Tuesday, March 22, 2005

A Message for Subbies

I saw this posted in a group that I belong to and wanted to share it on here. It's very straight up and describes how to make a 'real time' D/s relationship work...happy reading.

You can show true submission by giving your Mistress a very important gift, which is honesty. Honesty means you say what is in your heart, you say the things that you would rather leave unsaid, you say those things that will aid her in dominating you -- a sort of conspiring with your Mistress to undo you through giving your Mistress the information needed. You say the hard things that you think your Mistress doesn't want to hear in such a manner that your Mistress can hear them when they are very important to you. You check inside about your limits and likes, and give all of them up to your Mistress.

Most of all, you retain your individuality and personhood, and you never, ever forget that you are responsible for your own life. If you wear blinders that let you confuse protection for codependence, submission for weakness, adventure for drama, emotion for sentiment, you aren't submitting, you are living in a world of denial. If you do magical thinking, that all you have to do is obey and say yes and then you'll live happily ever after, you've foolishly given up responsibility for your life and that is not true submission. If you don't allow your Mistress to be human and make mistakes and be a pain and moody and weak at times, instead preferring a cardboard cut-out of some notion that says Mistresses are always on call 24/7, they are always strong and know what's best for you, then you've robbed your Mistress of their humanity.

Submission happens when you do your best to be fully human, to actualize your potential, to live and grow and become the best you can be, to acknowledge your personhood -- and then to consciously *decide* to submit. Not to acquiesce or to demur or to say "whatever you want" because you don't have a clue as to what you want for yourself anyway. You come as a fully adult human and you bend your will to anothers. That's submission.

But you can't do it without the work of being an adult. You can't do it while hoping deep inside that this will substitute for adulthood. You can't do it while thinking that the worst struggle you'll ever face again is if you can really handle a bit of limit stretching. The biggest gift of true submission actually has little to do with the D/s relationship itself, although the relationship can help it flourish. The biggest gift of true submission is to grow up, show up, pay attention, and live your own life as an individual. Anything else is make believe.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Making the time

This last weekend was a busy one for U/us once again but I was still able to make a little time for U/us to play. Sometimes it’s difficult to do this but reinforcing O/our intimate lives is worth the effort. I also find that it’s important to keep some sort of consistency going on in the relationship or well established roles start to become a little bit less defined. Any Mistress who has had to deal with a bratty sub knows exactly what I mean!

There isn’t always the need for a big scene to make an impression on your sub. I’ve been fortunate enough with My training of spirit that I can start to take him to sub-space with minimal intervention. A tonal change in My voice or stroking certain areas of his body is all it takes for him to make him start to take off. his ears and nipples have become highly sensitive to My touch and I can get him erect within 5 minutes with gentle licks (and sometimes not so gentle) pinching and strokes without even touching his member. I have been making him hard in this manner so I can work on his erection training. he has no problem becoming erect but maintaining the erection is where the practice is needed. I’m happy that his erotic feelings are strong for Me but this makes it difficult for him to focus and as a result he cums far too quickly which leaves Me frustrated. I've realized that I have to become more consistent with his milkings. I started some of this type of training last fall but let it slide over the holidays which was a mistake. I was getting good results at that time but now I’m back at square one. I will have to start over and work it back into regular sessions again. The longest he lasted before was 15 minutes but I know he can do much better than that. When I am on top of him, I try to get him to focus on other things without loosing his erection but this can be difficult. It’s like an ‘all or nothing’ mind set. Um, how to train the brain to make the body function at command? It is something that W/we will be exploring over the next little while.

In the meantime, I am planning a special evening for U/us on the 23rd of this month as spirit was originally collared on August 23, 2004. I want to perform a distinctive D/s Bonding ceremony for U/us. spirit knows that it is in the works but has no idea what I am planning. I’ve been finding ideas on the net and have come up with something that will be very unique for U/us to share. W/we have taken O/our vanilla vows, now it is time for U/us to take O/our D/s vows that will carry U/us throughout O/our lives. I will write about it after it is completed so it doesn’t spoil the surprise for spirit. I hope he will be touched as deeply as I know I will be.

