – Cross complaining happens when someone complains about something you have done and your emotional response is to verbally strake back and complain about something they may have done. For example: You have asked Your submissive to complete some task and it is still not finished 2 hours later. You complain that he is too slow and he responds by complaining that you didn’t give proper directions. This situation doesn’t create any good feelings and generally escalates into an argument in short order. Sassiness from a submissive is unacceptable but may happen and usually precludes some unstated problem. This is the time to have an open discussion about the current problem, not to just quarrel about other unrelated issues.

- Using the “I” message – If you treat people with love & respect, you will greatly reduce the amount of tension & stress in your relationships. Try to express your feelings when frustrated instead of just venting your emotions. (Limit any humiliation to the scenes you choose to play with your submissive).

- Use consistent verbal and non-verbal messages – Say what you mean, mean what you say and back it up with your body language. If you are saying something positive, make sure your tone of voice and facial expression matches what is being said. Only about 7% of communication skills are verbal. 38% is through vocal tone and volume and the remainder (a whole 55%) is through body movement. A gentle touch can make all the difference when You are trying to get Your point across to Your sub.

With practice, these few essential communication skills to assist your training may mean the difference between dealing with a disruptive, demanding sub verse developing a loving, devoted sub.

Monday, February 13, 2006

The Importance of Rituals

One of the first things I did when I had decided to collar spirit was to teach him a few simple daily rituals that would maintain O/our D/s link at all times. I feel that these straightforward routines help spirit maintain focus on his set tasks and keeps O/our chosen roles firmly established within O/our TPE relationship.

The first ritual that I taught spirit was his greeting position. Upon Me arriving home from work, spirit must be waiting in the front room, kneeling straight up with his palms resting upwards on his thighs, collar in hand. (note: spirit is collared in My presence only. I remove his collar before I leave the house as this allows spirit to perform functions for Me in the vanilla world without advertising to others O/our Lifestyle choice. he does wear a silver chain 24/7 which he is not allowed to take off as a constant reminder of his ownership to Me).

When I arrive, he greets Me with a warm hug, holding his collar out so I may place it upon his neck. Once done, spirit sinks from his top space to his marginally down space, ever ready to do whatever bidding that I choose with happiness shining in his eyes.

A couple of other rituals I have established involves O/our morning and bed time routines. When I get up in the morning for work, I gently wake spirit up and he dutifully makes Me coffee, My breakfast and packs a lunch for Me while I shower and get ready for work. Since spirit his fulfilling his role of ‘boywife’ right now, he has the time to do this. I know in the future this will not always be, so I am taking full advantage of his lack of time constraints. With a hug and kiss, he sees Me off every work day like this. It makes U/us both feel cherished and gives a high-quality start to the day. In the evening, I must go to bed earlier than spirit. his routine begins by placing a glass of water beside the bed, turning down the sheets and waiting for Me to arrive. Once I am in bed, he gives Me a 10 – 15 minute foot rub to help Me relax and get ready to sleep. I feel completely pampered and taken cared of, and spirit feels wonderful that he can serve Me and worship Me in this manner.

W/we have achieved a level of intimacy with a few, simple rituals without the overt sexual tones of a BDSM scene. By creating a few rewarding procedures for spirit to follow it has brought U/us to a deeper understanding of how to fulfill O/our roles and each O/others needs within O/our relationship.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Blessed are they...

Blessed are they.

Blessed are the Dominants, whose willingness to exercise responsibility for a submissive is the foundation of our Lifestyle.

Blessed is the submissive, whose only true joy and desire is to serve.

Blessed are the Tops whose careful and knowledgeable application of pain can make us fly beyond ourselves and reach peaceful heights of self-awareness.

Blessed are the bottoms who cheerfully and trustingly yield their bodies and becomes the Instrument for a Tops virtuosity.

Blessed are the Mistresses who realize the great gift they have been given and dedicate themselves to utilizing that gift with love and care.

Blessed are the slaves who find that One special person they can trust wholly and completely without fear so they may yield their hearts, minds, bodies, and souls without reservation.

Blessed are the Teachers and speakers, who impart precious knowledge to us all.

Blessed are the lesbians, gays and bi-sexuals, who have shown the courage to live out their inner needs under public scrutiny.

Blessed are the newbies, may they know only joy in this Lifestyle.

Blessed are those whose trust has been broken, may they find those who will help them heal, and may they once again build up the courage to extend trust once more.

Blessed is the Collar, the external symbol that binds two hearts and minds together.

Blessed are we all, for we are all bound together by the ties of our Lifestyle, which will forever separate us from the world at large.

~ Author Unknown

Friday, February 03, 2006

Perhaps an addition....

In the last few months, I have had a few discussions with spirit in regards to adding a female submissive to O/our household. Not just any one, she must be someone keen on service and training, someone who is worthy to wear My collar. Since spirit is My alpha male, I take his feelings very seriously in regards to this and weigh the pro’s & con’s of how adding someone else to O/our household would affect O/our relationship. It can be a very exciting time but there are a few pit falls to beware of, such as sub jealously. Initially spirit was unsure of what it would mean to U/us and him, but when he realized that I wouldn’t make the decision to take on a new sub without him feeling comfortable with it, he relaxed and stated to look forwards to the experience. Perhaps he would find that he may have a sister in submission, someone to share his feelings with in a way only subbies can understand.

I started to look after Christmas for a suitable female who would be a good fit within My expectations. I received many inquires but one stood out to Me and I decided to follow up with her. To date, W/we have been talking online, learning about each other and whether things could work out within the situation I was presenting to her. I have had her complete a BDSM checklist, and many of the things she enjoys overlaps into what I could take pleasure in or have experienced. So far I have found her polite, attentive, sincere and keen to learn. W/we have decided to meet up next week for coffee, to see if the chemistry is the same in real time. I have named her L’il kiki and I hope that the promise of O/our conversations turns into many meaningful experiences for A/all of U/us.

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