Monday, May 09, 2011

A Question of Multiple Subs

There are always a few questions that float around in My mind in regards to the submissives that I speak with online who request online service or desire to meet Me. They are always to eager at first, wanting to make a good impression but will that eagerness reveal itself to be not as previous presented when it comes to a real time situation?

I have found in the past that having an online submissive rarely works for Me. While I enjoy developing friendships with them, the requests to have them on cam playing with themselves for My apparent enjoyment leaves Me a little flat. Unless I have had actual experiences with them, I find no true enjoyment from watching them do whatever they think I desire of them. (I can do this for you Mistress. Would you like to see that?) Personally, I want to be the one doing the play, making them squirm and feel like the submissive's they truly are. Also having an online sub demands a lot of online time which I do not have. Since attention is what an online submissive craves, when I can't be available to them (even though it should be the other way around), they become bored, disillusioned and move on. So much for online servitude.

So what it comes down to for Me is a few basic questions...what makes a good submissive? What makes a submissive want to serve? What services can a sub really be expected to deliver on?

As many Mistress' can attest, an eager sub will offer the moon. I have been sent many lists of what the sub likes and all the sexual services they can offer in so called anticipation of My needs. However, a submissive with an attitude of service asks what the Mistress desires and does not assume what she would like based on their personal needs. A service sub enjoys pleasing a Mistress in general ways, such a sweeping the floor or cleaning the bathroom. A foot slave will drool over the thought of worshiping those precious toes and feel fulfilled by doing so. Does the service sub or any other type desire reward? Of course, but that is always up the Mistress' discretion as to what level of reward is given. A submissive must prove worthy of such rewards. Sometimes, just giving the submissive positive attention, which they all crave is usually enough.

Is it fair to have expectations that exceed the limits of the sub? Can one sub really fulfill all the desires of the Mistress & is it fair to even expect that?

While it is expected to push and test a submissive's soft limit's, some limits cannot be pushed and that can lead to stress within the D/s relationship. I believe that no one person can fulfill every expectation in a relationship, and to think so is unrealistic, especially in a D/s one. This is why that I believe that having at least one other submissive works well in the D/s setting, at least in a play partner capacity.

At present, I have a primary male submissive, a secondary female submissive and a submissive t-girl play partner. Each brings something different to the D/s dynamic which one person could not give. Sometimes it can be challenging dealing with the different personalities and schedules, but then everyone does that every day in regular vanilla relationships so it's really not so different. The pro's definitely out weight the cons. Each relationship while similar, are so different which makes exploring the realms of D/s that much more intense and deep.

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Saturday, January 22, 2011

Spanking - an Essential part of a D/s relationship

The following is an excerpt from an article that I read online in regards to Spanking Therapy. While I agree with the premise of the article, this type of therapy is far from new, it was just preformed more quietly on a personal level behind closed doors rather than going to a, umm, 'therapist'.

"Spanking therapy is a controversial and somewhat new theory that suggests that some adults have an emotional need for physical discipline (spanking) on a regular basis. Such therapy serves as a punishment for misdeeds, as well as a reminder to focus on one's goals and responsibilities. All forms of spanking therapy are only effective when the person receiving the therapy understands and accepts that they require it.
Spanking therapy are regular therapy sessions where spanking is used as a tool to reinforce positive behavior. Spanking therapy is only effective when the one receiving the therapy has expressed a need for it. Spanking therapy is usually given weekly, at a set date and time. This allows the therapy recipient to always be expecting another session, thus encouraging him or her to continue to focus on their positive behavior, even when not getting spanked. A session normally begins with a verbal discussion where the spankee is expected to give a report of the week's behavior with a concentration on any events or behaviors that might require a change in the spanking session (harder or lighter session). The spanker is responsible for giving a clear directive as to what areas the subject is expected to continue to work on (for example: Finding a job, losing weight, stop swearing, etc.) before the spanking begins. The spanking may be given with the hand, or with an appropriate instrument such as a paddle. Have the spankee get to the state of undress you have agreed upon (usually bare-bottom, but may be underpants if nudity is an issue), and put him or her into the position for spanking (over the knee, bent over the bed, etc.). Then calmly explain what he/she is being spanked for and what needs to be done to avoid it in the future."

