Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Vandalism

There was a bit of an unsettling incident that happened at My place yesterday. When I came home last night I noticed the window in My laundry room was broken. A taped up rubber ball was thrown threw it. I think that it might of happened the night before while I was in bed as I did hear a bang but I thought that it was just the neighbours in the suite below Me being a bit loud. I live in an attic suite in an old character house so I know that this was more than likely a deliberate act as the broken window is about 14 feet above the ground on the third level. Honestly, it has left Me a bit shaken. I used to date a man that I had met online in a vanilla way who didn’t like the fact after a few dates that I wasn’t interested in him. In a momentary lapse of reason, I made the mistake of giving him My home number instead of My cell number and showed him where I lived. When I told him I wasn’t interested in him, he started to harass Me online and then threatened numerous time to come to My place. It was all power play on his part because he couldn’t handle that I didn’t want to be with him. I had thought that I had heard the last of him about a year ago but then he started bothering Me online last month again. I had blocked him numerous times but he kept switching online ID’s and accounts. I usually knew within a few minutes of talking to someone if it was him or not. I was tired of being super detective so I decided to change My online ID and account. I thought that this would be the end of it. Well in the last few weeks I’ve been receiving phone calls with the caller hanging up a few times a day and now the window-breaking incident. Perhaps I am jumping to conclusions in thinking that this is related to that nutty person; truly it could be just a random act of vandalism. Either way, it makes Me want spirit to be with Me more than ever. It doesn’t matter if you are a Mistress or not, being a single woman in a large city can be scary at times. I was speaking with spirit last night about it and he tried to make Me feel better by changing the subject and joking around. But I felt that he was just being bratty and started to get annoyed with his manner. Now that it is a day later I understand what he was trying to do but at the time My emotional brain was taking over and I felt that he was minimizing My feelings about the situation. It’s frustrating when you are not both on the same page. In the end it was all good and I do appreciate what he was trying to do. In a few days all this won’t matter as much since he will be with Me by My side and living with Me. I look forward to that day.

Monday, January 24, 2005

By My side again

I saw spirit on Saturday and W/we spent a wonderful day together. It was good to see him in his collar again and to have him at My feet. He was most eager to please Me anyway he could think of but I needed to get to work on his punishment list. It has been said that I am much too lenient with him and it was time to make sure he was reminded of his place. Just because the punishment doesn’t happen right away it doesn’t mean that is forgotten about or that the sub got away with the transgressions. I chose to spank him with a wooden paddle from My kitchen, 3 spanks to each cheek, so as to not overwhelm him. It was painful but he took it well and I comforted him after as I always do when a punishment has been administered. This took off only one item from his list but at least it is a start. I feel that he is turning into a bit of a pain slut (he’s enjoying it too much!) so I have come up with a few other ideas of punishment. his list is long, so I will have to get real creative but I know that whatever I choose will be just as effective. I’m sure there will be a time when punishment is a rare thing but until then I have to maintain the standard set.

W/we played a bit later and watched a movie, just enjoying being close together. Next week he will be moving in with Me and W/we are both looking forwards to that. It will help U/us grow as individuals and as a couple living in a 24/7 D/s relationship. W/we are both supportive of each other’s endeavors that will enrich O/our lives and contribute to a positive loving relationship.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Transitions

I haven’t seen spirit since last Sunday and I am missing his presence. We attended the Taboo Sex Show with some friends that day. It was a fun time watching some of the shows, viewing all the toys and just enjoying being with each other. When W/we came home, W/we were wiped out and decided to rest in bed for a while. Once warmed from O/our bodies & play, it was comforting just to be near My sub. he is very precious to Me and when he is away from Me for this length of time, My heart grows heavy. I know that there is a reason behind it, (some family obligations and such) but still it is a long time to be apart. In the meantime W/we have talked online and on the phone but it doesn’t have the same effect as in person.

