Tuesday, July 12, 2005

A question of Balance

Balance…a concept that brings to mind a myriad of images: a gymnast on a beam, a scale with equal weights, work vs. play or good vs. evil. Balance is required in O/our daily lives in order to have good health or satisfying relationships. It is a key essential in any relationship but especially important within a D/s relationship. If balance isn’t achieved then it’s pretty much guaranteed that the relationship isn’t going to last. As cliché as it sounds, it is a fine line - one that gets crossed occasionally from both parties. How many times have you heard of ‘topping from the bottom’ in regards to subs? How many times do you hear about Mistress’ being excessively demanding with little regard for Her sub/s? When is too much, too much?

I have recently read posts in some of the various groups that I belong to in regards to this. Within a D/s relationship, ultimately the Mistress has the final say in whatever choice is to be decided. But I find in My relationship that having input from spirit is important to Me so I can make sound decisions in whatever needs to be decided on. It makes for strong relationship. I feel that it is a Mistress’ responsibility to do what is best for the couple, not just what is best for Herself and vis-a-versa.

D/s relationships are consensual. The dominance that a sub look towards in their Mistress, and not just in a sexual sense, makes the bottoms gift of submission that much more intense than any vanilla relationship. Once that balance is tipped one way or the other, resentment and disagreement build until there is very little to base the relationship on. Where does the D/s stop within a 24/7 relationship and the vanilla aspects intrude?

W/we all live in a vanilla world and there are responsibilities within that realm that must take precedence regardless of O/our emotional & physical ties to D/s. Unless you are a Pro-Domme, most people’s work are pretty vanilla. Is it fair for a Mistress to ask her sub to changes careers because it doesn’t fit what she believes in, regardless of the income level? Is quantity vs. quality of D/s playtime worth financial hardships that is may cause some subs or their families? These are hard questions that must be addressed before the D/s relationship develops to any deep level. A sub in one of the groups is facing this very situation and I truly feel for him. he must provide for his Mistress and their family, which he does quite nicely, but the sacrifice is time away from them. If he chooses to change career paths there will be a large financial decrease and his ability to provide will be diminished. I feel that for him this is a no win situation with whatever he decides to do and what a tragedy that is.

I know that within My relationship with spirit, W/we are loving, open and sensitive to each other’s feelings and concerns. I respect spirit as a person, and as My sub I would never do anything to compromise the trust that he has placed in Me to manage O/our lives together. Sometimes the responsibility is overwhelming but with understanding each other’s motivations and O/our mutual goals of making this relationship work, I have the sense that O/our scales are perfectly balanced. I know that W/we will both work hard to maintain that balance too. Love to you spirit.

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