I don't agree with the last line in this article as most of the people that I have spanked don't want to avoid it. In fact, they crave it and try to be on the best behavior to receive it more. In the end, it's all about what works best for you to get the best behaviour from your submissive.

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Tuesday, March 09, 2010

What Is In A Name

In one of the groups that I belong to, a conversation thread of what is in a name in regards to numerology came up. While I took time choosing the name that I would wear in the BDSM community, I didn't consider this aspect of the name I choose. There are many online sites available that can provide quick calculations. When I put My name in, below are the results that were pulled up. After reading it through, I've come to realise that I intuitively picked a very powerful and truthful name to wear. As I consider Myself a gentle Domme, I found the the numerology surrounding My name to be most appropriate.

You entered: Mistress Kika

There are 12 letters in your name.
Those 12 letters total to 46
There are 4 vowels and 8 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 1

The characteristics of #1 are: Initiating action, pioneering, leading, independent, attaining, individual.

The expression or destiny for #1:
A number 1 Expression denotes the skilled executive with keen administrative capabilities. You must develop the capacity to be a fine leader, sales executive, or promoter. You have the tools to become an original person with a creative approach to problem solving, and a penchant for initiating action. Someone may have to follow behind you to handle the details, but you know how to get things going and make things happen. You have a good mind and the ability to use it for your advancement. Because of these factors, you have much potential for achievement and financial rewards. Frequently, this expression belongs to one running a business or striving to achieve a level of accomplishment on ones talents and efforts. You have little need for much supervision, preferring to act on your own with little restraint. You are both ambitious and determined. Self-confident and self-reliant must be yours, as you develop a strong unyielding will and the courage of your convictions.

Although you fear loneliness, you want to be left alone. You fear routine and being in a rut. You often jump the gun because you are afraid of being left behind.

The 1 has a natural instinct to dominate and to be the boss; adhering to the concept of being number One. You do not have to be overly aggressive to fulfill your destiny.

Your Soul Urge number is: 6

A Soul Urge number of 6 means:
With a number 6 Soul Urge, you would like to be appreciated for your ability to handle responsibility. Your home and family are likely to be a strong focus for you, perhaps the strongest focus of your life. Friendship, love, and affection are high on your list of priorities for a happy life. You have a lot of diplomatic tendencies in your makeup, as you a able to rectify and balance situations with an innate skill. You like working with people rather than by yourself. It is extremely important for you to have harmony in your environment at all times.

The positive side of the 6 Soul Urge produces a huge capacity for responsibility; you are always there and ready to assume more than your share of the load. If you possess positive 6 Soul Urges and express them, you are known for your generosity, understanding and deep sympathetic attitude. Strong 6 energy is very giving of love, affection, and emotional support. You may have the inclination to teach or serve your community in other idealistic ways. You have natural abilities to help people. You are also likely to have artistic and creative leanings.

Your Inner Dream number is: 22

An Inner Dream number of 22 means:
You dream of being a master organizer and a builder of monumental projects; of guiding a truly huge endeavor. Your secret fantasy is to think big and imagine what could be done for the world. You may also dream of the huge rewards.

I was fortunate to pick a name that was so unwittingly suited to My nature. It is wise to put time and thought into choosing a name for a submissive to make it a true representation of themselves.

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Saturday, February 27, 2010

A Night at Sin City

A while ago, My girl and I had the pleasure of attending a local night club that hosts fetish nights 2 Saturday’s a month, called Sin City. While I had attended these fetish nights before, it was the first time for My girl to join Me; to see and been seen within the BDSM community. We both looked forward to the evening with much anticipation.

Being corset night at the club, I wore a black velveteen mesh corset with a pvc mini skirt and black lace up, pvc platform boots. She was in a ruby red corset with a black mini and thigh high, black leather boots with collar, of course. While I do not have this girl collared yet, I felt that having her wear one while we are out in the community would show that she is under consideration by Me and that she would be under My protection for the night. We were now ready to have some fun!