It is a major time of transition for both of U/us and I should truly relish My time apart from him. Next week he will be moving in with Me and My personal time will be limited for sure. But I will enjoy his company as W/we look forwards to O/our future together. spirit also started a new job this week and it happens to be in the same field as I am in. It’s not his hearts desire but for now, it will help with daily living expenses. I know it will make him feel better to contribute to O/our living arrangements. Big changes but I think W/we are up for the challenge.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Going forward...

This has been a very emotional week for Me and for U/us as a couple. I had found out a few things about spirit that I felt were inappropriate within O/our relationship that had to be clarified most urgently. First was his behaviour towards Me when things were not going in his favor, his somewhat disrespectful attitude to Me at times and the anger that followed. I had mentioned in here before that spirit had been late to see Me on scheduled visit days before and how I thought that I addressed that issue. Well it blew up again last Sunday. spirit was supposed to be at My place at 10:00 am and he didn’t arrive until almost 2:00 pm. I was quite upset and it tainted O/our visit that day. Second was that the next day I received an email from him disclosing all the other ID’s that he had on Yahoo with some of them still being active. I DID know that he role played on line and I had no problem with that. But I obviously didn’t understand the nature of the role play because if I had I would have never been comfortable with it. Some of the role play he engaged in was with Gor. Not understanding fully what Gor was, I didn’t know that part of the play was serving other online Mistresses if you were a sub. Needless to say I flipped out. I couldn’t understand how he would find it acceptable to serve these other Mistresses regardless if it was online or not when he now is collared to a ‘real time – full time’ Mistress. I found it exceedingly disrespectful and it seemed like O/our relationship didn’t mean much to him. I have to admit though that I am a ‘hot head’ at times and I have jumped to incorrect conclusions before. So I decided to calm down, breathe and give him a chance to explain himself in person before I made any major decisions that could affect O/our future together. he explained to Me that he didn’t feel that anything role played online was real to him so he didn’t think it was an issue. But I was having an issue when tasks were being assigned to him that he was completing for these Mistresses offline. I wondered if these tasks were cutting into O/our relationship and time spent with each other. Didn’t these Mistresses know he was collared real time and if not, why he didn’t tell them. he stated that he had told them about his real Mistress and had stopped doing any tasks requested by them a few weeks into O/our relationship. he reassured Me that there are no other Mistresses, that I am his One and Only Mistress, that he loves Me with all his heart and that if he had realized how strongly I was opposed to his actions he would of told Me of this information much sooner. He apologized profusely for being late and not disclosing the role play info and I, being a kind heart and so very much in love with him, could only forgive him. But not without having some firm rules set. They are:

I expect that you serve Me only.
I expect punctuality when you are to see Me.
I expect you to do tasks right way when requested, no whining.
I expect you to learn the positions that I teach you and perfect them
for Me and not have to keep reminding you of them.
I expect you to refrain from masturbation while away from Me
and if you can not, to disclose it to Me immediately when W/we talk again.
I expect you to take responsibility for your actions, not always at the
end of My crop.
I expect you to treat Me with respect at all times, even if angry, as I treat you the same.

I am positive that this is a firm base to work from to go forwards in O/our relationship.

W/we went out for dinner to discuss all aspects of O/our feelings for each other and the relationship. And even though at times W/we were both fustrated with each other, in the end W/we came to the agreement that, yes, W/we love each other, O/our bond is strong and deep and it is in O/our best interests to work on O/our relationship by always keeping the lines of communication open. W/we made it back to My place not too frozen but still wanted to warmed up in bed. W/we both actually napped for a while, warm from O/our bodies being close together but also warm from the knowledge that W/we truly have found something special with each O/other.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Toy Shopping

Last Thursday spirit met up with Me at the skytrain station after I was finished work. It was nice to see him as W/we hadn't been able to spend any time together since the previous Sunday. I could tell that he was excited to see Me too, as I could feel his heart pounding through his chest when W/we hugged in greeting. I have yet to establish a proper greeting ritual that I would deem acceptable in public. Perhaps a kiss on the hand or a more formal gesture, something along those lines...I will have to think on this. But for now a hug is always welcome on a cold day.

