The Feminine Mystic

~ The feather brush of a pair of lips on the nape of the neck, a sigh of breathe that sends shivers across a breast, a finger tip tracing the contours of the flesh, the delicious scent of a woman, and tantalizing tastes for the tongue ~

So many desires went unfulfilled as I yearned to find a female submissive over the years. I tried searching the available fetish networking sites to find that distinctive woman, but that elusive connection that I sought after did not seem to materialize as quickly as I had first envisioned. Time flowed and interests turned to other aspects of the lifestyle. However, it didn’t decrease that passion to re-experience a female touch.

I had been with women in the past, but it was strictly in a vanilla way. While that was satisfactory at that time, since I discovered the lifestyle, I had wanted to explore the depths of desire with a female submissive. I always thought it would be an intense experience but nothing prepared Me for the girl that has come into My life.

I posted an ad on a local website, a first for Me, just looking to connect with a kinky woman, to see if things could blossom in to something more. While I had hoped to be able to explore a little BDSM with whoever came My way, I had told Myself that I would be content with just having a girl in My life, to share that unique bond that only two women can share. My BDSM desires could always be fulfilled by spirit or the other male submissives that I play with on occasion. While hopeful, I had low expectations of how extensive I could play, as it was almost a ‘vanilla’ posting. But I should know by now, that jumping into something with no expectations is the best way to approach anything or any relationship. No expectations, no disappointments; the only way to go from there is up.

We met within a week of her answering My post, after numerous emails and chatting on MSN. We exchanged photos, and she was in thigh high black boots in the first photo that she sent to Me, which was an encouraging sign. 'Perhaps I may get a little of what I was hoping to find,' I thought to Myself. As it turns out, I got a whole lot more than I could have ever imagined. This girl was interested in exploring BDSM and while she did not have much experience, was eager to learn about the wonders that this lifestyle held.

Our first experiences was involved spanking and nipple play. While she was uncertain of how much she could endure, over time, this has become part of the aspects of our play time that she now craves. Whether by hand, crop or flogger, she needs this kind of attention on a regular basis. I’ve had her restrained, cuffed & bound, eager and willing to explore everything that I can give her. I totally love playing with her this way. I know I enter into My Domme space when I’m with her and I’ve been able to take her into her sub space. It’s deep, intense, and almost tantric. As she says, she feels it’s highly addictive and I have to agree with her there. As an added bonus, we are developing an enjoyable friendship, where we can hang out, go to dance clubs, out for dinner and such. I have a distinct feeling that she will become in integral part of My life as this new path unfolds.

An Evening Encounter

On a chill spring evening, I had the pleasure of meeting up with one of My kinkster friends for an impromptu get together. We had been speaking quite frequently and had recently met up at a club for our first a public play session. On this evening as we chatted online, our conversation turned to more of what we both enjoyed about BDSM and our relative experiences within it and the local community. After a while, we decide to hang out and continue the conversation in person.

I picked him up with the hopes of going out for a coffee or to a pub for a drink, but after driving around for a while we realized that there wasn’t any place were we could go to speak comfortably with each about the topics we wanted to discuss. When the situation warrants it, I will be discreet and unassuming so as to not draw unwanted attention to Myself or who I am with in the vanilla world. So after driving around for what seems like an exorbitant amount of time, we decided to get a six pack and enjoy some in-depth tête-à-tête by a local river. We walked around the park and ended up at the play area were we sat for a time on the play fort. We talked long into the sunset through twilight as the stars started to show themselves in the evening sky. I had delicious visions of this boy tied up and suspended from the monkey bars as we spoke…such a distraction he was. Personal history, ambitions and goals were shared between us, along with likes, dislikes, limits and desires yet to be experienced. The talk flowed unencumbered as common ground was established and smiles flashed. Ummm, I wondered as to what kind of naughtiness we could get ourselves into.