We arrived early not only to avoid the line up, but to have this inquisitive girl check out her surroundings so she could feel more comfortable. I picked one of the few couches in the club to lounge on and people watch as the patrons start to arrive. With DJ Pandemonium spinning a fantastic mix of tunes and the variety of people wearing their fetish best, the atmosphere soon became electric. The thumping beat mimicked the vibe and excitement that we were both feeling.

After a couple of drinks, I decided it was time of mingle and view the small dungeon area that is set up in the upper level. It is equipped with an ‘X’, spanking bench, rack and a rigged up, old pool table for light knife play or whatever may come to mind. It is monitored by a couple of dungeon masters with a small viewing area to enjoy the public play. While My girl was very intrigued with watching others play, not to mention both of us feeling a heightened erotic response, I choose not to play with her this evening. After all, I didn’t want to overwhelm the girl with sensation overload being new to the club and the scene in general.

Wandering around the club, we chatted with a few people, as a noticed a few of the regulars in attendance. An occasional play partner of Mine was there and I made introductions between him and My girl. He is such a warm and friendly person, she soon noticeably relaxed within his presence. As we moved on to the downstairs area where a different DJ mixes tunes, it was time to have another drink and to join the frenzied dancing on the floor. After a few songs, we went back up to the main dance floor, where there are props and a small stage to dance on, if someone wants to really get their groove on. The vibe was incredible; bodies moving to the sound and flashing lights, all of us pumping and grinding to the rhythm as one. My girl felt welcomed and part of this dynamic, alternative community.

As the hours grew late, we had to gather out things and make our way home. Hot and sweaty, glowing with the energy of the club we made it back to My place for a sweet night cap of spankings, bondage and light play. I could think of no better way to end the night or spend the evening. It was a defining moment in our relationship, one we both will remember for some time to come.

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Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Feminine Mystic

~ The feather brush of a pair of lips on the nape of the neck, a sigh of breathe that sends shivers across a breast, a finger tip tracing the contours of the flesh, the delicious scent of a woman, and tantalizing tastes for the tongue ~

So many desires went unfulfilled as I yearned to find a female submissive over the years. I tried searching the available fetish networking sites to find that distinctive woman, but that elusive connection that I sought after did not seem to materialize as quickly as I had first envisioned. Time flowed and interests turned to other aspects of the lifestyle. However, it didn’t decrease that passion to re-experience a female touch.

I had been with women in the past, but it was strictly in a vanilla way. While that was satisfactory at that time, since I discovered the lifestyle, I had wanted to explore the depths of desire with a female submissive. I always thought it would be an intense experience but nothing prepared Me for the girl that has come into My life.

I posted an ad on a local website, a first for Me, just looking to connect with a kinky woman, to see if things could blossom in to something more. While I had hoped to be able to explore a little BDSM with whoever came My way, I had told Myself that I would be content with just having a girl in My life, to share that unique bond that only two women can share. My BDSM desires could always be fulfilled by spirit or the other male submissives that I play with on occasion. While hopeful, I had low expectations of how extensive I could play, as it was almost a ‘vanilla’ posting. But I should know by now, that jumping into something with no expectations is the best way to approach anything or any relationship. No expectations, no disappointments; the only way to go from there is up.

We met within a week of her answering My post, after numerous emails and chatting on MSN. We exchanged photos, and she was in thigh high black boots in the first photo that she sent to Me, which was an encouraging sign. 'Perhaps I may get a little of what I was hoping to find,' I thought to Myself. As it turns out, I got a whole lot more than I could have ever imagined. This girl was interested in exploring BDSM and while she did not have much experience, was eager to learn about the wonders that this lifestyle held.