I was supposed to go to an appointment downtown but it was cancelled due to the weather. It actually snowed here and yes, it did stay and is still is here a few days later which is unusual for the south coast. I wasn't able to let spirit know that the appointment was cancelled so I decide to continue on with O/our previous plans which was to go 'toy' shopping with him downtown. he told Me that he had been looking forwards to shopping all week and was happy to have a part in the choosing of what toys to buy. There are numerous adult stores in the area of town where W/we were going. The store that W/we finally chose to purchase from, Ultra Love, had the best selection and most knowledgeable staff. W/we have been exploring anal play recently and decided to take it to the next level and get a strap-on. W/we both talked about it indepth and felt that is was something that was exciting to both of U/us. With careful choosing W/we picked a leather harness strap-on with a 6" dong. W/we thought that it would be a good starter strap-on. Some strap-ons have the dong built right in them but for U/us I wanted to be able to have some variety with O/our play.
The harness W/we bought is quite versitile as it allows for different sizes of dongs to be inserted in it. It will be mainly used with spirit but sometimes he has a difficult time maintaining an erection inside 'sub-space' so I may choose to have him use it on Me also. That's the one thing about O/our play sessions, everything that I do with him I have experienced so I know how it feels, if it's good or not so great, so W/we can attain a greater level of sexual satifaction. A sexually satified couple, whether in D/s or vanilla share a deeper bond and have a happier relationship. The key is balance to make sure that both of T/their desires are being fufilled which will lead to better understanding of each individual.

When W/we came back to My place, W/we were frozen but I couldn't wait to try on O/our new toy. It was a perfect fit and spirit said I looked sexy in it as he kneeled at My feet touching it. I wasn't in the mood to actually play with it that night but just knowing that W/we now have it available to use is a big turn on. After the mini fashion show W/we decided to hop into bed to warm up. spirit was like a little heater, touching Me all over with hot fingers and mouth. In no time
O/our bodies were generating enough heat to take off the winter chill that had set in earlier that day.

I'm happy that W/we were able to add to O/our toy collection. I have made a 'wish list' of all the other toys that W/we are interested in buying as time goes on and O/our exploration continues. There is a sex show here in the next few weeks showcasing clothing, toys and workshops. I will be attending and hope that spirit will be able to join Me. I'm sure it will be a rewarding experience for both of U/us.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Our day together

When spirit finally arrived on Sunday, I had a few things planned for U/us to enjoy. W/we did some regular activities such as baking, shopping and going for a walk but I also had a bit of training and play lined up for him.

W/we have been in O/our relationship for a fairly long time but I had not trained spirit in a proper greeting ritual and figured it was high time to set one up. he is collared however, when he is away from My presence the collar is removed and kept with Me. I gifted him with a necklace at Christmas time so that he knows his place and is always reminded of who he belongs to. But W/we also respect the symbol that the collar represents, so I wanted to established a ritual around it. When he enters My place he is to go to a specific spot, kneel with legs apart, bum on heels, head looking down with palms upraised in submission. He must stay there until I place the collar upon him. Once this is complete, he is to raise his bum off his heels and hug Me, (still kneeling), look into My eyes and say "Thank you Mistress, for allowing me to be in your collar again." Whereas I respond, "you are most welcome spirit, the collar is the symbol of O/our commitment to each other." W/we also will work on a parting ritual soon.

When a Mistress collars a sub it is not to be taking lighty. The sub enters an agreement that he is now owned by that Mistress just as the Mistress agrees to care and cherish that sub. It is a relationship that has gone to the next level, that is based on openess, communication & trust. A Mistress may release the sub if the relationship isn't working or meeting Her expectations just as it is a subs right to ask to be released if it isn't working for him. It is always up to the Mistress to grant the release and if it is not granted the sub must remain with Her until She permits him to leave. Personally, if spirit ever asked to be released, I would let him go as I wouldn't want to keep someone bound to Me against his will. One thing about D/s relationships is that it is supposed to be a consensual agreement, especailly regarding the level of play. If the consensual aspect of it slips away then it has become abusive. I would hope a sub in that sort of situation would have enough common-sense to get out of it as quickly as possible. But I digress....

