Tuesday, March 22, 2005

A Message for Subbies

I saw this posted in a group that I belong to and wanted to share it on here. It's very straight up and describes how to make a 'real time' D/s relationship work...happy reading.

You can show true submission by giving your Mistress a very important gift, which is honesty. Honesty means you say what is in your heart, you say the things that you would rather leave unsaid, you say those things that will aid her in dominating you -- a sort of conspiring with your Mistress to undo you through giving your Mistress the information needed. You say the hard things that you think your Mistress doesn't want to hear in such a manner that your Mistress can hear them when they are very important to you. You check inside about your limits and likes, and give all of them up to your Mistress.

Most of all, you retain your individuality and personhood, and you never, ever forget that you are responsible for your own life. If you wear blinders that let you confuse protection for codependence, submission for weakness, adventure for drama, emotion for sentiment, you aren't submitting, you are living in a world of denial. If you do magical thinking, that all you have to do is obey and say yes and then you'll live happily ever after, you've foolishly given up responsibility for your life and that is not true submission. If you don't allow your Mistress to be human and make mistakes and be a pain and moody and weak at times, instead preferring a cardboard cut-out of some notion that says Mistresses are always on call 24/7, they are always strong and know what's best for you, then you've robbed your Mistress of their humanity.

Submission happens when you do your best to be fully human, to actualize your potential, to live and grow and become the best you can be, to acknowledge your personhood -- and then to consciously *decide* to submit. Not to acquiesce or to demur or to say "whatever you want" because you don't have a clue as to what you want for yourself anyway. You come as a fully adult human and you bend your will to anothers. That's submission.

But you can't do it without the work of being an adult. You can't do it while hoping deep inside that this will substitute for adulthood. You can't do it while thinking that the worst struggle you'll ever face again is if you can really handle a bit of limit stretching. The biggest gift of true submission actually has little to do with the D/s relationship itself, although the relationship can help it flourish. The biggest gift of true submission is to grow up, show up, pay attention, and live your own life as an individual. Anything else is make believe.


At 5:05 pm, Anonymous Dwarfeedick said...

So True Mistress Kiki, I appreciate the reminder and your initiative in placing this here

At 2:06 am, Anonymous arun said...

Greetings Mistress Kiki,
One of the best few lines i have ever read about BDSM......so brilliant and eloquent...it really tells about the true essence of BDSM.

i am from chennai and a submissive.


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