Our first experiences was involved spanking and nipple play. While she was uncertain of how much she could endure, over time, this has become part of the aspects of our play time that she now craves. Whether by hand, crop or flogger, she needs this kind of attention on a regular basis. I’ve had her restrained, cuffed & bound, eager and willing to explore everything that I can give her. I totally love playing with her this way. I know I enter into My Domme space when I’m with her and I’ve been able to take her into her sub space. It’s deep, intense, and almost tantric. As she says, she feels it’s highly addictive and I have to agree with her there. As an added bonus, we are developing an enjoyable friendship, where we can hang out, go to dance clubs, out for dinner and such. I have a distinct feeling that she will become in integral part of My life as this new path unfolds.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

An Evening Encounter

On a chill spring evening, I had the pleasure of meeting up with one of My kinkster friends for an impromptu get together. We had been speaking quite frequently and had recently met up at a club for our first a public play session. On this evening as we chatted online, our conversation turned to more of what we both enjoyed about BDSM and our relative experiences within it and the local community. After a while, we decide to hang out and continue the conversation in person.

I picked him up with the hopes of going out for a coffee or to a pub for a drink, but after driving around for a while we realized that there wasn’t any place were we could go to speak comfortably with each about the topics we wanted to discuss. When the situation warrants it, I will be discreet and unassuming so as to not draw unwanted attention to Myself or who I am with in the vanilla world. So after driving around for what seems like an exorbitant amount of time, we decided to get a six pack and enjoy some in-depth tête-à-tête by a local river. We walked around the park and ended up at the play area were we sat for a time on the play fort. We talked long into the sunset through twilight as the stars started to show themselves in the evening sky. I had delicious visions of this boy tied up and suspended from the monkey bars as we spoke…such a distraction he was. Personal history, ambitions and goals were shared between us, along with likes, dislikes, limits and desires yet to be experienced. The talk flowed unencumbered as common ground was established and smiles flashed. Ummm, I wondered as to what kind of naughtiness we could get ourselves into.

As the night fully embraced us, the temperature dropped and we decided to head back to My car to keep a bit warmer. Instead of using the heater though, I had My own ideas how to warm us up. We climbed into the back seat, Myself in the middle with this appetizing boy kneeling across My lap. There wasn’t much room to play the exact way I would have liked to, but improv is an excellent way to acquire more skills. I love it when a boy or girl gives up their body to play with and use exactly how you want to use it; it’s such a turn on. This boy had smooth flesh, so soft and perfect for spanking. Since space limitations didn’t allow for a crop (or even my baby flogger), I went old school, pulled his underwear down and enjoyed giving him a good hand spanking while caressing his jewels during the breaks. To hear him moan as I yanked his head back by a handful of hair as a hard smack was delivered in time with his ass was such sweet music to My ears. As his moans increases and the energy became more electric, I brought out a little toy that I could pack around, a silver bullet vibrator. As I ran that over his jewels and caressed his ass with it, he began to quiver and shake. In such a venerable state, he looked just so luscious; I couldn’t help but lightly bite that ass that was enjoying My administrations so much. I grabbed his long hair and pulled his head back again as I asked him how he was enjoying himself. No words really needed to be said as I could tell by the glazed look in his eyes he was in his own little world. I also felt wetness on My pants as this boy was dripping like a leaky faucet. He was loving every minute of it and so was I. In the heat of the moment, I couldn’t resist taking a few kisses and licks on that juicy mouth of his. The passion was electric and highly charged considering the venue. I made him kneel up so I could have him fully display himself and see his member standing at full attention. I allowed him to touch Myself, but only briefly and above the waist as he was My toy and not the other way around. This frustrated him a bit but he was compliant as any good boy should be. I pushed him off My lap and back into the seat while I caressed him, used him with My hands and mouth, this boy as My toy, to do exactly what he was told. What an intense and intoxifying experience.

As I drove home after I dropping him off later, a quote came to My mind. It goes: I might not have ended up where I intended to go, but find Myself where I am supposed to be. This is very fitting for this night and I guess it applies to a lot of My experiences in this D/s journey. I may plan, but in the end, whatever will be, just is, as I enrich Myself, one experience at a time.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Public Play with a New Subbie

Since I have been expanding on My BDSM experiences, I decided to take it up a notch and have a public play session at a local club with a new friend of Mine who is into the local fetish scene.