I was glad to see the happiness in spirit's eyes when W/we perfomed the new greeting ritual. Now every time he comes to My place, it is to be completed. If it is not, or if I need to remind him, it will go in to his 'punishment list', which has been growing as of late. There are some ways in which he can delete items from the list, such as a good session of foot worship and perhaps some new positions that he will need to learn to ask for forgiveness. I consider Myself a gentle Domme and perhaps sometimes a bit to lenient with spirit. Don't get Me wrong, he will get the crop if he misbehaves but I am quick to sooth his hurts and emotions after the session. I know that he appreciates the kindness I show him and in turn does try his very best to please Me in his own way. He is a treasured sub...I care for him very much :).

After baking in mid afternoon I felt like being worshiped and playing a bit too. An online friend into D/s had told Me about prostrate milking, how it is performed and what results to expect etc. I had been exploring anal play with spirit but wanted to take it the next level armed with this new info. When a person is sexually aroused their tolerance of pain is hightened and quite often what in normal circumstances would be painful becomes highly erotic. I was told of a way to milk the prostrate from the inside of the anus, it depended on the insertion angle of the vibrator. When the prostrate is stimulated on the inside of the anus to a certain level, a clear liquid will dribble out of the head of the penis, usually in large amounts but it depends on the individual. That liquid is like gun powered in a gun, without much of it, it's hard to fire the bullets. Plainly, the more clear 'pre-cum' that is drained, the harder it is for the guy to get off. It helps maintain the level of submission with your sub by keeping him horny but unable to release. Nature's own chasity devise???? Who knows but from spirits moans and erection, I could tell he was throughly enjoying himself regardless. W/we have to explore this more, but there is plenty of time for that. Eventually I want O/our level of anal play to include a strap-on for Me to play with him. W/we are going shopping for one on Thursday and I'm looking forwards to that.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

New Year - New Beginnings

I woke up this morning with the sunshine streaming through My window which is a true blessing in this rainy city. It is an omen to Me of all the good things that I hope will come in this New Year.

Today, spirit is supposed to be at My side, however, he has yet to arrive. This is one thing that has been an issue between U/us since the day W/we met. he seems to lack the concept of time but I also wonder if this is just a man thing as it seems to be an issue for many Women. I find it interesting that men will be on time for work, for a hockey game or any sporting event, to meet up with their buddies for a beer but when it comes to their Women lots of men drag their feet. This behaviour shows Me that some of their priorities are mixed up and it's even more concerning in a D/s relationship. Punishment works only to a certain degree...the sub has to find a way to keep the commitments he makes to his Mistress or not make them at all. Also, it's a Mistress' duty to know her sub well enough so that if he offers to do something that he is unable perform then She will let him know that She is aware of his inablity to do what he says and drop it. Sometimes a sub feels so much for his Mistress and wants to do everything for Her. He will promise to go to heaven and bring back the moon. The Mistress must make sure that no unrealistic standards are set up or only confusion and disappointment will follow for both of T/them.

In any relationship, Women like to be considered a top priority or at least in the top three. When She has fallen below that level, I feel that there are a few things happening: She is being taken for granted, the man has or is loosing interest in Her or he has lost focus or direction in his life. With spirit, I know his feelings and interest for Me are strong but with him, sometimes I feel he is a bit unfocused. This shows up in little ways such as being late or canceling at the last moment to see Me. he knows what he wants in his life but is unable to see how to get there from here. I hope that I will be able to help and support him in this area. I know he will eventually find a plan that works and I am confident that I will be part of it. When W/we are together, I do not doubt his devotion for Me at all. Ah, spirit just called Me and is on his way here. He left Me an offline message yesterday to say that he will be here at 10:00 am but it is already 11:15 am. It will take him an hour to get here ~sigh~. But I will see him soon enough and I know he will be apologetic about being late. I hope I can impress upon him that this is unacceptable behaviour with a few kisses from My crop. ;)

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