Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The Mythical Domme-Drop

A few Sunday’s ago I did a scene with spirit. spirit had been misbehaving staying up late on the computer role-playing. I don’t mind that he role-plays but what I do mind is not being aware of when he is doing it cause he gets so wrapped up in his fantasy world that he forgets himself in real time and his duties to Me. he is supposed to be chaste for Me but he forgets himself while role-playing and plays with himself. he always regrets this but still finds that he can’t resist. I knew right away that something was up when he came to bed late that evening. What upset Me the most was that I had to drag it out of him, what he had been up to instead of him just telling Me what had been done. When he doesn’t tell Me the truth straight up when I ask him, it just sends Me to the moon…I was so angry. But it wasn’t the time for punishment yet…that had to wait until I was in a calmer frame of mind and him in a more respectful headspace, hence the scene on that Sunday.

Any Mistress can tell you that not every scene is exactly the same. Each one has different depth & different reasons as to why it is performed, whether it’s a play or punishment scene. And certain things, like miscommunication, can make a scene go terribly wrong in a blink of an eye. I felt that I had to do a punishment scene for spirit as I didn’t want bratty behaviour to wreck havoc in O/our relationship. However, I didn’t have My heart in it & the timing was off. I did it cause I felt an unseen obligation as a Domme to do it or spirit would of taken advantage of Me and My control would be diminished, topping from the bottom, so to speak. But in doing so I broke a cardinal rule of Domination. Instead of enjoying My role as a Domme, I was feeling pushed by it, creating a scene that wasn’t good for spirit or Me. he could feel the difference while the flogger was striking his bottom. I wasn’t flogging with love for him but with indifference and it’s totally changed everything in the scene for Me...took the meaning out of it. I also felt that I had pushed spirit’s limits too much which goes against how I feel about being a Gentle Mistress. There is a term called sub-drop when a sub experiences a bad scene or has been pushed too far. I have also heard of this mythical Domme-drop but never thought that I would experience it Myself which is exactly what happened. Everyone has insecurities, top or bottom. Being in a D/s relationship all about discovering who you are and exploring that to the fullest. I guess it also means discovering what doesn’t work too. spirit knew that something was wrong but didn’t know how to address it. I didn’t want to talk about it, being embarrassed by My feelings and loss of control. In the end W/we worked it out through lots of tears and with deep emotional healing for some of the insecurities that W/we both carry which inevitably brought U/us closer together. spirit is a dear heart who can fully let Me be who I am without feeling compromised as an individual, something I am truly grateful for.

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