I met him on a kinkster networking site called FetLife. If you haven’t had a chance to check it out, do so! It’s a fantastic resource to either talk in discussion groups with like minded people, to get up-to-date information on whatever local events are going on in your area or to get connected with your local fetish community. We soon discovered after exchanging photos & chatting for a few weeks that we have a lot of common interests and that we would be interested in exploring them with each other. With spirit in tow, I went to the SinCity Fetish night to meet up with him for the first time to see if we had that real time connection that we seemed to be developing online.

When I arrived at the club with spirit, we relaxed into to the ambiance of the evening. SinCity has a vibrant and lively clientele which can be full of surprises. I decided to hang back a bit before seeking My pet out. I was interested in watching him, to see how he moved within the environs & interacted with others. He is well known in the scene and can understand why. He has an open and energetic attitude, one that can be serious but playful at the same time….an enticing combination, indeed. After a while I finally approached him, and when we made contact, he welcomed Me with a warm smile and affectionate embrace. He promptly whisked Me away around the club to introduce Me to all of his many friends. Once concluded, we spoke briefly to make plans to get together at the dungeon play area a bit later.

I went to re-join spirit & gave him lots of attention to reinforce his position with Me. Some may think that this may be cruel to spirit, to leave him alone while I go off and play later. However, it was a packed club, he is a social person and completely understands the parameters of our relationship. It was in this knowledge that we came together. It is also what defines and establishes our connection, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Soon after I made My way to the dungeon space and reconnected with My pet while he made the arrangements to use the equipment provided. Wow, I wish I had a few of these pieces in My own place! I brought My baby black leather flogger which seems quite unassuming but has a wicked sting when welded with precision. We went to the horse bench and My pet completely undressed to his underwear, which surprised Me but was also encouraging. Yes, he was serious about getting his ass spanked and flogged, something that made Me tingle all over :). As he assumed the position, I let the tendrils of My flogger lightly caress his bare torso, dragging it over his ass, down his jewels (which made him pleasantly shiver), over the back of his legs, right down to the bottoms of his feet. It’s a technique that I use to get the flesh prepared for the lashes that are to soon come. The light spider-like touches brings a certain amount of electricity to the surface of the skin, making it highly responsive to touch. I loved watching his body twitching with the slight strokes and inwardly smiled as I knew how he would react once I My flogger licked his ass. After few minutes of this, and checking in with him as to how he was feeling, the first blow landed dead center in his butt, hard and stinging. His body tense with the impact of it, but relaxed once I rubbed his sensitive skin with My free hand. I continued to walk around him lightly touching all areas of his body, grabbing his hair and jerking his head up. ‘Do you like it, My boy?’ I inquired. ‘Yes, Mistress, I love your touch,’ he whispered. I breathed in his ear that he was My bitch tonight and that he would completely love it, to which his husky response was, ‘yes Mistress’. We played for about ½ an hour, through caresses and stinging hits, with Me turning around the flogger to tapping his ass with the handle of it, like a crop, flogging his body in a figure 8 from his torso to the soles of his feet. Yes, he would remember Me when he walked around tomorrow, I would make sure of that.

While playing for a short time normally doesn’t always put the sub into sub space, it was just a taste of some of the delights that awaited him if we choose to continue to play on a regular basis. I actually got a quite charge out of being watched by the other patrons waiting to use the equipment, a completely new experience for Me. I was pleased with how the scene went and noticed that he was too through his languid smile. While the play may not have been to the level we both would have liked, we came away from it with a good sense of what could be. In the end, it showed Me that we did have the physical chemistry to perhaps take this to new depths. With an tender embrace, we parted ways for the evening even though we bumped into each other numerous times in the club that night. It was time for Me to make spirit feel a bit special. He was happy that I was able to enjoy the scene with My pet and to experience something new as he is not into public play. Oh My, I think I have unleashed something within Myself which will have to fed on a regular basis.:)

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