As the night fully embraced us, the temperature dropped and we decided to head back to My car to keep a bit warmer. Instead of using the heater though, I had My own ideas how to warm us up. We climbed into the back seat, Myself in the middle with this appetizing boy kneeling across My lap. There wasn’t much room to play the exact way I would have liked to, but improv is an excellent way to acquire more skills. I love it when a boy or girl gives up their body to play with and use exactly how you want to use it; it’s such a turn on. This boy had smooth flesh, so soft and perfect for spanking. Since space limitations didn’t allow for a crop (or even my baby flogger), I went old school, pulled his underwear down and enjoyed giving him a good hand spanking while caressing his jewels during the breaks. To hear him moan as I yanked his head back by a handful of hair as a hard smack was delivered in time with his ass was such sweet music to My ears. As his moans increases and the energy became more electric, I brought out a little toy that I could pack around, a silver bullet vibrator. As I ran that over his jewels and caressed his ass with it, he began to quiver and shake. In such a venerable state, he looked just so luscious; I couldn’t help but lightly bite that ass that was enjoying My administrations so much. I grabbed his long hair and pulled his head back again as I asked him how he was enjoying himself. No words really needed to be said as I could tell by the glazed look in his eyes he was in his own little world. I also felt wetness on My pants as this boy was dripping like a leaky faucet. He was loving every minute of it and so was I. In the heat of the moment, I couldn’t resist taking a few kisses and licks on that juicy mouth of his. The passion was electric and highly charged considering the venue. I made him kneel up so I could have him fully display himself and see his member standing at full attention. I allowed him to touch Myself, but only briefly and above the waist as he was My toy and not the other way around. This frustrated him a bit but he was compliant as any good boy should be. I pushed him off My lap and back into the seat while I caressed him, used him with My hands and mouth, this boy as My toy, to do exactly what he was told. What an intense and intoxifying experience.

As I drove home after I dropping him off later, a quote came to My mind. It goes: I might not have ended up where I intended to go, but find Myself where I am supposed to be. This is very fitting for this night and I guess it applies to a lot of My experiences in this D/s journey. I may plan, but in the end, whatever will be, just is, as I enrich Myself, one experience at a time.

Public Play with a New Subbie

Since I have been expanding on My BDSM experiences, I decided to take it up a notch and have a public play session at a local club with a new friend of Mine who is into the local fetish scene.

I met him on a kinkster networking site called FetLife. If you haven’t had a chance to check it out, do so! It’s a fantastic resource to either talk in discussion groups with like minded people, to get up-to-date information on whatever local events are going on in your area or to get connected with your local fetish community. We soon discovered after exchanging photos & chatting for a few weeks that we have a lot of common interests and that we would be interested in exploring them with each other. With spirit in tow, I went to the SinCity Fetish night to meet up with him for the first time to see if we had that real time connection that we seemed to be developing online.

When I arrived at the club with spirit, we relaxed into to the ambiance of the evening. SinCity has a vibrant and lively clientele which can be full of surprises. I decided to hang back a bit before seeking My pet out. I was interested in watching him, to see how he moved within the environs & interacted with others. He is well known in the scene and can understand why. He has an open and energetic attitude, one that can be serious but playful at the same time….an enticing combination, indeed. After a while I finally approached him, and when we made contact, he welcomed Me with a warm smile and affectionate embrace. He promptly whisked Me away around the club to introduce Me to all of his many friends. Once concluded, we spoke briefly to make plans to get together at the dungeon play area a bit later.

