Wednesday, September 21, 2005

A rare glimpse of l'il asha

The past few days l’il asha and I have been doing some serious clothes shopping for her. We went to the local thrift store and picked her up some black, patent leather, closed toe sling back shoes, a silky, black bra, a couple of wigs (a short blond and a long brown one) and a French maid outfit (they had one since Halloween is around the corner). A good friend of mine who had an ex-X-dressing boyfriend also contributed to l’il asha’s wardrobe in the last few months. She recently gave asha some make-up, an electric shaver and some x-dressing material for her to read up on. Her toy chest is now complete and the fun will soon begin.

A few weeks back W/we had a make-up application session which will have to be re-taught once again since l’il asha has forgotten some of the basics. In the mean time, I’ve been teaching her how to strut in her new shoes, how to sit like a proper lady and certain mannerisms in suitable feminine behaviour. My, my, but she is a quick study and is progressing along quite nicely.

I always have a grand time when L’il Asha is around but unfortunately that isn’t as often as I would like. she is a shy girl and spirit seems a bit embarrassed by her wanton ways. spirit tries to keep her hidden and discourages her to come out & play…something that I have been working on with him. spirit will say things like, "I hate asha, I’ve killed her, asha is no more" which makes Me slowly whither inside. asha is part of who spirit is and the more that he tries to fight her, the less accepting of himself he will be. I encourage and support spirit to be all of who he is, including asha when she timidly emerges.

But it was not I that instilled l’il asha into spirit’s being. she has always been there, part of spirit. her first uneasy appearance was when he was in his teens. Self imposed repression soon became the norm for spirit to the point he that he was loosing his own sense of self. he was always a sub but soon he became submissive in a negative ways, which impacted how he related to others and the world in general. It’s a terrible thing to be imprisoned in your own mind. Certain choices he made eventually lead him to Me, someone who loved him and gave him permission to he himself. How I long to see that flower bloom completely. It is a long road, but W/we are making progress, growing side by side, gradually becoming the people W/we are meant to be. The challenges ahead are the stepping stones of O/our future. I lovingly look towards them with a glint in My eye and smile on My lips.

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