Thursday, November 24, 2005

Finding Focus

Being in a D/s relationship can be challenging at times. There can be certain levels of expectations and responsibilities from both parties which may hinder the union without good communication, both verbal and non-verbal.

It is expected that the submissive willingly gives of themselves to their Mistress, to enthusiastically serve Her in whatever manner that is pleasing to Her. It is assumed that the submissive experiences great joy on many levels to serve in this capacity. Why else would they choose to be in this type of relationship?

But what happens when the submissive doesn’t feel that their needs are being taken care of, (after all, it is a consensual relationship), that they are being taken for granted or that not enough attention is shown to them? It has been My experience that spirit will unwittingly ‘top from the bottom’, become bratty and test My authority in O/our relationship even though O/our roles have been clearly defined from the beginning. When this happens it isn’t even consciously done half of the time. One thing that the submissive needs to realize is their consistency in the relationship. It is the submissive that has to be accountable for their own actions, whether it is in regards to their happiness or being disgruntled with the relationship, what degree of service that they have been committed to and have fallen back on or not being chaste when it is vital to their service level agreed upon. Their Mistress will help keep them in line, but ultimately it is up to the submissive to ‘do the work’ in their area or the relationship will weaken.

It is expected that the Mistress will have clearly defined guidelines of what type service is preferred by Her and how She will respond if the guidelines are disregarded. It is expected that a Mistress will ‘scene’ with Her submissive. In fact, many submissive’s feel that scenes are required in order for them to feel that they are being cared for in the relationship. It is assumed that the Mistress finds Her role extremely gratifing to be in this position. But what is the true responsibility of the Mistress?

I can only speak for Myself, but I feel that My responsibility is to love and care for spirit with a firm but kind hand. I have found that doing a scene helps the fluidity of O/our relationship. It is key for the Mistress to maintain Her consistency. I feel that a Mistress must regularly discipline Her sub in order to maintain T/their roles within T/their relationship. Does this mean that the Mistress has the right to abuse Her submissive for Her own pleasure? Absolutely NOT! It means that She needs to kindly redirect Her submissive’s psyche to maintain the sub’s focus on Herself if the submissive becomes too distracted by issues in the vanilla world or his own insecurities. By doing this, the Mistress helps the sub maintain a certain level of sub-space by keeping ‘top-space’ to a minimum while within the Mistress’ presence. I feel it also helps maintain T/their unique bond which is the basis of any D/s relationship.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Reply to whyguys

This is a response to a comment that I received from My L'll Asha post.

Truly envious of l'il asha's training and blossoming at your hands, yet
also can understand those moments of rebellion when she desperately
fears the surrender of "manhood". As one who has spent most of my nearly
60 years on the planet having strong conflicting fear/fascination
responses to sex role-reversal, Female Supremacy, and feminization, I've
lived perhaps a generation too late to have had the kind of opportunities
that allowed spirit to become asha.

Still, I'm wondering on your part, how do you deal with her periods of
asserting or trying to revert to "masculine" identity. Also, as the
process of asha's feminization further develops, do you feel you may be
able to head off such unwanted behaviour merely by more openly exerting
force because the balance of power will so much more be seen to be
naturally yours as a matter of fact? Another question is, ideally how far
and complete would you enjoy seeing asha's feminine persona evolve, and
ultimately how extensive do you see this reversal of sexual roles as
becoming very prevalent in society in general? Would you like to see such
a fairly complete turnabout of sexual roles and behaviour?

Thank you for your wonderful comments. I hope that I can answer your thought provoking questions with as much eloquence as you stated them. I frequently have to deal with spirit trying to over take l'il asha's persona. It can be very frustrating at times as I try to encourage him to embrace l'll asha since truly, it is part of who he is. When spirit is trash talking asha, I usually try to be understanding of what he is saying but a slight reprimand for him isn't far behind as I point out l'll asha's good points and how exploring her persona will help him feel more complete. When that approach doesn't work, a good paddling helps too. I'm sure that you realize that spirit is a submissive from reading My blog and sometimes putting him back in sub space helps alleviate the tension of his struggle with accepting l'll asha. Everyone has aspects of themselves that they have to eventually accept, and spirit is no execption. With love, understanding, and My easy acceptance of l'll asha, hopefully this will make the transition for spirit easier. Also note that spirit has only acknowledged this side of himself within the last year. As time goes on, it will be easier for him to accept and way more fun to explore. I do hope that in the future, I will be able to go out in public with l'll asha, but only time will tell. spirit has told Me that is a hard limit for him, and at this time, I'll have to agree. But one can never tell what the future holds ;)

As far as sexual role reversal in general society, I don't know if it will completely ever become a female dominated society, even if that would be preference for Me. I believe there will always be male Doms and Female Dommes as there will always be male and female subs and people who fall in between. I would hope to see a more equalization happen between the sexes and that is slowly morphing into being. Who knows how far it will go, but I await with quiet expectation that females will be treated with the respect and opportunities they all deserve by the males in O/our society, regardless of Domme or sub perfernces.

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