Friday, March 11, 2005

Happy Birthday spirit

It has been an interesting couple of weeks since O/our wedding. W/we have both been riding an emotional roller coaster since that day but I’m happy to say that things have finally ironed themselves out. Last week it was spirit feeling anxious, restless, wanting to know what was next. This week it was Me feeling betrayed by discovering yet another ID that spirit has online and finding him involved in activities that I wasn’t aware of. he didn’t think it was a big deal but I do, and flipped the last time that this happened so I couldn’t understand why he thought that I would be ok with it. If I was going to be ‘OK’ with it, why didn’t he tell Me in the first place? You can see how My thinking can spiral downwards quickly. I was very upset. But since that day, W/we have talked things through and worked it out. It started with Me setting some very basic, hard rules that had to be followed daily. So far, spirit has taken to them quite readily and has been performing them well. I am happy with this as it is a necessary step to help re-establish the trust that was lost. I know in My heart, no real mal-intent was aimed at Me with his behavior...spirit truly loves Me and I know this. I feel it every day and with his eagerness to please Me so it will be easy for him to regain what was lost.

Today is spirit’s birthday. I am happy to be able to share this special day with him. I wished him a ‘happy birthday’ as soon as W/we woke up this morning and gave him his card. I bought him a beautiful velour robe but gave it to him last week since he needed it sooner and I didn’t want to wait. he had been wearing My blue robe around the house in the morning and I knew that it would be better for him to have his own. he just loved it too and it looks like it was made just for him. Tonight I’m thinking that My crop might like some kisses to celebrate his birthday also…forget about the ‘birthday bumps’ lol. Happy Birthday spirit, My boy, My love, My friend, My husband, My sub. Kisses and licks to you!

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Relaxation technique

I did a scene on the weekend with spirit to help him relax before the wedding. He was feeling really awful, sickly & anxious and I thought putting him in sub-space for a while would help him a lot.

he had a fever and that is usually caused by constipation, so I decided to give him an enema to clean him out and enhance any anal play later. Just for him to be put into that position, on the floor, naked with himself exposed to Me, waiting for insertion, not really knowing what to expect but trusting in Me put him in sub-space more quickly than I expected. I made it into a bit of a ritual, having him assume My worship position & wait for Me, filling the bottle & making sure that the water isn’t too hot, lubing up his anus, the gentle insertion and then the water flowing in. It took about 4 minutes for the bottle to empty inside him. After it was complete, he was allowed to sit on his towel, holding the water inside until he couldn’t anymore. As I stood in front him while he was on the toilet, the humiliation and embarrassment of Me being with him while he emptied himself was paramount. he looked up in My eyes as I held him, overwhelmed with feelings. Along with the waste being emptied from his body, his stress and anxiety started to release too as he visibly relaxed. In the end I left him to finish cleaning himself and save some dignity for himself. But I wasn’t through…I wanted to make sure he was truly clean so I did the procedure again. It was easier the second time as he was more relaxed and eager to be filled up again. I stayed with him as he eliminated his waste as before. His first comment to Me as he came into the bedroom later was how relaxed he felt and how his anus felt a bit swollen but wonderful. I checked him out, and decided that it was an excellent time for anal training. I used a butt plug that I’m training him with right now so I can work up to using the strap on. he was amazed at how easily it slipped in, and how good it felt. his training is coming along nicely as he is able to take more & more each time. I allowed him to service Me orally for a while, and then let him release also. W/we cuddled and caressed each other after the scene was completed. he said that after he was so relaxed that he felt drunk, so incredibly good. I am considering making this a regular scene for U/us since it turned out so well this time.

I also want to make a note here that I am not into scat play at all, but enemas can be a form of erotic anal play. It definitely helps relax the anal muscles to further any other forms of anal insertions.

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