I went to re-join spirit & gave him lots of attention to reinforce his position with Me. Some may think that this may be cruel to spirit, to leave him alone while I go off and play later. However, it was a packed club, he is a social person and completely understands the parameters of our relationship. It was in this knowledge that we came together. It is also what defines and establishes our connection, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Soon after I made My way to the dungeon space and reconnected with My pet while he made the arrangements to use the equipment provided. Wow, I wish I had a few of these pieces in My own place! I brought My baby black leather flogger which seems quite unassuming but has a wicked sting when welded with precision. We went to the horse bench and My pet completely undressed to his underwear, which surprised Me but was also encouraging. Yes, he was serious about getting his ass spanked and flogged, something that made Me tingle all over :). As he assumed the position, I let the tendrils of My flogger lightly caress his bare torso, dragging it over his ass, down his jewels (which made him pleasantly shiver), over the back of his legs, right down to the bottoms of his feet. It’s a technique that I use to get the flesh prepared for the lashes that are to soon come. The light spider-like touches brings a certain amount of electricity to the surface of the skin, making it highly responsive to touch. I loved watching his body twitching with the slight strokes and inwardly smiled as I knew how he would react once I My flogger licked his ass. After few minutes of this, and checking in with him as to how he was feeling, the first blow landed dead center in his butt, hard and stinging. His body tense with the impact of it, but relaxed once I rubbed his sensitive skin with My free hand. I continued to walk around him lightly touching all areas of his body, grabbing his hair and jerking his head up. ‘Do you like it, My boy?’ I inquired. ‘Yes, Mistress, I love your touch,’ he whispered. I breathed in his ear that he was My bitch tonight and that he would completely love it, to which his husky response was, ‘yes Mistress’. We played for about ½ an hour, through caresses and stinging hits, with Me turning around the flogger to tapping his ass with the handle of it, like a crop, flogging his body in a figure 8 from his torso to the soles of his feet. Yes, he would remember Me when he walked around tomorrow, I would make sure of that.

While playing for a short time normally doesn’t always put the sub into sub space, it was just a taste of some of the delights that awaited him if we choose to continue to play on a regular basis. I actually got a quite charge out of being watched by the other patrons waiting to use the equipment, a completely new experience for Me. I was pleased with how the scene went and noticed that he was too through his languid smile. While the play may not have been to the level we both would have liked, we came away from it with a good sense of what could be. In the end, it showed Me that we did have the physical chemistry to perhaps take this to new depths. With an tender embrace, we parted ways for the evening even though we bumped into each other numerous times in the club that night. It was time for Me to make spirit feel a bit special. He was happy that I was able to enjoy the scene with My pet and to experience something new as he is not into public play. Oh My, I think I have unleashed something within Myself which will have to fed on a regular basis.:)

The Second Life Experience

2009…a new year full of life changing experiences already! At the end of January due to current economic conditions, I found Myself among the masses of the unemployed. Although it was quite a shock, I was determined to use My time wisely while looking for a new position. I ended up spending much of My time reading all the D/s & BDSM sites that I had bookmarked on My computer, updated and posted regularly on a few of My other websites, send off answers to long awaited emails and became more immersed within the lifestyle that I love so much. It has been a time of self exploration, full of kink and little surprises along the way.

One of My newest discoveries was the world of Second Life and the myriad of people within its virtual landscape. Honestly, whatever you can envision will be there in some shape or form. There is an extensive BDSM & Femdom community in SL, full of every type of kinkster that could possibly imagine. What truly amazes Me though, is that every land that I have travelled within there is ‘user’ made! From the user skins or clothing that is available, either free or with exceptional digital quality for a price, from the beautiful temples and gardens to the craftiest dungeons, we are dealing with exceptionally creative people here. What an exceptional way to conceptualize what may not be possible in the vanilla world for most!

I have met some incredible people there who are either just exploring the lifestyle or living it in real life as well as in SL. I realised that when I wasn’t able to spend time with spirit due to our conflicting schedules that I now had a way to connect with people and delve into topics of conversation that I just cannot have with My vanilla friends. Sometimes I would even meet up with spirit under one of his many alias’ there, and role play with others in the community. I’m always interested in ways that will expand My perception, and SL is a fantastic way to enhance it.

One special person that I have met was a female sub that I will call My ‘spank whore’. We have developed an affectionate relationship within SL that has transcended what I thought I would experience there. Through online connection, sharing experiences, avatars’, photos and voice chat, she has become My collared sub. When we are not able to connect there, we stay in touch on the phone, and do plan to finally meet each other real time within the next year. I have always used the internet as a tool to meet people within the lifestyle, but didn’t think that I could use SL in the same way. What a pleasant surprise it has been!

