Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Punishment beyond the Physical

So many times in everyday life, when a submissives behavior is less than desirable, the topic of punishment arises between Mistresses. In My world, physical punishment is part of the ‘play’ with My submissive, something to derive enjoyment from for both of U/us. I have tried to show My displeasure in spirit’s behavior though physical means, however, I found it to have little effect on him which in turn, just frustrates Me more. Some subs like to push their Mistress’ (top from the bottom, so to speak) in order to receive the physical punishments they so crave. I find this conduct unacceptable but have also found Myself caught in the middle with this situation of what to do, and what will be effective. I have listed below are a few ideas that have worked on with spirit, and just perhaps may work for other Mistresses in there D/s relationships.

- Ignoring your sub but keeping him within your sight. Usually when a sub misbehaves it’s because they are seeking the wrong kind of attention (meaning negative attention) from their Mistress. This is such a waste of energy for both parties involved, and it doesn’t contribute to any lasting feelings of confidence in the relationship. By ignoring your sub, it sends the message that his bratty behavior will not be tolerated and should also make him realize that only consistent positive behavior will be rewarded.

- Kneeling in a corner. This is similar to ignoring the sub, with the reinforcement of throbbing knees to add to his time out. Even though this is somewhat physical, the difference is that the Mistress isn’t directly contributing to the pain, gravity is.

- Not allowing the sub to touch or serve you. If your sub has any sort of attachment to You, this can be pure torture to him. When spirit has misbehaved with Me, I have taken away this privilege, and limited his freedom this way. spirit is a very loving sub and I can see in his eyes how deeply this punishment affects him. I have found this method to be the most effective in O/our relationship in maintaining his devotion to Me as well as consistent constructive behavior.

- Not allowing the sub to be in the same room as you. When spirit has really tested & pushed Me too far, I took away his privilege of him sleeping in My bed. One time I had him sleep on the floor, naked with no blanket or pillow. This lasted only for ½ an hour, but My point was clearly taken.

- Not allowing the sub to speak for a specified time. Communication is one of the main ways a sub can receives his Mistresses attention, and when this is used as punishment, he soon understands how much of a limitation this can be. If the sub chooses to speak before the time alotment has expired, then additional 5 minute incrementstime of time is added to the overall length of silence. If the sub repeatedly ignores this, a gag ball works quite nicely.

I would hope that I would never have to use these methods with any sub. But without challenge, there is little learning. I believe this the overall goal for anyone in a D/s relationship…to learn and be able to take each O/other to the depths of their souls.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

The Next Level

Since early last fall spirit has repeatedly been asking Me when he was going to reach the next level in his submissiveness to Me. I find this a vexing question at best. I can only encourage spirit to be all he can in his submissiveness, give him structure to help him with daily duties but it is only within himself that he can attain the level that he hopes to achieve. It’s like the saying ‘when the student is ready, the teacher will come.’ Well the teacher and student are now together, it is up to the student to learn what is offered. There always comes a point where the student goes beyond what the teacher can teach, and this is when the next levels come into play. There is a shift that takes place within the submissive’s mind, so that his desire to serve isn’t something he has to think about…it is something that he just does joyfully.

One of the biggest obstacles in spirit’s way is his male ego. I am sure that it is something that every male submissive has to fight within himself on a regular basis. male ego contributes to his personal doubts, societal stereotypes that directs his behaviour and adds to any insecurity that he may have within himself. With spirit, it surfaces as what I call his ‘bratty mode’. When ‘the brat’ emerges, it is difficult to direct or reason with him…he becomes disrespectful, argumentative, questioning and testing of My authority. It is a sad situation to find O/ourselves in. It is as if My spirit is trapped behind a glass wall, watching and regretting all that ‘the brat’ doing but helpless against it. Eventually ‘the brat’ goes away, spirit returns and has to face the reality of what has just transpired. But I have come to realize that punishment after punishment will not help ‘the brat’ go away as this aspect of spirit thrives on that negative attention. So I have had to resort to new tactics. When I see ‘the brat’ emerging, I try to divert his attention to something more vanilla, since confronting it will resort to a power exchange which only makes the situation worse. I try to be more kind, more loving and to show ‘the brat’ that he has no place within O/our relationship. Is it working? Well, it’s a work in progress but I believe that I am helping spirit get a handle on his ego. I believe that once spirit truly accepts all of who his is, he will be able to control the negative parts of himself that cause so much grief within himself and O/our relationship. he has been working very hard on it, and even though there as some slips, I believe that he has achieved so positive results.