Though out My SL experience to date, I feel that I have re-kindled My passion for D/s, have become far more open and creative in My ways of kink and living D/S real time. If you are interested in meeting up with Me, My name in SL is Svaha Quintessa. I like to frequent the Velvet Thorn while there. Feel free to say hi or drop Me a message.

Breaking Old Habits

It's been a long time since My last post, but that doesn't mean our journey had stopped or even was delayed. Sometimes life gets so busy that time just slips by and next thing you know, months having passed within a blink of an eye. So far 2008 has been a series of life changing events for Myself and spirit. We have experienced physical injuries, job changes, continuing studies, a move and a faithful companion passing away. It's been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. Through it all we tried to maintain a certain level of our lifestyle, which has been most challenging indeed.

Our move was a significant change, one that suggested a fresh start for us on many levels. There has been some progress made with training and such, new toys added but some old behaviours with spirit still remain which have to be dealt with in a timely manner if we are to maintain and grow what we have established between us. In short, the 'brat' is back and running freely in the playground of spirit's mind. he has been wrecking havoc for a number of months now and I have had little or no progress of reigning him in. I guess this is what happens when I become overwhelmed with vanilla life...I start of loose My psychological grip on spirit and the 'brat' resurfaces. There where times when the 'brat' had complete control of spirit and I had moments where I felt all that we had gained was lost. It's difficult for a Mistress to loose power like that and even more challenging to regain what was lost. Being a gentle Domme meant that I had to go beyond what I considered a pre-established level of control. I had to become not only firm psychologically, but to become more physically demanding too. I purchased a large cage and started to give spirit time outs in there. But putting him in there without him being in the proper space almost seemed redundant. I definitely needed a new approach to break these old behavior habits that he was displaying. Worship practices had slid in recent months due to levels of exhaustion on both of our parts. However, regardless of that fact, I decided to reinstate that as a regular practice of worship since having a solid routine is most important to a sub's psyche. Amidst initial whining, he soon became lost in his sub space, his most happy place. With all the anger that had being flung around lately, it was encouraging for Me to see that part of him coming to life again. Like a flower bulb that awakens in the spring after a long hard winter, it was very pleasing to see spirit blossoming into his own again.

After doing a bit of research online of what worked for other Mistress', I came up with a game plan that was a series of small 'tests' for spirit to pass. Initially, he failed most, but with positive reinforcement when he did pass a test, slowly I started to see the spirit that I loved reemerge. I also started to develop a new improved version of Myself at the same time. The first steps were encouraging but a lot more work still needs to be done on both of our parts. But that's what it means to be in this journey together. The energy may ebb and flow but in the end our commitment to our special relationship and our lifestyle choice remains consistent.

Communication – What is said and what is left unsaid

The other day spirit and I were relaxing together, watching a late night British TV show called “Hotter Sex”. It’s a show hosted by a sex councilor who tries to help the chosen couples improve not only their sex lives but the intimacy between them. Needless to say, the content of the program was more than titillating for Me, even if the couples that they were trying to help were of the vanilla variety. I decided a short while later to inform spirit that I wanted to have him perform some oral service for Me, but the expected response was not readily forthcoming from him, at which point I just let it go. Now I’m sure other Mistress’ would just demand that their submissive obey and do what was requested, and if I was just performing a regular scene with spirit or any sub, I would find this response completely unacceptable. However, we are living in a loving 24/7 D/s relationship which make issues like these more challenging. In the end, I decided to wait until a more appropriate time to approach this subject in a more objective way instead of just starting an argument, which does nothing to enhance our relationship. By doing this I wanted to find out the true nature of why spirit was somewhat reluctant to perform.

Fast forward to Sunday morning snuggles, a great time for us to talk about everything in our relationship and the D/s lifestyle we embrace. I truly enjoy the conversations that we have on these mornings, as our communication levels are usually at an all time high during these times than any other, for whatever reason. When I got around to asking spirit what his reason was for his hesitation, he told me that he assumed that I was wanted him to perform oral worship, not because I truly wanted it but because I was being influence by the show. he stated that it didn’t feel right to him to perform and when I just let it go, that action confirmed his response. Do you see what is happening here? Lots of assumptions going on and no clear communication by Myself or from him.