I have noticed within the last 2 months that he has been more attentive, more pro-active within the activities that we do. For example, not only will he make dinner for U/us but clear the dishes and tidy up the kitchen. he is mindful when W/we are out in the vanilla world, opening doors, carrying bags, being helpful in the little ways that are so important. This is a big step as I have not asked him to do this, he has done it all on his own. It doesn’t happen all the time, but it IS happening. This is where the shift is occurring, it is becoming instinctual for him. I find it gratifying and spirit feels happy and more confident in his role in O/our relationship as his insecurities start to evaporate. It brings U/us both to deeper levels of understanding & intimacy.

I found this gem on one of the groups that I belong to and found it fitting for this topic. I made spirit read it, and re-read it.

‘I agree to strive to overcome feelings of guilt or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with my capability to serve, and limit my growth as a submissive. To maintain honest and open communication and be treated with nothing but the same. To strive to reveal my thoughts, feelings, and desires without hesitation or embarrassment. To inform clearly, of wants and perceived needs, recognizing that the Mistress may choose to decide whether or how these shall be satisfied.’

With a few word shifts, this can be adapted to fit any area of his life. No one is a mind-reader…communication is the key. After all, being confident and accepting of who W/we are is the first step for O/others to be accepting of O/ourselves and O/our chosen lifestyle. spirit, I can safely say that you are on the cusp of the next level.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

A New Year – a new beginning

The best thing that I like about New Year’s Eve / Day is that it gives everyone a chance to be retrospective for a while - to learn from and forgive past mistakes and to begin again…a fresh start. To move forwards with quiet expectation of the adventures to come…this is what inspires Me.

I decided to give spirit a New Year’s Eve to remember. I told him to be waiting for Me in O/our living room nude except for his collar and in his greeting position at 7:30 that evening. Prior to that, he was told to wait in O/our spare bedroom, with the door closed so I could prepare O/our scene. I had incense burning, candles lit all over the room and around My throne chair which was placed in the center of it all, the place of pleasure. I was dressed in My black corset with matching panties, black fishnet stocking and boots, of course. All My toys were close at hand, ready to utilize if the need arose. I was going to let My instincts guide Me tonight.

spirit, ever obedient, was waiting for Me in his position as ordered. his eyes were wide with wonder & love…he was excited and nervous of what he might experience but his trust in Me is resolute. he knew he had nothing to fear. I had him crawl on his knees to My throne, an old-style burgundy velvet, wooden claw foot chair, and had him sit in it. he was reluctant as first but a few taps from My crop changed his mind quickly. I bound his ankles and hand cuffed his wrists behind the high back of the chair. Then he was bound with a 6’ link chain: around his legs, chest, arms & balls. he was very secure as the blind fold as placed upon his eyes. I left him like that for a few minutes, waiting quietly on the other side of the room to watch his reaction, how he struggled to try and get out of the bonds. he called out to Me, apprehension creeping into his voice, but I was closer at hand than he realized. I took a feather and slowly traced circles on his chest, torso, nipples, thighs, balls, and penis. He soon was responding quite nicely. Next, I begin gentle tappings of My crop on his exposed flesh. The strokes gradually became stronger while I sat on his legs, stroking My wetness on his thighs. his panting & yearning was becoming unmistakable. What an incredible feeling, to be able to take spirit deep into his sub-space. I teased him a bit, lifting his blindfold occasionally, as he begs Me to keep it from his eyes. I take pleasure in playing with his nipples. I have been increasing their sensitivity for the past few months. he has progressively become more tolerant of firmer pressure which is augmented tonight as I place clothes pins on them. I end up adding a few to his balls for good measure too. As I release the pressure from the cloths pins, I run the feather over his body, delicately touching those tender places as his passion erupts. Release without any touch to his penis, this is My glory. his submission to Me is complete…he is in his happy place, content in his service and love to Me.

I slowly, methodically, unbind him as he exhaustedly kneels in front of Me. I am now sitting in My throne. It is time for My worship and only oral service will do. I hold his head in place as I guide him to where his tongue needs to lick. he has been an eager student and has learned his lessons well. I am pleased.

Umm, it was a wonderful way to ring in the New Year, so full of promise of what is to come in O/our journey and exploration of D/s & BDSM.

“As thoughts flutter through My mind,
Like a butterfly in the breeze,
To whom, that I might find,
A man, and bring him to his knees”

Happy New Year to A/all!

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