It is easy to get caught up in the blame game at this point, the unsaid “you aren’t obeying ME” from Myself or “you don’t really want me to do that” from him. I went on to explain to him that yes, the show somewhat influenced Me, but only to the point to remind Myself that I had been neglecting the intimate side of our D/s experience. (If spirit performs up to My standard, he is aptly rewarded). It is so easy to let the physical side of D/s slide when you are living in a 24/7 relationship. So many daily stresses and anxieties can drain the erotic side of life right out of your mind. Sometimes these reminders, whether it is just an ad in a magazine or a late night TV show, it can be a bonus as to whether intimacy stays within the relationship or decides to drop out of site for a while. It does for Me anyways.

The bottom line is this…the longer assumptions are made within your relationship about what the other person wants or doesn’t want, the more it can restrict genuine communication with your partner. As for Me, I try My very best to keep it clear and concise as I can, but as you can see, it is still a work in progress for both of us.

Are you talking to ME?

I saw this post in a group that I belong to posted by a submissive male and thought it was a relevant topic for this blog.

i was reading an article of a psychologist who mentioned that Women tend to be have mood swings and emotional outbursts on Their partners...the same psychologist also mentioned that usually they yell or scream on a person they feel comfortable with and in a way They trust and know that even if They have some rants and yells the other person will understand. Last night i was thinking about this because a related discussion with my Friend and on the way home we discussed this and there were some thoughts and i would like to share with the group. It is expected that a Woman will have days where she will be in bad mood because of work, her period or some other reason...and she might yell, scream, or blame her partner. If the partner is a regular-guy (not a submissive) sometimes he will remain cool, but at other times he may yell back at her, slam doors, walk away or threaten to leave or other scenarios... but for a submissive the rules are very different. He does not have the same freedom to react. So i devised a "proper-reaction" that fits perfectly to a submissive-male and helps both to move on without complications. ..

If say the Mistress is upset or has some outbursts or yells to Her sub or scolds him for rightful or wrong reason, instead of talking back and getting into an argument he should act this way: He stays where he is, tightening his hands behind and lowering his eyes to the floor or to Her shoes listening what She says and taking it without talking back. if he feels that She is totally unfair and unreasonable he may raise his hand to request to talk if She grants him permission he will say his opinion if not he will re-assume the same position and lower his eyes again waiting for Her to finish... One way to deal with this is to have the "rank mentality" the relationship between a lieutenant and his corporal or private. if the officer yells or says something wrong the lower-rank officer does not argue, but simply says "Yes sir." Often in the office a boss is sometimes is unreasonable. Employees don't yell back perhaps when they go back to their office they say "Mr Smith today has a bad mood or Mrs Jones did not sleep well last night" but this is the end of the discussion. Thinking with the rank-mentality the submissive does not need to yell back and break even.he just takes it.

Now if the Female-led relationship is also disciplinarian one and the Domme along with Her rants and moody yells feels that She should pull his hair,twist his ear or slap his face or send him to the corner he should not only accept it but he should facilitate her punishment making it easy and convenient for Her...applying the Paige-Harisson rule "never talk back". This way he leaves the Woman time to relax and get the tension out of her system. The more obedient the male is, without disputing his wife's orders the more easy makes the house-management for the woman. This "take it without talking back approach" may be is not always fair, but eliminates conflicts in the house because there is only one decision-maker and when there are disagreements there is only one who talks.

I have to admit that I have My moments of irrationality and spirit also gets caught up with his ego at times. When we have discussions which may boarder on arguing, instead of submitting to Me, he gets angry, talks back and resists all of My training in these moments. Usually within a short while I regain My composure and he comes back to his submissive self, which is his most happy place. So you see, being a feisty Mistress has its upsides and downsides. No one every said living in a 24/7 D/s relationship was easy, but it is always far more interesting and worth the effort than living a vanilla one.